


'We travel, some of us forever,to seek other states, other lives, other souls'

by Lapal



Category: Holby City
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-03
Updated: 2018-12-20
Packaged: 2019-07-24 19:09:01
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 51,083
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16181357
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lapal/pseuds/Lapal
Summary: AU. Still both surgeons but at different hospitals, and their paths have still to crossTakes place approximately 3 months after the death of Elinor, when Henrick suggests Serena takes a holiday before attempting to return to work. Slow burn, but will need a rating change towards the latter chapters.The title is a quote from Anais Nin





	1. The Journey Begins

**Author's Note:**

> I actually hadn't intended to post the first chapter until I had finished the entire thing, but after the events of last night that featured a new F1, I needed some extra motivation to keep going with the story, and I think everyone needs stories where their devotion to each other will never be in doubt. A few more chapters this time, but each one probably not as long as usual  
> .

 

Chapter One – The Journey Begins

 

 

Serena Campbell decided to take a three month leave of absence, a sabbatical if you like, to help her come to terms with the death of her daughter, Elinor. The trouble was, this was never something she was going to be able to put behind her. It would continue to colour everything she did and felt for the rest of her life and she didn’t know how to cope with that .

After the three months, the constant grief had abated slightly, but the anger she felt towards herself in not recognising that Elinor was taking drugs, was still simmering beneath the surface. She burst into tears on a fairly regular basis, especially when she was alone at home, drowning her sorrows with large amounts of Shiraz, and the blame that she laid fairly and squarely at her own front door often threatened to overwhelm her. To minimise this feeling of isolation she resolved to go and talk to Henrik Hanssen, the CEO of Holby City Hospital, where she was employed as a Vascular Consultant Surgeon, and, the deputy CEO. She was hoping that he would agree to a phased return to work, so that in less that a month she could resume the majority of her duties. She was well aware, that when she had continued to work in spite of advice not to, she had not been kind to many members of the staff. She hoped that they had understood, and was anxious to put things right as soon as she could.

 

Hanssen was pleased to see Serena, but noted how gaunt she looked, her eyes darting from side to side rather than looking at him directly when he asked how she was doing.

“I’m getting there,” she said curtly. “That’s what I wanted to speak to you about. I’d like to organise some sort of timetable so that I can return to work, full-time, as quickly as possible.”

 

Henrik pushed his hands together with just the fingertips pressing against each other. He looked at Serena over the top of them for a moment before speaking.

“Well, I for one am certainly missing your support in the boardroom, and AAU is definitely in need of someone to steady the ship, as it were. But right now….. I don’t think you’re the person to do this.

 

Serena tutted impatiently.

“There is never going to be a ‘right time’ Henrik….. My daughter is dead and nothing can ever change that. I need… a purpose in life again, to fill some hours so that I don’t just sit and think about how much I miss her.”

 

Serena’s voice trembled as she spoke and Hanssen sighed inwardly, trying to find the right words that would neither reduce her to a quivering wreck or ignite the fury that he also sensed was there, barely hidden.

“Believe me Serena, I do understand, but I’m not sure that returning to AAU now is going to help you. But I also recognise that sitting at home with nothing to fill your time or thoughts is not going to be the best for you either.”

 

He looked at her closely.

“Perhaps we can reach a compromise.”

Serena scowled.

“If you are leading up to asking me to do a stint on Keller or even Darwin, under supervision, I suggest you think again. AAU is my ward and that’s the only one I want to return to.”

 

Henrik gave her a look of compassion and understanding.

“Oh, believe me Serena when I say that I know you well enough not to suggest that. And that is for the benefit of staff harmony on those wards, as much as concern for you. No, I want you to take a holiday. For as long as you think necessary, but I don’t want you to return here in under a month.”

 

Serena’s lip curled and the tone of her voice was decidedly acerbic.

“What? You think a little sun, sea and sangria will somehow transform my life?”

 

Her voice softened slightly as she saw Henrik flinch at her tone.

“Lying around on sandy beaches has never been my thing, and right now it would be the same as staying here…just more lonely.”

 

Hanssen inclined his head in acknowledgment of her reasoning.

 

“Then may I suggest a slightly different angle. Find a holiday where you are more likely to be thrown together with people with similar interests to yourself. A tour of the vineyards of southern France, or Italy? Maybe go and see the sights in a developing country, expose yourself to people who live very different lives to our own, but who manage to find the positive where we might only see the negatives. Even _work_ abroad for a while…perhaps in a refugee camp? You can try both if you want…your place here at Holby is safe Serena, we will welcome you home with open arms when both you _and_ I feel you are ready.

"You should know that I will do everything in my power to help you, so please, take a day or two to consider my proposal.”

 

Serena closed her eyes momentarily and sighed. She didn’t want to do any of this, she was sick and tired of counselling and being told by nearly everyone ‘that it would get better with time.’ It wasn’t the first time she had lost someone she loved, but this _was_ different, she’d lost her only child and that definitely wasn’t supposed to happen.

But, putting her demons aside for once, she did know that Henrik was trying to help because he wanted the best possible outcome for her _and_ the hospital. And she had admitted to him and herself, that when she had tried to return to work straight after the funeral she had behaved appallingly, saying and doing some very hurtful things to her AAU team, that she now bitterly regretted. The thought crossed her mind that maybe they were the reason Hanssen was stalling, maybe they didn’t want her back and that terrified the life out of her.

She stood up, and leaning on the desk, she gave a small nod.

“I’ll think about it…seriously.”

 

She paused as she reached the door, and turned to look at him.

“Thank you Henrik.”

 

He watched as the door closed behind her, his heart heavy for his long-time colleague and friend. He sincerely hoped she would carefully consider and then take his advice. He missed her.

 

 

After lengthy chats with Jason, her nephew, and his friend and sometime carer, Alan, Serena decided that if taking this break would better her chances of returning to work then she would try it. After all, it wasn’t as if she planned on disappearing for a year. And she did owe it to a number of people, Jason included, to try and find a better way through this.

Jason had been quite excited to think that he might be able to help his auntie stop being so sad, and he drew up a very detailed chart to help her decide where she would like to go. At first there were so many questions she could feel irritation building, which she did her best to hide, but gradually she could actually see that it was working. What had at first seemed an impossible choice of locations, began to be whittled down until it was clear that she definitely would only consider a break somewhere in Europe. And surprisingly it wasn’t too long before she was staring at just two possible areas to choose between, both of which were tour holidays rather than being static in one place.

The first was a 10 day coach tour of Northern Italy, and the second was a 16 day tour of Belarus, Ukraine and Moldova. She had always loved Italy and had previously only visited the central and southern regions, but somehow she felt that the second option was going to be the one to try, even though it would be taking her well out of her comfort zone. But she argued, maybe that was the point, to challenge herself a little, to see how she would cope. And it appealed that there was train as well as coach travel, that the groups involved were quite small, and that they wouldn’t always be staying in the big hotels in big cities, but would get to experience rural guest houses and meet local people who would be showing them their environs. The wines of Italy were a big pull, but she had determined, with Jason’s help, that on one of the days in Moldova there was an incredible underground winery to visit. The whole bundle was quite expensive but Serena decided she may as well blow a bit of money on something that could be the start of her road to recovery.

However before she went ahead and booked it, she had a little heart to heart with Jason about how Alan would be moving into their house while she was away, so that he didn’t have to pack all his favourite DVD’s and computer games to take with him, as he would if he’d moved in with Alan. She also apologised for what seemed to be the millionth time for how she had neglected him ever since Elinor’s death, trying to assure him that she still loved him dearly. Jason listened to her patiently before he replied.

 

“You have already told me this before,” he said, in the very forthright way he had, due to his Aspergers Syndrome.

“And I do understand that you will always miss Elinor, in the same way I will always miss my Mom. But I can honestly say that since I came to live with you it doesn’t upset in the way it used to. It’s still there, but most of the time it’s different. As if you, and working at Holby have put a few layers between me and the sadness. It can break through sometimes though, on birthdays and times like that but it doesn’t last as long. Maybe you’ll meet someone when you’re on holiday that can help you like you helped me?”

 

Serena’s heart swelled with pride as she heard those words and marvelled at how her entire life had been changed by this young man. So, perhaps he was right, there were people out there that she was yet to meet who could change her life in ways she couldn’t imagine right now. A small part of her heart clung to the hope that there was still a special someone that she might get to share the rest of her life with, but her head told her that with every year that passed that likelihood was getting inevitably smaller. She’d always enjoyed those heady moments when you met someone that you fancied and who seemed to fancy you as well. And to be frank, she’d always enjoyed the thrill of the chase…and the sex, when she’d allowed herself to be caught. A small smile flitted across her face. Maybe a holiday romance with no strings attached would be just what the doctor ordered. She rolled her eyes and huffed, even as she confirmed the booking.

‘ _Not bloody likely though. They’ll all be pensioners or couples.’_

Nevertheless, she found herself looking forward to getting away for a while. Henrik possibly did know what he was talking about.

 

So, just ten days later she found herself waiting to board a flight at Stansted Airport to take her to Minsk, the capitol of Belarus. She was a little excited and also anxious as she spotted a few others that she thought might be part of her tour. So far they did all seem to be younger than herself so she didn’t need to worry that she had chosen a pensioners only sort of holiday, one of the reasons she had steered clear of Mediterranean cruises, but was a tad concerned that she might not have a great deal in common with them. She gave herself a shake, there was no point in overthinking this, time would tell soon enough if she’d made the right choice.

Just before they closed the doors of the plane to any other passengers a woman shot into the cabin, looking as if she had run the last couple of hundred yards, slightly out of breath and her hair looking as if it hadn’t seen a comb that morning. Serena caught her eye and smiled briefly at her as she passed, thinking that if _she_ was part of her group she hoped she wouldn’t be the cause of missed trains or coaches. On the positive side though, she did seem to be closer in age to herself. Serena settled back with a book and, before long a glass of wine, and tried to relax. Which she must have succeeded in doing, as it certainly didn’t seem that nearly three hours had passed when she heard the flight steward instructing them to fasten their seatbelts as they were approaching Minsk.

 

Once through customs she made her way to the arrivals area to meet up with the courier of the holiday operator, who was responsible for getting all the travellers to their hotel. Serena decided she was inwardly quite pleased to note that the last minute passenger onto the plane was making her way to the same place. When there were 11 of them all gathered together, they were ushered towards the exit where a mini-bus was waiting to take them and their luggage to their overnight accommodation.

Serena fell into step beside the other woman, whose blonde locks still looked somewhat disheveled and introduced herself.

 

“Hi, I’m Serena Campbell. I hope you don’t mind if I ask if we could sit together on the bus?”

 

The woman gave her a shy smile, before stretching out her arm to shake her hand.

 

“Of course not. I’d be happy to share a seat. My name is Bernie, Bernie Wolfe, and I have to say I’m a little relieved to see that the party isn’t entirely made up of 20 and 30 something’s.”

 

Serena grinned conspiratorially.

“Me too. And I’m beginning to wonder, if this tour is so popular with the younger age groups, exactly what have I let myself in for?”

 

Bernie laughed as they sat down

“Well, I guess we’ll soon find out.”

 

When they arrived at the hotel they were all shown into the bar, where they were met by five other people who had arrived on an earlier flight and introductions were made all around. There was more a mix of ages than had at first appeared, but Serena did note that the majority seemed to be couples or at least friends. After they were all handed their itinerary for the next day the courier moved around the group, briefly chatting with individuals and it was about ten minutes before she approached Serena and Bernie.

She welcomed them both and hoped they would enjoy their holiday, and then hesitated slightly before continuing.

 

“This next bit is always a little awkward when I’m speaking to people who have probably only just met, but as you are both aware, I hope, this holiday is all about mixing in with the local communities which means we do allocate you to small guest houses sometimes and even family homes”

 

They both nodded and Serena was screaming for her to get to the point, but managed to reign herself in and not look impatient.

“So, as I hope you’ve seen from our website, and from the literature you should have already received, some of that accommodation is based on two people sharing a room, and I was thinking that, subject to your agreement, as you both appear to be a similar age, you might be comfortable in pairing up on those occasions? Rather than with someone much younger?”

 

Bernie glanced quickly at Serena and shrugged.

 

“Well, I’m sure I don’t mind if Serena doesn’t. And I’m pretty sure any of the younger singles would rather not be saddled sharing with someone old enough to be their mother.”

 

Serena’s heart gave a little lurch at those words, but she managed to smile nevertheless.

 

“That definitely seems to make sense to me,” she replied. “As long as I can request a change if I find out she doesn’t drink, or gets up at some ungodly hour to do exercises.”

 

That all laughed at that and the courier murmured her thanks before moving on.

Bernie caught Serena’s eye and nodded towards the bar.

 

“So, how about a night-cap. What’s your poison?”

 

Serena grinned.

“Well, if you’re offering, a Shiraz would go down very nicely, or failing that, any good quality red.”

 

Serena watched as Bernie made her way to the bar, pushing unselfconsciously through the inevitable throng of men gathered there, seemingly unintimidated by their presence, and returned quite quickly clutching a glass of wine for Serena and what appeared to be a tumbler of whisky for herself. They clinked their glasses together, toasting to an enjoyable holiday, new experiences and new friends. Looking at her over the top of her wine glass, Serena thought that she might quite enjoy getting to know Ms Wolfe.

 


	2. Day One : Mir

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The first proper day of their holiday, where surprising factors of their lives are revealed. And the first time they share a room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for the kudos and comments. I've worked my butt off to get this chapter posted quickly. I will try to keep the momentum going.

 

 Day One : Mir

 

 

The following morning they had all been instructed to meet up in the small restaurant of the hotel. Serena was just picking up a coffee from the breakfast bar, along with a small Danish pastry, when Bernie sauntered up beside her.

 

“It’s a relief to see that there isn’t the endless choice of different ways to take your caffeine hit. That always throws me into a bit of a quandary.”

 

Serena turned to her with a smile.

“I know what you mean….at the end of the day, strong and hot is all I really care about. That doesn’t mean to say I don’t occasionally like to push the boat out and add a flavouring or top with whipped cream.”

She noted that Bernie’s eyes looked tired and the doctor in her couldn’t help but ask.

“How did you sleep?”

Bernie pulled a face.

“Well, let’s just say that I don’t sleep as well as I used to. Time was I could catch a nap almost anywhere, but these days it’s a bit more hit and miss.”

 

She looked at Serena with a slight smirk on her face.

“Perhaps I should have mentioned that before you agreed to share a bedroom with me? Which I believe is happening tonight?”

 

Serena raised her right eyebrow and rolled her eyes slightly.

“Yes, it is tonight, in a family home somewhere near Brest I believe. And yes, you _could_ have mentioned your predisposition to insomnia.”

Bernie looked a little chastened by her comeback remark, and Serena tried to reassure her. She leaned a little closer and dropped her voice.

 

“It’s okay though, I too have sleep problems….sometimes, ever since…..”

Her voice tailed off and she bit her lip, suddenly realising that she didn’t want to talk about Elinor with someone she didn’t know, and she certainly didn’t want to upset anyone, least of all herself.

“Well let’s just say certain recent events, have played havoc with my sleep patterns.”

She hoped this was vague enough to deter Bernie from asking any further questions.

 

Bernie instantly understood that whatever it was that Serena was referring to, it was not something that she wanted to talk about right now. A feeling she was entirely in tune with.

They walked over to a table and sat down.

“Well,” said Bernie, “we’ll have to hope that our bouts of sleeplessness coincide, so that at least we can pass the time in meaningful conversation.”

 

An hour later, with their luggage collected by their tour operator, they all boarded a small coach. After a morning tour of the oldest part of Minsk, they were driven to the city of Mir, to visit a sixteenth century fortress there. Serena in particular was more impressed than she had expected to be. It was a lot grander, and less austere than she had imagined, given the term ‘fortress’. It looked more like a grand chateau with a very imposing exterior and wonderfully ornate interiors. She’d always enjoyed visiting stately homes, getting a glimpse into a life that was as alien to her as living on the moon. She did notice that Bernie was less interested in the showy aspects of the place and seemed far more focused on the more gruesome and relatively recent aspects of its history; namely the occupation by the Nazis in WW2, and the fact that a lot of Jews were incarcerated in the basement there before beginning a journey to one of the ‘death camps’.

When Serena commented on this as they enjoyed a cup of tea in a local café, Bernie explained that a most of her adult life had been spent in the armed forces and she had always found military history fascinating. When she had decided to go on holiday she had chosen an Eastern European tour because she felt there was a big gap in her knowledge of this region, and this particular one did visit more than one of the sights she was interested in.

Serena raised her eyebrows in surprise.

“Really? You were in the army? You don’t strike me as having the physique that I would imagine you’d need… although…”

 

Once again Serena’s voice tailed off, this time with an element of discomfort, realising the next words out of her mouth might be misconstrued if she wasn't careful. Especially as when she came to think of it she had noticed that Bernie's upper arms seemed fairly well defined, unlike her own that were a little more…fleshy. She took a deep breath before she resumed the conversation, trying to explain what she meant.

 

“I had noticed you are very um.. you do have a certain way of standing, but you’re not exactly... bulky, oh I mean, I don’t really know….”

Serena stopped talking again and felt her face flush as she became aware she was just digging a deeper and deeper hole for herself. Bernie took pity on her and even chuckled before replying.

 

“Are you trying to say that I don’t look ‘butch’ enough to be a member of the British Armed Forces?” she teased, and then seeing the stricken look on Serena’s face she hurried to put her at her ease.

“It’s fine, don’t look so worried, there happens to be a very good reason for that. I wasn’t part of a combatant branch, I belonged to the RAMC.”

The irony of the situation and possibly what Serena had inadvertently started to imply, was not lost on Bernie, but in an attempt to alleviate the tension she stood up and stiffened her pose before putting her hand out towards Serena.

“Major Wolfe, at your service Ma’am.”

She also smiled warmly to show that she had taken no offence, hoping that Serena would shake her hand, which she did, with an embarrassed smile on her face.

 

“I’m so sorry, I don’t normally go around stereotyping people, believe me I fully understand how annoying that can be.”

She tilted her head to one side, intrigued by the information Bernie had just shared.

“But the Royal Army Medical Corps eh? Do you mind my asking your role there?”

 

“Not at all. I was a Trauma surgeon. Mainly in the field, but during the last 12 months of my duty I was also teaching, training new medics in Kabul. Unfortunately that doesn’t mean that we weren’t still in the firing line, so to speak, and of course there was always the danger of….”

This time it was Bernie’s voice that faded as a memory overtook her, and Serena stilled, waiting to see if she would continue, but determined not to press if she said no more. It struck her as odd that they both appeared to be speaking before thinking, as if they were talking to an old friend who understood all that had gone on in their lives.

Bernie took a moment, and then a look of determination came into her eyes and her voice grew stronger.

“...Of the ever present IED’s that were the biggest threat to our safety.”

She gave Serena an over-bright smile which revealed just how hard this was to talk about.

 

“Which is why I ended up back home…literally blown back when the vehicle I was traveling in hit one. I arrived, flat on my back, delivered to Holby City Hospital with damage to my heart and spine. Which I have to say were, _eventually,_ expertly operated on by two very capable surgeons. I could have returned to my regiment after a suitable convalescence, but… there were personal problems too, so I made the decision to resign my commission and seek employment in the NHS.”

She pulled a wry face.

“Jury’s still out on whether that’s going to work.”

 

When she raised her eyes to look at Serena, she couldn’t quite understand the expression on her face.

“Well, well, well. Who would have thought it? What a small world!”

Serena held out her hand, much as Bernie had a few moments before.

“Serena Campbell, consultant vascular surgeon, lead surgeon and head of AAU, and until fairly recently, deputy CEO of Holby City Hospital. I assume that one of the surgeons that operated on you was our esteemed Mr Guy Self?”

 

It was Bernie’s turn to gaze in amazement.

“Yes, he repaired my C5/C6 neck fracture and a Mr Oliver Valentine operated on my pseudo aneurysm….. and that’s…just... uncanny.”

Serena’s bemused look was a coupled with one of amusement.

“It is, I can scarcely believe it myself. So, you mentioned working for the NHS…where exactly?”

 

Bernie shrugged.

“Nothing permanent. I’ve worked as a locum at St James’ on and off for the last 15 months with the occasional secondment abroad. I’m beginning to feel sorry I didn’t apply for the post that Jac Naylor offered me at Holby, instead of choosing to work with my husband.”

She sighed. “Now my ex-husband.”

 

“Blimey. You must get on better with your ex than I did with mine. Couldn’t stand to be in the same postcode as him when we were going through the divorce.”

 

Bernie sighed and her head dipped, leaving her staring at the table.

“Yes, well, when I made the decision we were still married and I was trying to make the whole ‘staying at home and being a proper family’ thing work. I felt I owed it to them. But if I’m honest, I knew in my heart it was a lost cause. So I eventually asked for a divorce and when it came through a couple of months ago I decided I needed a proper break from everything and everyone. So I took a leave of absence, and decided it might be wise to take a holiday before making any other life changing decisions.”

 

When Bernie looked up, she was struck by the warm sympathetic smile on Serena’s face. She had surprised herself by talking so readily about things she normally kept close to her chest, and it slightly unnerved her. She gave a small laugh.

“Anyway, that’s enough about me, and I think that we’re being called to go and get back on the coach.”

 

They both stood and headed for the door of the café and their transport.

Once back on board and seated Bernie started to twist her hands together in an anxious manner and Serena gave her a querying look.

“Is there anything bothering you?” she asked gently.

Bernie looked down at her hands and exhaled loudly.

“Ah, yes, an old habit of mine when I’m trying to sort out my thoughts. I, erm… about tonight? I hope you’re still alright about sharing a room?”

Serena nodded and smiled, but didn’t say anything. She suspected Bernie wanted to say something else, but needed a bit more time to get it out.

 

“The thing is, I, I don’t.... I’m not good at general chit-chat. Never really learnt the art of ‘small talk’ in the army. Even when dealing with patients I’ve been accused of being somewhat brusque. I’m just a little jumpy about walking into someone’s home and having to interact with them on a personal level… I mean we have no idea what they’re like and I don’t want to appear rude by just heading straight for our room.”

 

Serena reached over to put her hand over Bernie’s.

“Relax. You’ve nothing to be concerned about. I’ve spent years flattering people I hardly know or care about when the hospital has needed extra funds. I won’t let there be any awkward silences I promise.”

She gave Bernie’s hand a final pat before continuing.

“I also expect our hosts will have had a little experience of reticent guests, and I think we will be arriving late enough to make our excuses to retire to our room fairly quickly without upsetting anyone. Oh, and you’re much better than you think at talking to strangers, I certainly haven’t noticed any uncomfortable silences.”

 

Bernie smiled and relaxed back in her seat. She hadn’t been sure about coming on this particular holiday, knowing that it could force her into situations that she would normally run a mile from, but that had been the point really. She had felt she needed to challenge herself, to have time to think about whether she really could deal with civilian life, or if she needed to return to the army where things had seemed much more straightforward. But now? Well, if nothing else she found she was looking forward to the rest of the trip, and was definitely hoping to learn more about her travelling companion.

 

As Serena had surmised, it was quite late before they arrived at their lodgings for the night, having stopped en route for an evening meal. For Serena the accommodation was better that she had anticipated, but turned out to be more awkward than she had imagined. Their hosts, a young married couple, Elena and Bogden, were very welcoming and both Bernie and herself were relieved to find they had a good understanding of English, although they had both used YouTube to learn some basic Belarusian phrases just in case. They exchanged pleasantries for a short while, over a glass of wine, and Bernie was pleased to find that Serena had not been exaggerating her socialising abilities. But they were both tired and Elena soon escorted them to their bedroom, showing them the toilet and shower room that was next door to it, explaining that it was purely for their use. She also informed that she and Bogden would have probably left for work by the time their coach returned to pick them up at 8.30am, but that they were welcome to make themselves a hot drink before leaving.

 

Although the exact details of their shared sleeping arrangement had not been discussed by either party they were both relieved to find the room contained twin beds, even if they were quite close together in the small room. After wishing Elena goodnight, Serena and Bernie stood rather awkwardly together until Bernie spoke.

 

“Erm… do you have a preference for which bed you’d like?” Bernie asked, rather tentatively.

Serena shook her head.

“Well, in that case, is it okay with you if I slept in the one nearest the door? I don’t like feeling too..hemmed in.” She laughed a little self consciously.

 

“That’s fine by me,” said Serena. “I’ll be able to relax knowing there’s a big macho army medic between me and any intruders.”

Bernie grinned.

“Unless they try to come in through the window…”

“Oh, thanks for that… I feel a lot happier now,” Serena retorted sarcastically.

 

They both smiled and then set about sorting through their luggage for their nightwear, something which took Bernie considerably less time than Serena, as her suitcase was about half the size of Serena’s. She quickly grabbed one of the towels that had been set out for their use, and nodded towards the door, to indicate she was off to the shower room. As the door closed behind her Serena let out a deep breath, that she had barely been aware she was holding. She had started to feel extremely nervous, butterflies in her stomach, and for the life of her she couldn’t work out why. Although it did feel odd, sharing a room with someone she barely knew, and she wasn’t normally a self-conscious person but she did wish she’d packed some night attire that was a little less revealing. But then berated herself as she reasoned that they were both adults, both female and both doctors who had a very intimate relationship with the human body of both sexes, so there was nothing to feel apprehensive about. She did decide to change into her nightdress while Bernie was next door however, meaning she could quickly slip out when Bernie returned and then it was very likely Bernie would be in bed by the time she had finished her ablutions.

Meanwhile Bernie too was concentrating on calming her breathing as she showered. Having spent a large part of her life in army camps across the globe, she was generally unfazed by the prospect of sharing sleeping quarters with either sex, and certainly was not normally shy about her body. But there was something about Serena that made her feel…. vulnerable, as if she could see behind the mask she wore to hide her feelings. That she considered her to be physically attractive could not be denied, but she didn’t consider that that would make her feel so unsettled. Stepping out of the shower she quickly towelled herself sufficiently dry to pop on a pair of the sleep shorts and t-shirt she always wore in bed.

As soon as she opened the door to the bedroom, Serena leapt up from her bed, startled out of her day-dreams clutching her towel to her front,and they both froze for a moment.

 

“I’m sorry if I’ve kept you waiting,” said Bernie, starting to dry her wet hair with her towel, and Serena felt herself blushing as she took in the long legs and what appeared to be a very toned stomach, as Bernie’s t-shirt lifted with her arms as she rubbed her head.

“It’s fine,” she mumbled, “just didn’t want to delay us getting to sleep. Early start and all that.”

She stumbled past Bernie and was out of the door seconds later.

While she was gone Bernie turned out the main light and put the small lamp on between their beds before sliding into hers. A matter of minutes later Serena returned, and after hanging her towel on a chair she too climbed under the covers to sit in her bed. Bernie had momentarily been lost for words as she saw Serena’s breasts straining against the satin-like material of her nightie. She swallowed past the lump in her throat.

 

“Do you want to read, or shall I turn the light out?” she asked huskily.

“Lights out is fine by me,” Serena replied. “I hope to get a few hours sleep under my belt, if possible, before the drive to Brest tomorrow.”

 

In her nervousness Bernie nearly giggled like a teenager at the mention of the city they were heading for the next day, given that all she could think about was the way Serena’s nipples had reacted to the cool evening air. She turned out the light as she lay down.

 

“Good night then,” she said quietly.

“Sweet dreams,” responded Serena.

 

They both lay in the darkness, listening to each other’s breathing and without realising it their breaths started to synchronise and gradually slow as they drifted off to sleep within minutes of each other.

It was about three hours later that Serena roused up, quite possibly the longest stretch of sleep that she’d had for some time, without medication or a bottle of Shiraz, that is. It took a couple of seconds to remember where she was, and when she did she panicked as she became aware that someone was standing by the window next to her bed. As quickly as the fear rose it abated realising it was Bernie. The curtain had been pulled slightly open and in the pale moonlight Serena could see how deeply the woman was breathing her chest juddering with the effort of trying to hold back any noise. Her one hand moved up to drag through her hair before coming to rest at the back of her neck. Serena’s first instinct was to ask if she was alright, but in the same moment she recognised that this was a private thing, certainly not something she would want to share with a virtual stranger, especially given how hard it must have been to keep quiet so as not to wake herself. She realised she had felt the same way many times since Elinor’s death, doing her best not to disturb Jason. She watched from beneath her eyelids, so as not to alert Bernie that she was awake, as she brought her hand to her face to wipe away any tears she had shed, and Serena wished she could comfort her but knew such an action wouldn’t be welcomed. So she lay as still as she could, feigning sleep until she heard Bernie give a deep sigh and listened to her feet padding around the bed, and the slight creak as she got back in. Serena’s mind was racing wondering what had caused the emotion she had just witnessed. She even wondered if Bernie has experienced a loss similar to her own, hoping , for Bernie’s sake that she was wrong.

 

‘ _It would be the strangest coincidence if that were the case. Two broken people, from the same place, ending up not only on the same holiday, but more or less committed to sharing a lot of personal space with each other.’_

 

She thought that she would feel uncomfortable, or even resentful that this woman could have as many reasons as herself to want to hide, but it gradually dawned on her that she found a degree of solace in it. She had known of course that there were others in the same or a similar situation to herself, but had never imagined getting to know someone who, damaged through some traumatic incident, were still high functioning, appearing outwardly normal. It actually gave her hope.

 

‘ _I guess we all have our stories’_ she thought.

She wasn’t sure if she would manage to go back to sleep, but she felt calmer than she had in ages, and that in itself gave her rest.

 


	3. Days 2 & 3 : Brest

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The friendship develops with barriers coming down as significant events and memories are revealed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm definitely posting more frequently than I have ever done before, maybe the slow burn is spurring me on to get to the smut. Hope you are enjoying the tour with the ladies and thanks for the comments and kudos.

Chapter 3 : Days 2 & 3 – Brest

 

 

The coach arrived on time the next morning, and after collecting the other members of their party from different locations they were all taken to a small hotel to enjoy a hearty breakfast, before heading off to the city of Brest. Once there it had been arranged for them to drop the luggage at the Hotel Vespa which would be their base for 2 nights. After the chance for a quick freshen up the next stop was the Brest fortress, which had been a place of Soviet resistance during WW2. Serena was prepared to be a bit more open-minded about visiting a second fortress in as many days, given how impressed she had been with the first one and, she admitted to herself, it was once again completely not what she had been expecting, even though it did have far more of a military feel to it. She was sure that Bernie had been thrilled that this imposing site was on their itinerary. The scale of it took everyone’s breath away. Serena was struck by how immaculately kept the whole area was, and as she wandered around, following Bernie’s lead she couldn’t get over how tranquil it was, in spite of its obvious military history. She suddenly realised that Bernie had come to a halt in front of a group of static tanks and armoured vehicles. She walked around them, and then managed to catch the attention of a nearby guide, asking if she would be allowed to look or climb inside. Unfortunately the answer was no, and although she merely shrugged her shoulders Serena could tell she was disappointed.

 

“Have you ever been inside a tank?” she asked. “I’m assuming you have, at some point.”

Bernie gave a big grin.

“Not just been inside, I’ve driven one or two. I could have given you a lesson if we’d been allowed in one of them.”

 

Serena raised an eyebrow.

“Well, looking at the size of the hatch, I’m not sure I’d manage it without needing a good push.”

 

Bernie looked sideways at Serena, her eyes travelling up and down her body in a way that made Serena’s stomach clench.

“Nonsense,” she replied. “But I would have been more than happy to offer my expert pushing abilities in the unlikely event that you’d need it. An opportunity missed.”

 

Serena felt herself go hot, and Bernie suddenly flushed as her words hung heavy in the silence. She raced to think of something else to say, to alleviate the awkwardness.

“You’d be surprised at the speed they can move at, especially over sand. Often wish I could drive one along the streets of Holby, and watch everyone get out of my way.”

Serena laughed, and the tension broken, they continued on their way.

 

Before long they reached the emotional sculpture known as the Thirst Monument. It portrayed a soldier, lying prone reaching out with his helmet to scoop up water. It was to commemorate how the fortress and its inhabitants had had their water supply cut off, forcing the soldiers left defending it, to crawl on their stomachs to collect water from the nearby river. The opposing army had kept guns trained on the rivers edge, and after the war, helmets and water bottles with bullet holes punched into them, as well as bodies, were found along the banks. Serena doubted that anyone could look at the face of the lone soldier and not be moved. She found herself watching Bernie carefully, trying to gauge how much this place was affecting her.

As they walked up to the centre of of the citadel next to the Bayonet-Obelisk, Bernie’s steps slowed as she surveyed the three rows of plaques signifying the memorial burial ground of over 800 soldiers who had died there over many years. Bodies that had been unearthed at different times, during the construction of this site. Her eyes traveled along the rows of names that had been placed there, and walking along in front of them she finally came to a halt in front of the eternal flame. She snapped to attention and saluted as a mark of respect, and then her head dropped, eyes fixed firmly on the floor. Serena stood back for a while, but as the minutes passed she stepped up beside her and instinctively placed her hand gently on Bernie’s shoulder before allowing her arm to lower, smoothing her hand across her back as she did.

 

“Are you okay?” she asked softly.

 

Bernie turned slowly towards her and Serena could see the glisten of unshed tears in her eyes. She nodded and the ghost of a smile flashed across her face at Serena’s tender enquiry.

 

“Yes,” she said. “Places like this, all around the world, remind me of the courage that ordinary men and women show in defence of their and other’s freedom, and also ultimately the futility of war. It’s one of the reasons I chose to work in the RAMC. We knew that the people we were fighting were like us, merely carrying out their orders. I felt I was there to save as many lives as I could, no matter where their allegiance lay.”

She took a shuddering breath.

“And everyday I remember the ones I couldn’t save.”

 

Serena got a small insight then, into the troubled soul she had seen at the window last night, and nodding in understanding they both walked on to view the other sobering and emotional places where man's inhumanity to man was plain to see.

 

The rest of the day went by fairly quickly. The group met up together to eat lunch at a nearby restaurant and then they were given time to walk through streets of Belarus, learning about its chequered history.

The people were extremely friendly and Serena could not get over how clean everywhere was.

‘ _It would put most British cities to shame,’_ she thought.

 

They were both glad, however, to finally return to the hotel and have a rest before their evening meal. The day had been both physically and, particularly for Bernie, emotionally draining. They had spent nearly all of the day in each others company, much of it in a companionable silence that was rare, given that they had met for the first time, less than 36 hours ago. When Serena went back to her room later that evening she was surprised to find that she was actually looking forward to when they would be sharing sleeping quarters again, and when Bernie awoke suddenly in the night with the remnants of a recurring nightmare still clouding her brain, she looked around, hoping to see the comforting presence of Serena.

The following day, although still staying in the Brest area, was going to offer a completely different experience to yesterday. They were all heading to the beautiful Belovezhskaya National Park. They had the choice of either taking one of the guided walking routes through the park, with frequent stops for coffee and possibly lunch, or, for the more adventurous there was the opportunity of hiring a bicycle, grabbing a map and heading off on their own. Serena could tell straight away that Bernie was itching to get on a bike but was trying not to influence Serena’s choice, not even knowing if she could ride. The prospect that they could do whatever they wanted individually did not seem to occur to either them. In response to Bernie’s raised eyebrow Serena gave a small sigh.

 

“Well, I’m probably not as fit as I used to be, and certainly not as fit as you.” Bernie blushed at those words as Serena carried on talking.

“But I used to enjoy cycling, and from what I can see it doesn’t look like there are many hills around here, so I’m willing to give it a go…. as long as you don’t mind stopping and waiting for me from time to time.”

Bernie grinned with relief.

“That suits me. You may have noticed I’m not one for ‘joining in’ with the set itinerary.”

 

Those words made Serena hesitate slightly, suddenly wondering if she’d got it wrong and Bernie would prefer to go off on her own, but when she grabbed Serena’s arm and pulled her towards the bicycle rack, she relaxed.

They rode around for about 30 minutes, getting a feel of this outstanding area, and, at Serena’s insistence, they kept rigidly to the routes that were shown on the map they had been handed. She had no desire to come face to face with a bear or bison. So Bernie was surprised when she turned to say something to her, and found she was nowhere in sight. She had a moments anxiety when she worried that she had been pedaling faster than intended and had left her far behind, but as she turned around to cycle back, she spotted Serena’s bike lying on the path about 300 yds away. She did panic then, thinking that she had maybe had a fall, and sped towards it as fast as she could. She could see no sign of her at first, but as she scanned either side of the road, she spotted her off to the left in the middle of a dense clump of trees, leaning against one. She waited for a moment to see if Serena was ready to return, thinking how wonderfully quiet it was, just the sound of birds and the wind gently rustling the canopy of leaves above them. When it didn’t seem as if Serena was going to move anytime soon, she walked slowly towards her, trying not to disturb the peace or startle her companion. It was only as she got closer that she could see that her whole body was shaking and she could hear soft gasps as if she was having difficulty breathing.

 

“Serena?” she said softly, coming to a halt just behind her.

Serena’s head whipped round in surprise for a second, before she turned her back again, and Bernie saw her hand move towards her face to wipe away the tears that she had seen glistening on her cheeks in the brief moment she had turned towards her.

 

“I’m fine,” she managed to croak, even though she blatantly wasn’t. “I’m sorry if I worried you, I should have let you know I wanted to stop.”

 

Bernie was standing alongside her now, but was wary of saying or doing the wrong thing.

“Would you like me to stay? Or would you rather I made myself scarce for a while?”

Serena finally managed to turn her head in Bernie’s direction, showing her the pain and misery that was etched on her face.

“Stay…please,” and she moved infinitesimally towards Bernie, who slowly slid her arm around her back, almost mirroring Serena’s action from yesterday.

They stood in silence for a while until Serena felt an unexpected calm fall upon her and moving even closer, she dropped her head onto Bernie’s shoulder. Another minute passed.

 

“Sorry,” murmured Serena eventually, her head still buried into the crook of Bernie’s neck.

“Don’t be,” said Bernie quietly, and as Serena slowly straightened she dropped her arm and caught hold of her hand, giving it a small squeeze.

 

“There’s a seat not too far back, on the road. Do you want to go and sit for a while?”

 

Serena nodded and, still holding hands, they walked the few hundred yards to the bench, and Serena sank down gratefully. Bernie hurried back to collect their bikes and when she returned she sat down next to her, leaving it to Serena to make the next move. It wasn’t long before Serena spoke.

“I feel I owe you an explanation,” she said, with a lot more strength than she felt.

“No, you don’t,” said Bernie instantly. “I mean, I’m here if you want to talk, but don’t feel obliged to. I don’t want to make you uncomfortable.”

Bernie fully understood how hard it was to share things that you had buried deep inside you.

 

Serena shook her head.

“No. I really need to say this… not because I think I should, but because I’ve just realised I have to stop pretending it didn’t happen. That my only child, my daughter… Elinor, died a few months ago.”

Bernie put her hand over one of Serena’s and they gradually entwined their fingers.

“It was a road accident. She was driving erratically – we’d just had a row, and unbeknownst to me she was also under the influence of drugs.” She took a ragged breath.

“It wasn’t that serious, or so we thought, and although things _were_ missed in the initial assessment, I’m not sure that the outcome would have been any different. She insisted she was fine and I, unable to treat her anyway, chose to go into theatre to help the poor sod she’d hit. She collapsed while I was saving someone else’s life… and the rest, as they say is history.”

Her head dropped down again.

“I wanted to return to work, but my CEO said I should take a proper holiday first, to try and put things behind me, to get away from the place that was filled with so many memories.”

 

Bernie sighed at those words, thinking of how many times she had run from people and situations in an attempt to stop herself hurting and to mistakenly try to protect others. It had been relatively recently that she had finally understood that you can’t run away from yourself.

Serena had started speaking again.

“And then suddenly, as I was riding I looked into the woods, and seeing the sunlight streaming through the branches, I was hit by a memory of her running towards me, aged 8. I’d taken her on a short break to Centre Parcs to take her mind off her dad having let her down..again, and we’d gone on a sort of Treasure Hunt trail. She’d just found the final clue and was so happy she ran into my arms, telling me I was the best mother in the whole world for taking her on that holiday.”

 

Serena gasped, a sob catching at the back of her throat, but she persevered, needing to say it.

 

“And it hit me, like a steam train, that wherever I am in the world I’m going to have moments like that, when memories just rush in and overwhelm me. And that I should welcome them, because that’s the way she stays alive in here,” she tapped her head, “and in here,” and she placed her hand over her heart.

Bernie blinked back tears of her own, in awe of how strong this woman was, and squeezed her hand even more tightly. They sat there for quite a while until Serena gently pulled her hand free from Bernie’s and pushed herself up from the bench.

 

“I think it’s time we resumed our little journey, don’t you? And I certainly wouldn’t say no to finding somewhere for a coffee.”

 

She held out her hand to Bernie pulling her to her feet and then went to her bike to retrieve some wipes from the saddle bag. She gave one to Bernie and looking slightly embarrassed she asked her to wipe away her undoubted ‘panda eyes’. Bernie had to cup her chin with her hand to make sure she didn’t lean away from her, and she felt her heart begin to pound as she gazed into those soft brown eyes, forcing her to drop her gaze as she felt a stab of desire run through her body. By the time she was done, her hand was shaking and she turned quickly to pick up her cycle, mounting it and then sat patiently for Serena to join her. Serena was next to her in no time and when Bernie felt composed enough to look at her she was relieved to see a little sparkle back in her face, and she smiled in response as they pushed off to continue their journey. She buried as deep as she could the attraction she had felt, trying to convince herself that it was nothing more than connecting emotionally with someone who had been upset, someone who she could imagine as a friend.

 

They spent the next few hours cycling and walking, taking in the wonderful, peaceful surroundings and occasionally exchanging little snippets of their lives, but nothing too revealing as neither wanted to risk upsetting Serena’s fragile façade. They found a pleasant spot to stop and have the picnic lunch that was purchased at a small café they had found, and when Bernie suggested that they needed to be returning to the start point, Serena acknowledged that in spite of the turbulent memories the place had evoked, she did actually feel lighter in spirit. The breakdown she had suffered in front of Bernie had turned out not to be the soul destroying and humiliating experience she had feared, and that the pretence of always saying she was fine when she wasn’t, was something to learn from.

They, and another 3 of their travelling companions decided to eat at small restaurant in the heart of Brest, one that Serena had already discovered had an extensive wine list, (thanks to Trip Advisor), and both of them felt more relaxed than they felt they had a right to be. Serena couldn’t help but constantly glance in Bernie’s direction, and they both blushed whenever their eyes met across the table, which happened frequently. Bernie was so pleased to see a twinkle in Serena’s eyes, after the devastating revelation of the morning, and she almost luxuriated in the warm feeling it gave her in her chest. By the time they all arrived back at the hotel, both of them were feeling quite tipsy and decided to give the bar a miss. Serena felt she needed to explain to Bernie why.

 

“I’m sure you’ve already sussed that I do like a tipple, but after what has been a lovely, but also a very emotional day, I think I need to go and try to relax. And tomorrow night I’m very conscious that we’ll be trying to sleep on a moving train, and I’m not too sure about that. But, please, you must do what you want.”

 

Bernie smiled and feeling a little giggly she leant in close to Serena’s ear.

“Your argument makes perfect sense to me, I will escort you to your door like the chivalrous Major that I am.”

Her slightly wobbly attempt at a salute should have made Serena laugh, but instead she found herself bristling, wrongly imagining that Bernie was being patronising.

 

“Please, there’s absolutely no need… if you want to have another drink just head over to bar. I don’t need a babysitter.” and she reached out to press the button for the lift.

Bernie reeled slightly at the acid tone.

 

“Oh no, I mean, I’m ready for bed too, I was only trying to be….. funny, I never meant to, you know imply that you needed …”

Bernie ran out of words and Serena felt she had over-reacted.

 

“No, I’m sorry,” she said brusquely as they stepped into the lift. “I’ve had so many weeks of people tip-toeing around me, even when I’m being an absolute bitch. I tend to flare-up if I think someone is being condescending.” Her tone softened slightly. “And you didn’t deserve that, not after today.”

 

Bernie put her hand on Serena’s arm, but was still feeling a little hurt.

“No, I didn’t, but it’s okay, I don’t bruise that easily. And I really do want to call it a night.”

 

They walked along the corridor to their rooms that were nearly opposite each other. They both said goodnight and then turned to look at each other before going in and closing the door behind them. Bernie let out a whoosh of air as she walked over to the bed, kicking her shoes off as she went. She undressed quickly and had a short shower before pulling on her night clothes and climbing into bed. She hadn’t been lying to Serena when she’d said that she wanted to get to bed, but now she was there she found her mind sifting through the events of the day. She and her two children were not exactly close, her career and the recent divorce had driven a few wedges between them that were only just beginning to loosen, but she could scarcely imagine how devastating it must have been for Serena to watch her daughter die, and her heart ached for her. Her own daughter was still reluctant to meet with her, and she often had nightmares that the gap between them was too large for them ever to have a normal mother-daughter bond.

‘ _But there’s still a chance, as long as we’re both on this earth, I can cling to the hope that it will improve…. Serena can’t.’_

She felt her eyes water and shook her head almost in anger.

‘ _Stop feeling sorry for yourself, and do something about it,’_ she remonstrated, vowing to work harder on their relationship as soon as she returned home.

 

Thirty minutes passed and she was no nearer to falling asleep. Her brain was refusing to shut down and she was just considering getting dressed to go out for a quick run when she heard a soft tapping at her door. She pushed herself onto her feet in one fluid movement and was at the door a second later. She opened it a crack and saw Serena, awkwardly standing there, glancing from right to left for fear of being seen in her night attire. Bernie opened the door wider and stood back to let her in. Serena took a few small steps into the room and then stopped. Bernie closed the door and brushed past her before turning to look, placing a hand lightly on her shoulder.

 

“Are you okay?”

 

Serena sighed and nodded and then sighed again.

“Yes…no..I can’t seem to.” She looked down at the floor, obviously embarrassed. “I’m sorry, I didn’t want to disturb you, it’s foolish of me I know..”

 

Bernie guided her over to the bed and sat her down before sitting next to her.

“Really, it’s fine. I couldn’t sleep either, you didn’t wake me so don’t worry. This holiday isn’t quite as relaxing as I’d hoped, and it always takes me a while to wind down if I’m honest.”

 

Serena smiled gratefully at those words.

“Especially after today. Things just keep whirling around in my head, and I don’t think I apologised properly for my behaviour just now. I’m regretting not having another drink, it might have helped me blot out my thoughts.”

She leaned slightly towards Bernie and breathed deeply.

“I just thought if I could see you, speak to you, it might calm me down. It feels odd to say it after we’ve known each other for such a short time, but you seem to.. ground me, make me feel more like my old self, the part of me I miss.”

 

Bernie stood up and Serena panicked that she’d over-stepped a mark, said something to make Bernie feel uncomfortable. But when she found the courage to look at her she could see that she was smiling.

“Why don’t you sit on the bed properly and rest against the pillows? I could make you a cup of tea or an instant hot chocolate?” She waved her hand in the direction of the hospitality tray sitting on a chest of drawers. “Or I could ring room service for a bottle of wine.”

Serena’s felt some of the tension in her shoulders go, and she smiled in relief.

“If you’re sure you don’t mind, I think I’ll risk the grainy hot chocolate.”

 

In a couple of minutes Bernie handed Serena a steaming mug and then slid onto the bed next to her, reaching down to pull the cover up to their waists, and Serena felt a pang at such a simple, caring gesture.

“I can’t believe my luck in meeting you… I certainly didn’t expect to be looked after so well.”

Bernie ducked her head, feeling a little self-conscious, and then peered at Serena through her fringe.

“Sometimes it goes hand in hand with our profession, don’t you think? Although not all my patients would agree with that, not a lot of time for niceties in a war zone. I certainly know some of the nurses at St James’ find me a little on the blunt side.”

Serena finished her drink and put the mug on the bedside table.

“Well, I’d be happy to pop along and correct their opinion when we return home.”

She patted Bernie’s arm, and giving a small sigh she made to get up to return to her own room.

 

“You don’t have to go, yet,” said Bernie quickly, “or at all if you’d feel happier, you know, being with someone? I wouldn’t mind..” her voice faltered slightly as Serena stared at her incredulously. “Or not..whichever…just a thought.”

Serena shook her head in amazement.

“Are you sure? I mean, I don’t want to deprive you of your privacy, or make you feel obligated..but it would be nice, if you really mean it?”

 

Bernie couldn’t help but feel a thrill at Serena’s obvious pleasure in being asked to stay.

"I really don’t mind. Being on your own all the time is highly overrated in my opinion. I’ve just got to read a text that’s come through and then I’ll switch the lamp off. Okay?”

 

Serena nodded and slid down until her head was resting on the pillow, not quite believing how comfortable this all felt. Five minutes later, when Bernie also lay down, she was pleased to see, by the gentle expanding and contracting of Serena’s back, that she appeared to have already gone to sleep. She suppressed the unbidden desire to press a kiss to the back of her head, and turned quickly away, curling into a small ball trying to ignore the sudden thudding of her heart.

 

 

 


	4. Days 4,5 and 6 : Onwards to Kiev

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bernie's turn to share some personal matters, and they are both finding each others company a growing need, rather than an obligation.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm afraid that things might slow down soon, I've just been editing notes I already had written so far, and there aren't many left. But I feel I still have a lot more to write on this, maybe extending it to their return to Holby. Who knows whither my muse will take me? ;)

 

Chapter 4 : Days 4, 5 & 6 – Onwards to Kiev

 

 

In spite of the events of the previous day, Serena had slept quite soundly. She roused early in the morning and was momentarily confused by the warmth she could feel against her cheek. The realisation that her head was resting against Bernie’s back and her arm was loosely draped over Bernie’s waist startled her, yet for a split second she luxuriated in the comforting feeling of being so close to another person. Registering that Bernie might be embarrassed if she awoke whilst they were virtually spooning, she slowly lifted her arm away and then just as carefully moved her head onto her pillow, holding her breath when Bernie murmured something and turned onto her back. Serena waited for a few minutes, lying perfectly still until she was sure that she hadn’t disturbed her too much, then as gently as she could she eased herself off the bed so that she could return quietly to her own room. As she reached the door she turned back to look at Bernie, and was struck by how beautiful she was, a pink glow on her cheeks, and her ruffled blonde hair framing her face. She smiled fondly at the sight, and thought how lovely it might be to stroke that silky hair and place a kiss on her cheek.

Her eyes widened in shock and her body stiffened.

‘ _Where the hell did that come from?’_ she wondered, and felt her face grow hot at the physical response her body had experienced. As she closed the door she also tried to close her mind to the possibility that she was attracted to Bernie.

When Bernie finally roused, she was disappointed that Serena had already left, but understood that she might have felt uncomfortable about sharing a bed last night, and she too pushed her own growing feelings for Serena to the back of her mind.

They met up over breakfast and they both felt slightly awkward at first. But, as they were sharing a table with 3 others from the group it wasn’t long before conversation flowed easily, and it was only when Serena caught her eye in the lobby while they were all waiting for their transport for the next part of the journey, she mouthed the words ‘thank you’ to her, and Bernie’s stomach did a little flip, as she stared at her lips.

 

They were visiting a small town called Njasvizh to visit some beautiful 16th century buildings. Serena was relieved to see that today offered no reminders of the horrors of WW2, and was very taken with this engaging place. It seemed to be rare in this part of Europe for there to be no heavy destruction of old buildings, and she delighted in the quaintness of many of the streets as they walked around on their way to the rather splendid palace. Bernie too seemed quite relaxed, but Serena suspected that if many of the days were spent in pretty villages like this, then she might not have found the tour interesting enough for her. But, for now, she appeared content, happy to walk alongside Serena, enjoying the sights. In fact Bernie was relieved to see that Serena had regained an equilibrium that allowed her to smile frequently and her eyes to sparkle, giving her an almost symbiotic connection, marveling that she was enjoying the day because Serena was.

 

They re-boarded their coach in the mid-afternoon which took them all the way back to the city of Minsk. They enjoyed a dinner in a pre-booked restaurant, so that there were no chances of people wandering off doing own thing, as they needed to be on time to board the overnight train to Kiev, which should take around 10 hours. This was another occasion where Bernie and Serena had been asked to share their sleeping quarters, and although it no longer seemed uncomfortable, there were small concerns on both sides, given they had experienced feelings of an early attraction to each other. Serena was looking forward to trying to find out a little more about this woman, who seemed very skilled at shutting down when asked personal questions.

The sleeping accommodation was better than Serena had expected, thankful that they were not dealing with bunk beds. The seats that were on opposite sides of the room had been converted into beds with a small table between them. As there was no en-suite facilities, the only toilets were at either end of the carriage, so they both chose to make use of the facilities before getting changed for bed in their compartment. Serena in particular found keeping her balance on a moving train whilst trying to remove items of clothing to be quite a challenge, but she was firm in her resolve not to catch sight of Bernie in a state of undress, so they stood with their backs to each other. She made a quick decision to leave her bra and pants on under the nightshirt she had chosen to wear, as the thought of having to need the loo or vacate the train in an emergency, wearing her usual satin type nightdress, filled her with horror. Not to mention the very real chance of losing her balance as she disrobed, ending up half naked in front of Bernie. They both slid into their beds in record time, only looking at each other when they felt safely covered up. They both decided that they wanted to lie down straightaway, and Serena reached over to switch off the light. Bernie asked her if she would mind if she opened the curtains to the window, as she tended to feel a little tense when in a small space that she wasn’t familiar with, especially as the tour operator had suggested it may be wise to lock the door once they were settled for the night.

 

“Of course I don’t mind,” said Serena, “it _is_ quite…snug in here, isn’t it?”

Bernie simply made a humming noise and Serena guessed that part of her was quite uncomfortable with the situation, so she decided to try and distract her.

“I’ve got a question I’ve been wanting to ask you,” said Serena, “if you don’t mind? You can simply tell me to get lost if you don’t want to answer.”

 

“Um…okay,” replied Bernie wondering what on earth Serena wanted to know.

“I can’t help wondering what your proper name is? I’m assuming that your parents didn’t christen you ‘Bernie’?”

Bernie gave a small laugh, mainly of relief.

“No, the Bernie was what _I_ insisted on once I was about 9. It’s actually Berenice, and if you think that’s a bit much…... my full name is Berenice Griselda Wolfe.”

There was a small silence before Serena managed a reply.

“Blimey,” she said, “did you give your mom a hard time during labour to earn that mouthful?”

The snort of laughter from Bernie startled Serena, and the braying sound that followed was very infectious so it wasn’t long before they were both having a fit of the giggles. When they both calmed down, Bernie asked Serena if she had a middle name too.

“Yes, but it’s a lot more ordinary,” she answered, “It’s Wendy, Serena Wendy Campbell, although back then my surname was McKinnie.”

“So you didn’t go back to your maiden name after splitting with your husband?”

“No, by that time it was the name I was known by in medical circles, and I didn’t want to have a different name to my daughter.”

There was a small awkward silence after that, until Serena asked, “Did you? Go back to your own name after the divorce?"

Bernie huffed slightly. “I never took my husband's name. My feeble attempt at independence I suppose.”

 

“Well, Major Berenice Griselda Wolfe, I think it’s time I tried to get some sleep. Good night.”

“Good night,” murmured Bernie, a small smile playing around her lips as she reflected on the warmth she had felt when Serena had said her full name. She turned on her side, so that she was facing the door, and closed her eyes.

 

 

It was nearly 3 hours later that Serena roused up, disturbed she presumed by the noise of the wheels on the track and the swaying of the carriage. But as she opened her eyes she saw Bernie standing, leaning against the door, her hand softly slapping the wall and she could hear a small whimpering noise issuing from her mouth. Serena sat up immediately and said her name softly.

“Bernie?”

There was no immediate reaction except that the noise she was making grew louder, now sounding more like a wail. Serena pushed herself onto her feet and moved closer to her, but refrained from touching her, not really sure if she was awake. She tried again to make her aware of her presence, raising her voice when she spoke again.

“Bernie…it’s Serena. Why don’t you come and sit down?”

The hand that had been hitting the wall dropped down to her side, but she still stayed leaning against the door, and Serena could see her body was shaking. She risked putting her hand gently onto Bernie’s shoulder.

“Bernie? Please…come and sit down, you’re trembling. It’s me, I’m here, I’ll help you.”

The tension that Serena had felt in Bernie’s shoulders seemed to dissipate suddenly and she slumped against Serena as she guided her backwards to sit on the edge of the bed. Serena sat down next to her, but Bernie still didn’t to be fully aware of her surroundings, simply staring blankly into space, her eyes unfocused. Without speaking Serena covered the hand that was resting on the bed with her own, and was rewarded a minute or two later as she felt Bernie turn her hand over so that their fingers entwined.

 

“I’m sorry,” she whispered, so quietly that Serena barely heard her above the noise of the train. “What…what was I doing? Did I wake you?”

“Hush,” said Serena, “I don’t know why I woke, but I’m glad I did. You..seemed very upset. I think it was a sort of nightmare or even a type of sleepwalking.” She squeezed her hand. “Does it happen often?”

Serena’s thoughts went back a couple of nights to when she had seen Bernie standing by the window, agitated, but not as bad as this evening.

Bernie exhaled loudly. “Occasionally. I’ve suffered with nightmares ever since I was a child.”

She turned her head to look at Serena and tried to smile. “I’m fine now, we can go back to bed.”

Serena shook her head. “This was more than an ordinary nightmare…I’m a doctor, remember? And I’ve had  _my_ fair share of nightmares recently… so  let’s just say that yours seemed much more unpleasant and very disorientating. How often do you wake up and not know where you are, or not where you went to sleep?”

Bernie ran her free hand through her hair.

“More often than I like to admit.”

“Does anyone else know?”

Bernie nodded. “My psychotherapist, well, when I go. I’m not fond of the whole counselling thing. I..erm..I have some symptoms… of PTSD. It’s better than it was, but…sleeping can still be a problem.”

Serena waited. Her own therapy sessions had taught her that saying nothing sometimes prompted the other person to carry on talking to fill the gap. Bernie suddenly became very conscious of Serena’s thumb gently stroking along the back of her hand and she cleared her throat.

 

“Could you pass me my bottle of water? she asked, and was relieved when Serena untangled their hands so she could lean over to the table.

“Thank you. You know, apart from my therapist I’ve never told anyone else about it. You must have put a spell on me, although to be fair, I haven’t shared sleeping accommodation with anyone else for quite a while so that has hardly been a problem”

Bernie's brain wasn't screaming at her to shut up as it did during her therapy sessions.‘ _And what’s weird is that I don’t feel as scared as I thought I would, telling you these things’_

Serena smiled in the dim light from the window.

“No different to how I felt, when i managed to open up to you, yesterday. Maybe the fact that we don’t know each others history helps somehow…or perhaps we just met up at the right time in our personal journeys, for both of us. Erm .....do you want to talk anymore about it?”

“Normally I’d say no very quickly. I don’t usually do.. the whole sharing thing.”

But then Bernie shrugged. “But..why not? The bottling it up inside doesn’t seem to be working too well for me.”

She took a few good deep breaths, couldn’t believe that she was still so shaky and would ordinarily want nothing more than to be a million miles away but, somehow this felt…right.

So, haltingly, stumbling over her words she started to tell this woman of some of her history. Her time in the RAMC, where yes, she had seem some awful things and had to operate under horrendous conditions, but where she had felt she was making a difference and found a comradeship the like of which she had never known before. The guilt she'd felt after she’d had her children and she'd to choose between staying at home to protect them and watch them grow, and the call of duty. Serena was struck by the fact that she said very little about her ex husband. He didn’t seem to be part of the struggle, not someone she had considered when making her choices.

Bernie finally admitted to Serena (and herself) how scared she’d been when she’d been in the vehicle that had been blown off the road by an IED.

“I’d always promised Cameron and Charlotte that I was coming back to them, that I would be fine, I’d be careful. When they were young I know that it hurt them when I went back to wherever I was posted, probably thought I didn’t love them enough or they weren’t good enough for me to want to stay.”

She gave a small sob.

“I was never the over-protective parent, a bit like my own parents, there for me but letting me make my own way. But all those years went by with me promising them something that I had very little control over, and for whatever the reason I always went back and even….even when I was lying flat on my back at Holby being wheeled down to theatre with Marcus telling me that he loved me and that at least now I could retire from the army, I was only focusing on the fact that I’d just been offered a 10 year commission. Marcus’s face when I told him…it just crumpled.”

She put her head in her hands, and Serena looked at her helplessly. Normally she would have gathered someone this upset into her arms hugging them until they calmed, but she sensed that Bernie’s struggles were ones she’d never expressed before, and that opening up like this was alien to her. A touch at the wrong moment would cause her to clam up once again. So she did what she found best to do in these circumstances; she waited.

“So for reasons that I still don't fully understand, I decided that maybe he was right. That I owed it to him and my children, even though they were grown up by now, to try and make a go of it, to make amends. After all, how many times had they put their lives on hold because of me? So I tried, I really did, for a while until…” She glanced in Serena’s direction before taking another deep breath.

“Until I decided that things weren’t going to work out between me and Marcus and I wanted a divorce. He seemed to accept that, sort of, even if he didn’t understand it. We had been married for 25 years and for the most part we had been….fine. It was…convenient, it was…oh, how we managed, the being together for awhile and then apart.”

Serena risked speaking.

“It sounds a lot more civilised than Edward and myself. Mind you, he was a womaniser of the grandest order and I wasn’t going to stand for that. At least Marcus didn’t cheat on you.”

Bernie gave a short sharp laugh, and then her voice quietened even more.

 

“No, he didn’t. That honour was left to me…I’d had an affair while on my last tour, with the anaesthetist that had been assigned to my team.”

 

Serena was shocked, and she felt some of the sympathy she’d felt for her companion slip away, but it also raised a question she couldn’t help but ask.

“So why are you not back in the RAMC? I mean, once it had all come out, once the divorce was underway, why did you stay in Holby…in the same hospital as your husband for god’s sake? That must have been quite humiliating for him. I know it was for me.”

Serena could feel herself getting angry and she didn’t want to, she still felt a connection to this woman and she could see that, unlike Edward, she was suffering a huge amount of guilt.

“Didn’t the other man love you? I presume you loved him because I can’t imagine you would have risked everything otherwise. Or had he had his fling and had now moved on?”

Bernie gave a wry smile, biting her lip nerously.

“Oh no, _she_ definitely loved me, as I did her…she came to me at St James’s to beg me to go back to her…but the guilt was too much. I’d hurt my family, I’d let them and myself down and I knew I could never look at her without remembering that. Then, as time passed I began to wonder if it had been love if I’d been able to ignore what she wanted, even though that added a another layer of guilt. And she definitely deserved to be with someone braver than myself.”

 

If Serena had been shocked by the confession of an affair, she was completely taken aback by the reveal that it was with a woman. Not that the knowledge made the affair any worse, if anything it seemed in her mind to mitigate it somewhat. So many questions came into her mind she didn’t know where to start. Bernie meanwhile, appeared to have shrunk in stature and was now curling in on herself, fearing that Serena was now wishing she’d never laid eyes on her, and they had a lot of days to get through before the holiday was over.

“I’m so sorry, I’m not sure how or why I said all that. It was if once I’d started I couldn’t stop.” Her voice lowered and she kept her eyes fixed firmly on the floor.

“I will quite understand if you’d rather not feel obliged to pair up for the rest of the holiday. And if that’s still too awkward I can always bow out and spend some time in Kiev. I know someone there who could put me up for a few days.”

 

Serena hesitated before speaking, trying to weigh her words carefully.

“Well, that was definitely not what I was expecting to hear, but people are rarely predictable and I’m sure the sharing of my experience yesterday was not something you’d signed up for either. And I’m not here to sit in judgement on anybody, what’s done is done. And for what it’s worth, I do think you were and are genuinely sorry at how things turned out.”

Serena paused.

“Would you mind if I asked you a personal question?”

Bernie lifted her head slightly before shaking it slowly.

“I rather think we’ve crossed that boundary in one way or another….ask away. I can always tell you if I’d rather not say.”

Serena swallowed with difficulty, aware that she was approaching a delicate matter that she really had no right to ask.

 

“Had you..did you ever suspect, before your affair, that you were attracted to women? Or was it like a bolt of lightning, out of the blue?”

“Huh! I’ve asked myself that question so many times, and honestly? I don’t really know. I mean looking back you can convince yourself there was something there, you know, schoolgirl crushes on female teachers…but lots of girls go through that, it doesn’t make them lesbians. I know I was never in a rush to get a boyfriend and never really swooned over the latest heartthrob, but then I was very focused on my career, on my studies. I gave myself very little time for ‘socialising’ and I think if Marcus and I had met outside of Uni, then we probably wouldn’t have looked at each other twice. He was pretty much my first and only boyfriend and finally…my husband.”

Serena was startled to realise that this woman had virtually no idea how attractive she was, had probably always been.

“So you never, ‘experimented’ with another girl or woman before….?”

Bernie shook her head.

“It was a lot harder in our day wasn’t it? I mean unless you were a hundred percent sure, you didn’t really entertain the idea, because you just did what was expected of you. which was to find a nice boy and settle down and start a family. Even if I’d wanted to test the water, I wouldn’t have had a clue where to start. It’s not as if there were obvious gay clubs to go to, it was very underground I think. But I just knew, the first time I kissed Alex, and when we…. once I was _with_ her, completely, I could never imagine….never really want to be with Marcus, in that way, again. I still tried, but it didn’t feel like I was being _me_ anymore.”

 

Bernie suddenly collapsed, falling sideways against Serena, feeling absolutely drained. She didn’t think she’d talked so much, ever. Her psychotherapist would be proud and amazed. Serena curled her arm round her and gave her a quick hug.

“Do you want to try lying down again? Even if we can’t sleep, I think we need to try to relax a little.”

Bernie nodded and allowed Serena to help her back into her bed, and as she pulled the covers back up she caught hold of Serena’s hand.

“I know I’ve thrown a lot of information at you, stuff you’d probably rather not have known, but I have to ask. Are you okay with this? I will understand if you’d rather put some distance between us right now.”

Serena sighed and brought her hand up to gently stroke Bernie’s hair away from her face.

“I won’t deny that I’m surprised and a little shaken by some of your revelations, but believe me, I’m the last person to stand in judgement. I hurt some lovely people, who definitely didn’t deserve it, because of the trauma of losing Elinor…. which is in no way meant as an excuse. I can only imagine the stress involved in working in a war zone as you have, for such a long time, it must eventually cloud your ability to make clear choices. And when you’re constantly surrounded by death and hate who could blame you for welcoming the chance of love?”

Bernie went to say something, but Serena pressed a finger to her lips to stop her.

“Shhh, we can say no more about it, unless you want to. Thank you for trusting me enough to share, but I’m afraid, unless you tell me otherwise, you’re stuck with me for the rest of this holiday.”

And before she could think twice, she bent over and placed a chaste kiss on Bernie’s cheek, before returning to her own berth. As they lay there drifting in and out of sleep for the rest of the night, they both imagined there was an invisible yet strong thread that was pulling them closer together with every passing day.

 

Consequently, they both felt pretty exhausted when the train arrived in Kiev and they were very relieved to find that the Hotel Ukraine, was not only the most elegant they had stayed in so far, but they were also accommodating enough to allow them early access. Quite a few of the members of their tour group elected to spend a couple of hours in their rooms, rather than join the arranged gentle activity of a sightseeing tour being driven around Kiev, and Serena managed a short nap before luxuriating in a hot bath for the first time on the holiday. She was just about to wander down to the lobby when she heard a knock at her door and was not surprised to see Bernie on the other side looking rather sheepish.

“I hope you managed to get a bit more rest,” she said, “and I’m sorry that you’ve missed out on what appears to have been a lovely morning.”

Serena, pulled her inside the room and patted her arm as she let her go.

“Nonsense, we’ve still got plenty of time to explore. Did you have anywhere in particular you wanted to go?”

 

As she spoke, Serena noticed a shadow fall over Bernie’s face and she looked slightly guilty, or was it sad? And it occurred to her that they hadn’t really discussed their plans for today, and it was looking as though Bernie hadn’t planned on spending it with her. Or maybe what she had divulged last night was making her feel uncomfortable around Serena. She felt herself go hot at the thought that she had presumed they would spend it together, and she started to babble to hide her embarrassment.

 

“Sorry, I didn’t mean I was expecting us to be doing the same thing. I was going to look around the centre maybe take in one of the famous churches, do some shopping, and that’s probably not your sort of thing at all. You just head off and do want you want to, we’re not exactly joined at the hip are we?”

She started to move towards the door, and had just put her hand out when Bernie grabbed her wrist.

“Serena, I’m sorry, I should have talked about this before. Probably would have done if I hadn’t had a minor meltdown during the night…… I would be really happy to spend some time with you, but I just have somewhere to go, which will only take me about an hour I think.”

She walked Serena over to the bed, still holding onto her arm and sat down, and Serena sat beside her.

“In spite of me virtually telling you my life history early this morning, I didn’t get around to telling you why I chose this particular holiday. My son, Cameron, is here in Kiev, working at the Military Hospital as part of his medical training, and I’ve arranged to meet him over his break.”

 

Serena stared at her as she took in this new information.

“Is he training for the RAMC like yourself?”

Bernie shook her head.

“No, he’s recently qualified and he’s very interested in Trauma, which is a speciality of the Ukrainian Health care system. The military aspect of the hospital doesn’t mean they just deal with injuries to soldiers, they respond to most of RTI’s here. I was able to pull a few strings to get him this posting, because I helped set the unit up.”

Just when Serena thought she’d got a handle on this complex woman she learnt something knew. She smiled warmly at her.

“Well, of course you must go. You must be interested in seeing how the unit is operating as well. I suspect you made some friends while you were over here too.”

Bernie shrugged her shoulders and gave a wry smile, describing them as colleagues rather than friends. She did say that the leading surgeon there was someone she had worked closely with when she had been in Kiev, and he had promised her a small catch-up tour, if circumstances allowed, and that she was then going to take her son for lunch.

“You’d be more than welcome to join us, if you’d like to?”

Serena shook her head vehemently.

“No, this is time for you to see your son. And I’m damn sure he wouldn’t want the small amount of time he can have with you, to be shared with some random woman you’ve only just met.”

Bernie’s face softened and she put her hand over Serena’s, curling her fingers around it.

“You’re not a _random_ woman. You’re definitely more to me than that……. More than many people I call friends in Holby.”

She released Serena’s hand and lowered her eyes before she could embarrass herself any more. Serena was quite moved and she took a moment before she replied, wanting to choose her words carefully.

“I came on this holiday alone and never imagined that I would find someone I like being with, quite as much as I do with you. But because of that I had plenty of plans for days that I didn’t feel like joining the group. So go and see your son, and …. make the most of every second, because…well, you know.”

Bernie’s heart swelled and she fought against the desire to gather the woman sitting beside her into her arms.

“How about we make arrangements to have dinner together this evening then? I could always ask Cam for some recommendations, although that might not extend past MacDonalds or the local pizza place.”

She stood up and walked towards the door, and Serena followed her.

“Anything will be fine,” she said. “I’ll look forward to seeing you later, shall I meet you in the foyer here around 6.30pm?”

Bernie smiled and nodded as Serena closed the door behind her. She felt as if all the air in the room had been sucked away, and she sat down abruptly on the chair by the door trying to catch her breath.

‘ _What is happening to me? I really wanted to pull her into a hug and…’_

The voice in her head tailed off as she tried to close her mind to where her thoughts were taking her. She’d built a lot of walls inside after Elinor’s death and had attempted to freeze her heart to stop feeling so wretched. But the flawed and decidedly less than perfect woman that had entered her life barely six days ago had already knocked a great big hole in more than one of them and it was both terrifying and wonderful at the same time. She had finally started to feel human again. Smiling to herself she left the room only minutes after Bernie, and decided that a little retail therapy was exactly what she needed.

 


	5. Days 6 & 7 : Kiev > Lviv

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We meet Cameron, and Serena takes a tumble

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone who has left such lovely comments and given me kudos. This is probably the last 'quick' post I shall be doing, as I have virtually caught up with myself in writing ahead. I will endeavour not to keep you waiting too long though.

Chapter 5 : Days 6 & 7 – Kiev to Lviv

Serena didn’t just shop. She also visited the St Sophia Cathedral which is situated in the centre of Kiev. Whilst she didn’t really believe in the existence of God, and certainly didn’t approve of the many conflicts that religion (or those people that professed to follow the religion) had brought to the world, she did have a spiritual side to her that allowed her to acknowledge the atmosphere within a place of worship, whichever faith had built it. In those moments she forgot about how the money that had been spent on it could have been put to (in her opinion) a better use, and simply breathed in the beauty and art that she encountered. The mosaics and frescoes that had survived since the 11th century were astounding and she was very glad that she made the effort to climb the bell tower, to be wowed by the sight of Kiev from above.

So, when she met up with Bernie again just after 6.30pm, she felt that she had at least made an attempt to learn a little of the history of Ukraine’s capital city. Once they had arrived at the restaurant that Bernie had chosen for their evening meal, Serena asked her if she had done much sight-seeing in the city when she had lived here for 3 months. Bernie looked a little ashamed and shook her head.

“No, I’m afraid I spent very little time outside of the hospital and my digs while I was here. I mean I did wander out in search of shops when necessary, and I was taken with how the old and new seemed to blend quite well, but I didn’t really do anything you could term ‘touristy’.”

Serena raised an eyebrow.

“Any particular reason why, or were you just too busy?”

“Well, very busy obviously, and I’m sure you know that the setting up of any project within a hospital is very intensive on many, many levels. Add a communication problem into the mix because of language difficulties, and you find you have hardly any time for anything else, other than eating and sleeping. But I admit, it also had something to do with trying to shut out the things that were going on back home. I didn’t want to think about the divorce, how my children had, thankfully temporarily, turned against me; or how I wanted to be somewhere that Alex wouldn’t come looking for me. I was a mess and I closed down my mind to anything that wasn’t work related. If I had any spare time of an evening, I coped with that by drinking just enough vodka or whisky to allow me some sleep without affecting how I did my job during the day.”

She looked at Serena and gave a shy smile.

“And once again you have me talking more in a few minutes than I have done in the past month! Are you sure you're not a witch, because I'm certain I’ve fallen under your spell.”

They both paused at those words and it was a few moments before Serena broke the silence by clearing her throat.

“Right, well I'm sure there are a few F1's that might consider that a fair description of my character. So I hope you enjoyed seeing your son _and_ the Trauma Centre again?”   


Bernie nodded enthusiastically. She had met quite a few staff that she had recognised from the previous time she worked there, and some had hinted that they would always be happy for her to return. She had obviously earnt their respect. The delight in Bernie’s voice as she said this, caused a sinking feeling in Serena’s stomach, as she had already begun to hope that they would stay in touch when the holiday ended and they were back in to Holby. She didn't want to imagine that this growing friendship could end as fast as it had started. She forced herself to smile and asked how her son seemed to be managing in a foreign city.

Bernie’s voice lightened even more as she talked about their lunch.   


“He seems to have settled in quite well, and has picked up far more of the language in one month than I did in three. I think his brain is geared that way fortunately, as I can see him travelling the world to work in lots of different places where he thinks there is a humanitarian need.”

“Not that different to his mother then?” Serena observed, and Bernie blushed slightly.   


“He said he would have liked to have met you and that I should have made you come to lunch with us, as I’d talked so much about you anyway.”

Bernie winced inside as she said that, and Serena’s stomach clenched at the words. Their eyes locked across the table as they both reached for their wine glass to take a sip, and the silence between them seemed to go on forever. Then the waiter appeared at the table with their starter and time restarted and Serena talked a little more about her shopping trip, confessing she had, as always spent far more than she’d intended.

The rest of the evening went by with them both chatting about inconsequential things and there were no more awkward moments. On their return to the hotel, they decided on an early night and they went to their respective rooms without so much as a backward glance, arranging to meet up for breakfast when they would decide whether or not to join the group visit to Chernobyl the following day. Once in bed, they both lay awake for a while musing over their friendship, and neither were surprised that there was no tapping on doors or sharing of beds that night, although both of them had half hoped there might be.

The following morning, they sat having breakfast in the hotel mulling over the proposed itinerary for the day. Bernie it seemed was quite interested in visiting Chernobyl to see how the site and the surrounding abandoned villages were recovering from the disaster that had happened back in 1986. They had both been in medical school at the time, and quite a few lecturers had taken the opportunity to educate the students on the treatment of radiation exposure, which Serena had found quite harrowing. She remembered vividly the scenes that had been broadcast once the extent of the catastrophic event was finally known, and she really didn’t want to go anywhere near it. She had already made up her mind to that, even before booking the holiday, so was planning on a little more exploration of Kiev and _possibly_ a little more shopping. If Bernie was disappointed, she didn’t show it and nobly offered to accompany Serena for the day, even though wandering from shop to shop was not exactly her ideal pastime.

Serena however, was determined that she should go with the others, and to that end she threatened to spend the whole day in her bedroom or the hotel foyer if she insisted on staying with her. Bernie was torn, as she would have loved to have spent more time Serena’s company, but recognised from the steely glint in her eye that this was one battle it wasn’t worth fighting over. So, an hour later, and with a quick squeeze of hands they arranged to meet up again at the railway station where the whole group would congregate before travelling to Lviv, their next destination.

Taking her time, Serena walked somewhat aimlessly along different streets to yesterday, popping in and out of shops, this time looking for small gifts she might take back for friends and colleagues. It also struck her that she wanted to keep an eye out for a small present for Bernie, as a token of her gratitude. She decided to look for a suitable place to stop for lunch, and had just glanced down at the map of Kiev that she had picked up from the hotel when a scene from one of her nightmares unfolded before her. She heard a squeal of brakes and, looking up, watched in horror as a young man who moments before had been riding a bike along a designated cycle lane, was flung into the air over the bonnet of the car that had just hit him, to land with a sickening thud onto the road. She froze for a moment, and then the medic in her pushed her forwards, and she ran into the road herself, without a thought for her own safety, sinking to her knees by the side of him. She leaned forward asking him his name, trying to ascertain his level of consciousness, but there was no verbal response. It did occur to her that he probably wouldn’t understand her even if he was able to hear, but she carried on talking to him while feeling for a pulse. It was there, but thready and erratic, and looking around was relieved to see that a number of bystanders were already on their phones, which she hoped meant that some sort of ambulance service would soon arrive. Someone else approached her with a coat rolled up to put under the man’s head, but Serena put a hand out to stop them.

“No,” she said, quite forcibly, and then called out, “does anyone here speak English?” 

A couple of people moved forward and she asked them to explain to everyone that had gathered around that she was a doctor. She asked if someone would check on the driver of the car, who at the very least would be in shock, and try to persuade them not to get out of their seat until help arrived. She also appealed for someone to assist her as she wanted to make sure that his head was kept as still as possible, but also needed to check if there were any signs of further injuries. A young woman stepped forward and she asked her to undo the jacket he was wearing, and to pull up his t-shirt so that she could do a visual check of his stomach and chest, and noted with a degree of concern a red mark on his left side which could mean damage to his ribs and possibly his spleen. In the distance she heard what she thought was a siren, and when an ambulance finally drew up alongside her, she gave a huge sigh of relief. There were 2 paramedics and a third person, a young male who she thought might be a doctor on a ‘ride along’. Crossing her fingers that at least one of them understood English, she started to report her findings. The young doctor immediately spoke to her in perfect English and explained that one of the paramedics would take her place, holding the victim’s head while he carried out a further check on other potential injuries. He held out his hand to assist her to her feet, for which she was extremely grateful, only just then realising how sore and stiff her knees had become, kneeling on the road. Feeling quite shaky and a little light-headed she wobbled slightly and took a step or two backwards to regain her balance. The next second there was a blow to her side and she found herself knocked to the floor, her head receiving a glancing blow from the car’s bumper as she went down. Disorientated she attempted to scramble to her feet, as the third paramedic tried to keep her still. Pushing him back she managed to lever herself into a sitting position, before leaning back against the car. The young doctor, responding to the shout from his colleague, looked over at her.

“You obviously have medical training, a doctor I would assume from the comprehensive medical assessment you gave us, so you really should know better than to try and stand up after being knocked over.”

Although he spoke softly, his tone was quite firm, and she nodded in understanding, her hand shooting to her head as it throbbed with the movement. She felt wetness and pulling her hand back to look at it, she could see blood on her fingers.

The doctor spoke again.

“Don’t worry. You have a laceration caused, I would guess, by the metal bumper. I’ll get you a pad to hold on it while we get the first victim into the ambulance. And then we’ll put you in there as well so we can do a proper examination back at the hospital.”

Serena groaned in disbelief.

“Really? I’m sure it’ll stop bleeding soon, and maybe you should be checking out the driver of the car and whoever hit me as well. They might need more immediate attention than myself.”

The young man gave an exasperated sigh.

“There is another ambulance on its way for the driver, who appears to be only shaken. The cyclist that hit you was going slowly, gazing at the accident, and he more or less just stepped off his bike after colliding with you, so I’m confident that he’ll be fine." 

Seeing that Serena was about to argue he tried another tack. "Look, the police will want to speak to you about the original incident anyway, so surely it will be more comfortable for you to do that at the hospital where we can keep an eye on things, rather than sitting in a police station somewhere while they have to locate an interpreter.”

Serena sighed with frustration, but could see the logic behind his reasoning, and not wanting to hold the ambulance up any longer she acquiesced, but refused to be strapped into a chair. Once on board Serena turned to the doctor and apologised.

“I’m sorry if you think I'm being difficult or causing you trouble. I’m just a little anxious as I’m on a touring holiday and I’m due to be at the railway station by 4.00pm to travel to Lviv. I do not want to be stuck in an Emergency dept for hours, that might result in me missing my train.”

The doctor had been checking the vitals of the young man, but at her words he turned to stare at her with a look of bemusement on his face.   


“You wouldn’t be... um..Serena, would you?”

Serena’s head snapped up and she winced slightly as her head throbbed again.

“What! How on earth….?”

He grinned, slightly sheepishly, and in that expression, Serena saw it.

“You’re…”

“I’m Bernie’s son, Cameron. She came to see me yesterday and she did talk quite a lot about an attractive lady she had met on her holiday, and how she couldn't spend more time with me because they were travelling to Lviv today. Small world, huh?”

They both laughed incredulously, and Serena felt herself relax slightly and a warm feeling spread through her, acknowledging that Bernie had indeed talked about her, _and_ that she thought of her as attractive. It seemed a silly and vain thing to be happy about, but she couldn’t deny the pleasure it gave her.

“So, I’m very relieved you agreed to come and be checked over. Otherwise once she knew she’d have marched in here, dragged me in front of my superior by my ear _and_ given me a tongue lashing as she did.”

And although they laughed, Serena could believe that Bernie would have no qualms about doing that, especially if she thought it would help make him a better doctor.

The next couple of hours passed in a blur as she was examined by another more experienced doctor, who sent her for a CT scan, and arranged for the laceration to her temple, which was quite deep, to have a couple of stitches. Then, satisfied that she was capable of giving a coherent statement, they allowed the police to interview her about the original accident, and to give an account of her own mishap. Cameron stayed with her in case he could help in acting as an interpreter, but in reality was not need very much. But now that all of that was out of the way she was bored and anxious to be gone, having decided that she would discharge herself if there was going to be much more of a delay. She suddenly heard raised voices, one of which belonged to Cameron, who was obviously annoyed.

“No, you can’t just storm in here and expect that everyone will get out of your way…you know that better than anyone…..Madre, please!”

The curtain to her cubicle was yanked aside and Bernie came charging in to stand by her side.

“Bernie?....what?”

“Cameron called as soon as he could…”

“Yeah, kinda wishing I hadn’t now,” he muttered.

Bernie turned to give him her best  ‘ _don’t mess with me I’m your mother’_ glare, and then focused her attention back to Serena.

“How are you?” she asked gently, reaching out to hold Serena’s chin with her hand so she could look at the abrasions on her face and the cut to her temple. “Neat stitching,” she observed, “is that your work Cam?”

Still smarting from being treated like a naughty boy he just shook his head.

Serena had found herself leaning her head against Bernie’s hand and the tender way in which she was looking at her, made her eyes fill with tears, and she blinked rapidly to dispel them.

“I’ll be fine,” she said. “I just want to go now, I was about to discharge myself.”

She looked at Cameron.

“Thank you for everything, but please say it’s okay for me to leave. You at least know that I will be well looked after.”

She smiled and he responded with another of his shy smiles before going to fetch the necessary paperwork. She sighed as Bernie helped her stand, and a sudden sharp pain in her head made her grimace, reminding her that the injury was not going to go away in a couple of hours. 

Bernie curled her arm around Serena’s waist to offer a little more support, and they slowly walked out of the hospital where Bernie called a taxi over to take them to the station. They didn’t say much on the journey, but Serena made sure that Bernie knew she should feel proud of her son, telling her that he had been very professional, and was obviously well-liked by the medical team there. By the time that they arrived at the station Serena was feeling exhausted, and her legs were decidedly shaky as she made her way along the train to their seats. She missed feeling Bernie’s arm around her, and whereas she had initially wanted to protest about it, there was no doubt that she had found it both helpful and comforting.

As she sat down (Bernie let her take the window seat) she groaned slightly and Bernie looked at her with concern.

“Are you sure you’re okay?” she asked. 

Serena nodded, and once again felt the throb in her head.

“I’m sure, just…tired I suppose. Do you remember what time we’re due in Lviv?”

“Providing we’re on time, I think it’s around 9.00pm. Which means it’s a 5 hour journey I’m afraid.”

Serena closed her eyes and groaned again.

“Look, we don’t have to travel there today if you’re not feeling up to it. We can get off and go and spend tonight in a small hotel and do the journey tomorrow if you’d rather?”

Serena shook her head and discovered that was just as painful as nodding.

“No, no I’ll be fine. As long as I can use you as a pillow so I can have a little sleep.” She rested her head against Bernie’s upper arm and slid her own arm across Bernie’s waist to help keep her balance.

Bernie knew that what she was about to say would not go down well and that Serena would not be happy.    


“I can see that you’re tired, but I would really like you to stay awake for at least another hour. And before you argue with me…think what you would say if someone you asked for _your_ medical opinion.”

Serena couldn’t stop a slight roll of her eyes, but had to admit that if their roles were reversed she would be advising the self same thing

“Okay…as long as after the hour you let me have a nap. And you have to make it your business to keep me awake, so you’d better start talking pretty damn quick.”

Bernie grinned and gave her hand a little squeeze. “Thank you.”

Although Serena had implied that it was Bernie’s responsibility to keep her alert, she was the one that started talking first. She wanted to know more about her two children, and asked if Charlotte looked anything like her, as she didn’t think Cameron resembled her very much.

“Mind you, he does have some of your mannerisms,” she observed.

“Like what?”

“Oh, the way he tilts his head to one side when he’s thinking about something, and definitely the way he stares at the ground when he’s embarrassed.”

Bernie chuckled, enjoying hearing that in spite of the years she had spent apart from her children, she had still been able to be an influence in his life in however seemingly insignificant way. The next 60 minutes passed fairly quickly as they discussed the vagaries of family life, criticised ex-husbands, though to be fair this involved more input from Serena than Bernie, and the many, many differences between working in the NHS as opposed to the RAMC.

Serena’s head had started to drop, and the swaying of the train meant Bernie had to constantly put an arm out to steady her, so she finally agreed that it was okay for her to take a nap. She asked Serena to look at her and with a few grumbles she dragged her eyes up to meet Bernie’s. As Bernie leaned forward to check her pupils Serena suddenly imagined that she was going to kiss her and felt herself moving forwards too, her heart thumping in expectation. As her eyes slid down to Bernie’s lips, she heard a gasp, a hitch in Bernie’s breathing that snapped her eyes back up, and Bernie cleared her throat.

“Well, everything.... seems okay. Get yourself a couple of hours sleep, and then I’ll wake you. You might have a problem settling tonight if I leave you longer than that.”

Bernie could hear the tightness in her voice and she knew if she stretched her hand out it would be trembling.

Serena was glad to close her eyes so that Bernie couldn’t see how foolish she felt. She wanted to put some space between them, but could not stop herself sliding to the side, so that she was resting against Bernie’s shoulder. 

_‘Maybe the bump to my head did me more damage than I thought. How could I mistake an_ _obs_ _check for anything_ _more_ _?_ _And what did I think I was_ _doing?_ _You_ _idiot, idiot,_ _idiot._ _’_

She felt Bernie shift slightly and was about to pull away with an apology ready on her lips, when she felt Bernie’s arm slide across her shoulders to keep her in place. She slowly let go of the breath she had been holding and some of the tension left her body. She mumbled “thank you” and over the next few minutes she descended into a light slumber.

Bernie couldn’t believe that Serena could fall asleep when the body (her body) that she was resting against was shaking so much. It almost felt as if there was an electric current running through her, and she wished she was somewhere she could have asked for a stiff whisky to steady her nerves.

_‘Why on earth did you have to gaze at her for so long before speaking? No wonder she started to move forwards, she’s exhausted and just wanted to sleep. Thank god you managed not to_ _misinterpret her action and_ _kiss_ _her.._ _.._ _be thankful_ _for that at least.’_

Bernie kept still for as long as she could, but when she turned her head to answer an enquiry as to what had happened, the movement caused Serena's head to slide down and forwards and Bernie had to bring her other hand up to steady it. Which resulted in Serena nestling into the crook of her neck, her warm breaths being expelled across Bernie’s sternum, which set her heart racing again. Bernie closed her eyes in frustration, but couldn’t stop an almost reflex action of resting her cheek on top of Serena’s head. Even though her mind was screaming at her, she didn’t have the energy or inclination to push Serena further away.

She woke Serena as she had promised , about two hours later and was relieved to see some colour back in her cheeks. She steeled herself to check her pupils and wasn’t surprised to see they appeared to be reacting entirely normally. She sensed that Serena thought this was all rather unnecessary, but she didn’t care. She needed the reassurance for herself, and having a legitimate reason for staring into those beautiful eyes was too much to resist. 

By the time the whole group arrived at the Hotel Dnister in the centre of Lviv, they were all fairly tired, but most of them made their way to the 24-hour Café & Bar for either a nightcap or something to eat. Serena just wanted to go to her room, but Bernie insisted she join her and have a light snack, knowing full well that she’d not eaten any proper food since breakfast that morning. She ordered them both an omelette and salad, and in spite of Serena moaning about it being ‘a fuss about nothing’, she surprised herself by managing to eat most of it. She was about to appeal to Bernie to allow her a small glass of wine as well, when their tour guide appeared at the table. She explained that the hotel had a twin-bedded room available and were happy to offer this accommodation for them to share for one night, instead of the separate rooms that had been booked.

“I thought that after your accident, it might be preferable to being on your own during the night, just in case you started to feel unwell. And I have to say that myself, and the company, would be happier knowing that you’d have a doctor on hand if that turned out to be the case.”

Bernie felt a rush of relief at those words, having already resigned herself to lying awake half the night worrying otherwise. She nodded her agreement and then turned to see if Serena was also be happy with the suggestion. Serena’s face was studiously blank, her mouth set in a straight line, but she too nodded and their courier hurried away to make the arrangements. After she had gone, Bernie looked at Serena more closely and noticed she was flushed. She reached out to feel if she was too warm, but Serena ducked away, out of reach.

“Please, stop fussing,” she said sharply, and Bernie flinched as she pulled her hand back.

“I’m sorry,” she said quietly, “I’ll go and tell them to leave things as they were.”

She pushed her chair away from the table, her face troubled, thinking that she’d upset her friend, but Serena caught hold of her wrist before she could move very far, sighing as she pulled her back.

“No, it’s me who should be saying sorry. I’m tired, I admit that my head hurts and… it’s been a long day.”

She finally met Bernie’s eyes and tried to soften her features with a small smile.

“It just seems that a big deal is being made of my accident. If I’d merely tripped over my own feet I would have had a similar injury, but as long as I could get up again no-one would have given it a second thought. I’m……embarrassed by the fuss if I’m honest.”

Bernie sank back down into her seat. She could see Serena’s point of view, but she knows she wouldn’t have been any less concerned.

“I do understand, and I’m sorry if I’ve been a bit overbearing. When Cam rang me, I admit I did panic slightly, and I’m ashamed to say I didn’t trust his judgement. And…. I was also concerned or worried at how you were coping, having to deal with an accident with a bad head injury. The…. memories it might have brought back.”

Serena felt a lump come into her throat with the realisation that Bernie had merely been trying to look out for her, trying in the best way to protect her. She swallowed with difficulty and pushed herself upright.

“Come on then, I know I need my bed and I’m sure that you need to get some rest too. And I promise to try and not bite your head off if you ask me how I am in the morning.” 

As she moved past her she paused to put her hand on Bernie’s arm. 

“Thank you…. for caring, I never meant to be so ungrateful. I think you are a much kinder person than me.” 

Bernie followed after her and collected the keys to their room from reception. When she opened the door, they both gasped at the sight of a proper hotel suite, with a bedroom leading off from a luxurious sitting area. There was a small posy of flowers on the coffee table, alongside a bottle of wine and two glasses.

“Good grief,” exclaimed Serena, “have they given us the honeymoon suite by mistake?”

Bernie gave her short distinctive laugh.

“Not with twin beds, I don’t think so.” She composed herself quickly and added, “the sofa in here is quite large, I could easily sleep on that if you’d rather have some space, some time alone tonight?”

“That won’t be necessary, I promise you. I’m done acting like a prima donna for now. But if you don’t mind my commandeering the en-suite for a bit longer, I think I’d like a hot bath to try and ease a few aching muscles.”

Bernie offered to run the bath for her while she used the loo and got changed for bed, and Serena used the opportunity to undress in the bedroom and wrap herself in one of the hotels fluffy dressing gowns so that she could just take her nightwear into the en-suite to put on after she had taken a good long soak. She sank happily into a sweet-smelling bath, full of bubbles, trying to remember the last time she had felt so pampered. She thought she might have fallen asleep in there if she hadn’t been startled by the ringing of her phone. She looked around and saw it lying on the small table between the bath and the washbasin. Except, she realised as she picked it up, it wasn’t her phone. She was just about to call Bernie, when she came hurtling in looking round wildly trying to locate it.

“Bernie, it’s here, I’ve got it.”

Bernie smiled and took it from her, saying _‘hello Cam..’_ as she did, but then she stilled in the act of smiling down at Serena who in the same moment became aware that a lot of the bubbles had now disappeared, and although she was still submerged, a lot more of her body was visible, given how close to the bath Bernie was standing.

Bernie blushed profusely, muttered ‘ _thank you’_ and fled back into the bedroom. Serena too had gone red, and she clambered out of the bath as soon as Bernie disappeared, hurriedly patting herself dry before donning her nightgown, hoping to sneak into bed while Bernie was still occupied talking to her son. She just about achieved her aim, pulling the cover over herself as she heard Bernie saying goodnight. There was an awkward silence until Bernie asked if she should turn off the wall lights over their beds. After getting Serena’s agreement she lay down too, both of them staring into the darkness.

“I.. erm.. I’m sorry for dashing in without knocking. I’d forgotten I’d told Cameron I would let him know how you were, and I think he was getting a bit worried.”

Serena tried to sound nonchalant.

“It’s fine, honestly…. we are adults after all.”

“Hmm,” hummed Bernie, “well, I hope you can sleep. Just give me a shout if you need any painkillers… or anything.”

“Will do,” said Serena.

They both lay awake longer than they’d planned however, both well aware that the encounter felt so much more uncomfortable that it should have, because they both had felt a frisson of excitement as Bernie had gazed at Serena’s curves. What they were still totally oblivious to, was that they had each felt the same thrill of desire.


	6. Day 8 - Lviv

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A whole day to themselves, and Bernie takes charge of the sightseeing. To save her blushes she does wish that she had learnt a little more Russian the last time she visited the Ukraine. But they do seem to be getting closer.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Once again, many thanks to everyone who leaves kudos and comments. I love reading them, and at the risk of repeating myself, it does make so much difference to my mood.  
> And sneak preview....I finally think they're getting somewhere.

Chapter 6 : Day 8 – Lviv

 

 

Given the events of the previous day, Bernie and Serena were surprised to find that they both relaxed enough to sleep. Bernie was the first to wake, and she rolled over to look at Serena who was still deep in slumber. Her stomach tightened and her face softened as she gazed at the woman who had come to mean so much to her in such a short time. She had known very soon after their first meeting that she found her physically attractive, but as the days had passed, and they had shared their stories, she had grown to appreciate and like the woman within. Her breathing quickened as she recalled the panic she had felt when Cam had phoned her about the accident, barely listening to his assurances that he thought there was nothing much to be worried about. She remembered too, with some embarrassment, how she had harangued their tour guide to cut short the visit to Chernobyl by about an hour, and had nearly cried with relief when no one had protested at her decision. She was sure however, that most of the tour group found their sudden friendship quite puzzling, probably believing it was more than it was. She didn’t really understand it herself. How could she feel closer and more connected to Serena in just six days, than to most of her colleagues at St James’s in the space of six months.

‘ _The answer is obvious, I’ve not made any real friends there because I threw myself into the work, and kept my head down, making no attempt to socialise. I couldn’t imagine anyone there wanting to get to know the woman who cheated on one of their own anyway’_

She sighed, screwing her eyes tight shut, remembering the rush of attraction she had felt last night when she had inadvertently seen Serena in the bath. The slope of her….no, no! She shook her head to try and rid herself of the image before she opened her eyes again. She could and would bury these feelings, as she had done many times before this. Desire was something she could push down and away, of that she was positive, she wasn’t a teenager governed by raging hormones or an out of control libido. Although to be fair, her hormones were a bit haywire these days. There was just another week to go and then they’d both be heading home, and she’d leave it up to Serena to decide if she wanted to keep in touch. If she didn’t, fine, she would plan to leave Holby and maybe head abroad again working in some of the more challenging places around the world. If Serena still seemed interested in staying friends she could go to Plan B, if she had one. But for the present she’d devote her time to hopefully helping Serena heal just a little, able to see that she could still enjoy her life, without trying to forget what had happened.

She decided to surprise her by ordering their breakfast to be delivered to their suite, and she slipped quietly out of bed heading for the lounge, to do just that.

 

Serena roused up slowly, from what she felt had been a deep and dreamless sleep, the welcome aroma of coffee assailing her nostrils. She couldn’t help but smile as she opened her eyes to focus on Bernie, now dressed, standing in the doorway to the bedroom holding a mug of coffee, that she sincerely hoped was for her. She pushed herself upright, keeping the duvet that was covering her, tightly tucked under her armpits recalling with a slight blush, the bathroom incident of the previous night.

“That had better be _my_ coffee you’re holding, so be a dear and bring it to me.”

Bernie strolled over and placed it in Serena’s outstretched hands. She watched with amusement as Serena closed her eyes and took a long drink, sighing with pleasure.

“So, how’s the invalid feeling this morning?” Bernie asked lightly.

Serena put her hand up to her temple, touching it carefully.

“Hmmm. Still sore, but not throbbing every time I move my head as it did yesterday, thank goodness. What time is it?”

Bernie sat on the side of her own bed before answering.

“It’s 8.30am, but as there are no arranged tours today you don’t have to rush to get up and dressed. Spend the morning in bed if you feel like it.”

Serena raised her eyebrows, as if she was questioning Bernie's sanity.

“I did not travel all this way to come on a very expensive holiday, to then spend a day lying in bed. That’s something I could have done at home. And also, I’m starving, and they stop serving breakfast at 9.15, so I need to get up…now!”

Bernie put out her hand to press Serena back against the pillows, earning her a typical Serena Campbell glare.

“No, you don’t. At least not immediately. All you _need_ to do is drink your coffee, go to the bathroom and freshen up, and then wrap yourself in one of their fluffy bathrobes and come through to our delightful sitting room. They’re delivering breakfast to our door in about 15 minutes.”

Bernie pushed herself up from the bed and walked out of the bedroom with a backwards glance over her shoulder, wearing a smirk on her face, delighting in the astonished look that Serena was giving her.

 

She had just opened the door to allow one of the porters into their room with their breakfast trolley, as Serena walked in from the bedroom to sit down on the sofa, looking very happy. Bernie tipped the young lady and wheeled the trolley over to Serena, and then moved the large coffee table closer so that she could put an array of dishes out from which they could make their selection. She pulled a face as she did, looking a little concerned.

“I think I might have over estimated how much we can eat,” she said apologetically. “I wanted to give you a good choice after you ate virtually nothing yesterday, but even so….” her voice faded as she saw Serena looking at the selection with awe and amazement.

“Good grief Bernie, I know I have a healthy appetite but there are scrambled eggs, what looks like a ton of toast, tomatoes, mushrooms, poached eggs, sausage, croissants, pain au chocolat, pain aux raisins, jam, marmalade, and is that marmite?” Serena shuddered at that. “Not to mention two choices of fruit juice, a pot of tea and a cafetière of coffee….are you anticipating a siege?”

And then Serena started to giggle. After a few seconds of being seriously worried that she’d annoyed or upset Serena, Bernie saw the funny side too and joined in with the peals of laughter emanating from her friend. She sank down next to her on the sofa, both of them gasping for breath.

“I feel like Hansel or Gretel, and you’re the wicked witch planning to fatten me up to have your evil way and eat me later for your supper.” And Serena started to giggle all over again. Her words had an entirely different effect on Bernie who read a very different meaning into them, and she felt herself go red as her snorts of laughter ceased. She took a deep breath and said in a voice that was a lot calmer than how she felt,

“Well, um, in that case we’d better make a start, if we don’t want to be still sitting here this evening.”

Serena reached for a serviette to dry her eyes, and they both tucked in.

 

An hour and a half later they had to admit defeat, and Serena had been seriously impressed with the amount that Bernie had managed to pack into that slight frame. There was however, still a ridiculous amount of food left. Bernie lay back on the sofa and groaned.

“I feel so bad about wasting this, but if I try to eat anything else I won’t be able to move for the rest of the day. I'm sure I’ve eaten a lot more than you, are you positive you couldn’t manage just another slice of toast?”

Serena swatted Bernie’s arm.

“I have plenty layers of blubber about my person as it is. If I add anymore I would be able to waddle around the North Pole naked, and not feel cold.”

Bernie closed her eyes momentarily, and the image of Serena, naked, seared itself onto the inside of her eyelids. She slapped her hands onto her thighs and pushed herself upright.

“In that case, I suggest you go and get dressed so that we can go for a nice long walk to help burn off some of the calories. But be careful if you take a shower, don’t wash your hair, you won’t want to get your stitches wet for at least another 24 hours.”

Serena looked at her in exasperation.

“Aren’t you forgetting that I’m every bit as qualified a doctor as you Ms Wolfe? Stop trying to teach your grandmother to suck eggs.”

In spite of her words she smiled at Bernie, holding out her hands towards her.

“So if you want to get moving you’d better give me a hand up. It would be far too inelegant for me to roll off onto the floor, which I believe is the only other way I’m going to get off this sofa. And once down there I'm not sure I could make it back onto my feet”

Bernie reached out and grabbed Serena’s hands and pulled her, a lot more forcibly than she intended. The speed with which Serena rose up caused Bernie to take a step back, at first still holding on to her, but she let go as soon as she realised that she was in danger of losing her balance. Serena felt as if she had been catapulted upright, and as Bernie loosed hold of her, she flung her arms around her neck, needing to hold onto something, or in this case, someone. The next moment as Bernie recovered her equilibrium, her hands returned to grip Serena’s waist in the hope of steadying them both. Serena turned her head to avoid more damage and it came to rest against Bernie’s chest. At the same time her arms slid down Bernie’s body to _her_ waist pulling them close together in a sort of hug. The room was silent, apart from their ragged breathing, and as that slowed, Serena felt as if she could stay there, in that moment, forever. She took a shaky breath and as she spoke, her words vibrated against Bernie’s collarbone sending chills down her spine.

“Thank you,” she murmured, and Bernie knew that she meant more than saving her from another fall.

“What…what for?” Bernie asked, her voice sounding high and strained to her ears.

“For looking out for me, taking care of me….. for showing me it’s okay to still laugh... have fun.”

Serena’s voice choked a little on the last few words.

“You’re welcome,” said Bernie quietly, “happy to be of service.”

Serena pulled her head back so that she could see Bernie’s face, loving the sensation of her arms still wrapped around her. She moved forward and placed a soft kiss on her cheek, and Bernie could feel the smile on her lips as she did. They gazed into each others eyes for a second before Bernie finally started to move them apart, her hands now on Serena’s shoulders.

“Right soldier, you need to get dressed…pronto, while I work out some sort of itinerary for the day,” and she turned Serena round and pushed her in the direction of the bedroom.

“Aye, aye Major,” responded Serena, her eyes twinkling. As she walked away, Bernie allowed herself to look at her retreating figure and she was almost certain that Serena was deliberately swaying her hips as she moved. Once she had closed the door behind her Bernie sank down onto a chair, her legs definitely trembling, trying to regulate her breathing.

Was it possible that Serena was experiencing a similar attraction to herself? She had _kissed her_ , however chaste or innocent it had been. (It hadn’t felt chaste to Bernie.) She reflected that Serena had made no attempt to pull away from their embrace, regardless of how accidentally it had started. The shower started up and the sound prompted her into action. She had a job to do, to come up with a plan for the day before Serena came back to find her staring dreamily into space. By the time Serena did return about 15 minutes later, Bernie was just finishing jotting down some notes from her phone, which she placed on top of the street guide provided by the hotel.

“Well,” said Serena, “did I give you enough time to plan our programme for the day?”

“Er..yes, I think so. I’ve probably included too much but we can spread it over tomorrow as well if we run out of time today, or you get too tired. I took a leaf out of your book and checked out TripAdvisor to see what they were…..advising.” She shook her head ruefully at her choice of words and Serena laughed.

“So you _can_ teach an old dog new tricks then?” She nudged Bernie with her elbow. “Come on, where are we headed first?”

Bernie took the lead and they set off in the direction of the older part of Lviv, to the Armenian quarter, and more specifically, Armenian Street. Serena loved it. It had a cobbled road and quite a bohemian air, with art galleries, shops and coffee houses galore, whose tables and chairs spilled out from dark, cool interiors onto the streets. And of course the Armenian Cathedral, which had the most ornate interior that Bernie thought she had ever seen. Serena relished a lightness of being that she hadn’t experienced in far too long, and as she stole a look at Bernie she could admit to herself that it had everything to do with the company and very little to do with their surroundings, however beautiful they were. Walking next to Bernie was proving to be her favourite pastime, so they occasionally bumped shoulders, and the temptation to keep in close proximity proved too much, so she took every opportunity to pull her in different directions as she spotted something she wanted to look at. She made sure that she only let go of her once their bodies were touching, and was delighted that Bernie often stayed near to her of her own accord. Her mind was still wondering how she had managed to not kiss Bernie’s lips that morning, only deterred by the mild look of panic she thought she had detected on Bernie's face. She was beginning to believe that by the end of the day she would make sure that Bernie understood how attracted to her she was, and was mentally crossing her fingers that it wouldn’t send her running for the hills.

Next on Bernie’s schedule was the Beer Cultural Experience Centre Or ‘Lvivarnya’, and this was the one activity that she couldn’t put off until the next day, as she’d had to book their places on the tour and the tasting session. Not exactly Serena’s choice of alcoholic beverage, but she was always ready to be educated, and the museum itself was fascinating with amazing décor. Serena was pleasantly surprised at how much she enjoyed the taster course and managed a sneak purchase of the two that Bernie had particularly enjoyed, slipping them into a bag containing a couple of scarves that she had bought earlier.

It was now early afternoon, and although neither of them were exactly hungry, they decided a coffee break was definitely on the cards. Finding one with outside seating, Serena watched with mounting mirth at the sight of Bernie trying to surreptitiously sneak two of the croissants they had left at breakfast, out of her backpack. She looked vaguely hurt at Serena’s barely controlled sniggers.

“What? It seemed stupid to send it all back to be thrown away, and as the next thing I have planned involves a lot more energy, I thought our blood sugar levels might benefit from some carbohydrates.”

She pouted a little at Serena shaking her head in disbelief.

“You constantly surprise me Ms Wolfe. But like yourself I hate waste….although the best way of avoiding that is not to order so much in the first place.”

She reached across the table and grasped Bernie’s hand squeezing it gently, hoping she would understand she was only teasing. Bernie nodded and smiled, unable to stop herself blushing with the warm feeling she got from Serena’s hand covering her own, and Serena thought she had never seen anything quite so adorable.

Bernie would have loved to continue to hold hands as they got up from the table, but not sure if Serena would be comfortable with that, and aware that there wasn’t a great deal of tolerance towards same sex couples here, and even if that wasn’t what they were, she reluctantly pulled her hand away. Serena felt disappointed, wrongly supposing that Bernie didn’t want to hold her hand.

 

After checking that Serena wasn’t too tired and that her head wasn’t aching, they headed towards Castle Hill, the highest point around, which afforded a 360 degree panoramic view of this beautiful city. She hoped that Serena would not be disappointed to find that virtually nothing remained of the 14th century castle that once stood there, and that at the top the only thing to discover was a seat and a large Ukrainian flag, flapping in the breeze. She shouldn’t have worried. It had taken them a little longer than expected, as she kept insisting that Serena took regular rests along the way, but at the summit, the spectacular vista more than made up for it. There was enough space left on the seat for them both to sit down, and they certainly enjoyed the enforced closeness to the other. As the sun was beginning it’s downward journey, Serena lay her head on Bernie’s shoulder.

“Well, I think we’ve done a pretty good job of burning off those calories, and we’ve still got the return journey to make. So I’m hoping that you have planned an evening meal somewhere, I’m beginning to feel a tiny bit peckish.”

Bernie nodded, but didn’t say anything immediately as she was too busy fighting the urge to put her arm around Serena’s shoulders. A few seconds later someone else on the seat stood up and moved off, so she took the opportunity to ease herself away. Serena’s heart sank a little more at the movement, trying to gauge whether she was embarrassed about public displays of affection or if she was uncomfortable with being close to her. She gave a sigh as she straightened herself up, making the gap between them even larger.

“Are you okay?” Bernie asked anxiously, thinking that she’d pushed her too hard, made her do too much. Not actually waiting for an answer she hastened to tell her what she had planned.

“I do have a café in mind where they serve alcohol and food, I think…the website was all in Russian. But if you’re too tired we can just go back and eat at the hotel.”

Serena gave a small smile.

“Ah, you know me so well. It’s very rare that I would say no to food _and_ alcohol, so lead on.”

 

Although getting down the hill wasn’t as taxing as going up, Bernie decided to call Uber to arrange a cab to take them to the café. In spite of Serena’s assurances that she was fine, her eyes looked tired and she was refusing to take any more painkillers. Bernie had made the mistake of telling her that she believed the Masoch café sold killer cocktails and Serena was very keen to try at least a couple, but knowing that mixing alcohol and prescription painkillers could at the very least make her incredibly sleepy she decided to ‘grin and bear it’.

When the taxi driver dropped them off outside the chosen establishment he had a huge grin on his face and pointing to the statue that stood in front of it, he told them, in halting English to make sure they put their hands into the pocket of the bronze figure on their way out.

Bernie shrugged her shoulders at Serena, looking puzzled but not concerned as she ushered her inside. As their eyes adjusted to the sombre lighting, Serena felt her lips curve into a smile as she suspected there might be more on the menu here, than food and alcohol. Bernie’s eyes were nearly on stalks as she looked around her. The place seemed moderately busy, and there was a range of people dotted around at the tables, couples, groups of friends, even one or two that seemed to be on their own or waiting for someone. But what really caught her eye were the padded seats, a bit like chaise longues, that had chains and handcuffs attached to them. And around the walls she could see plaster casts of naked male and female torsos, along with a range of whips and leather chokers. She was rooted to the spot, so Serena pushed her in the direction of a table, and they sat down. Serena could not resist in teasing her.

“So... what _exactly_ did you have in mind for us this evening Bernie? Which one of us is to be the dominatrix? I’m not sure which role I would enjoy more.”

Bernie went bright red and started to splutter in her haste to explain.

“Honestly Serena I had no idea that it was like this..I told you the whole thing was in Russian, and the couple of reviews that I managed to read talked about the cocktails and how it was a bit different to your normal venue. I’m sorry, let’s just go and find somewhere else, I never meant to embarrass you.”

Serena grinned and her eyes sparkled.

“Who said _I_ was embarrassed, I think that honour goes entirely to you.”

Bernie shifted uncomfortably in her seat, unwilling to meet Serena’s eyes. It wasn’t as if she hadn’t experienced a lot of ribald behaviour when serving in the armed forces, most soldiers were not shy retiring individuals. And if she were here with them, she would be as ready for a laugh as anyone... but with Serena, it felt very different. Due in part to the strong attraction she had for her, coupled with how short a time they had known each other.

Sensing her discomfort, Serena decided to stop poking fun for the time being and her tone softened.

“Look, it could be a bit of a laugh, so let’s just order a drink and see what happens, if anything. Anything that we’re not happy, well... we can just drink up and move on. Agreed?”

Bernie reluctantly conceded her point and calling a waitress over they ordered two cocktails, without either of them knowing what it contained, but were chosen solely because Serena had liked the colours in the photograph on the menu. And as it turned out they didn’t have to wait very long before they could observe just what went on in this rather unusual bar. A group of four young people had gestured to a waitress and after a brief discussion they handed over some money before pointing to one of the young men in the group. The waitress led him to a small chair and ordered him to strip to the waist, making Serena’s eyes widen slightly and her mouth curl into a smile as she appreciated the well defined six-pack he was sporting. Seeing Serena’s obvious pleasure at the sight of a good male physique caused Bernie’s mood to plummet even more.

‘ _What on earth made you think she would seriously be interested in you? Look at her, she’s positively drooling. Heterosexual to the core...'  
_

The young man had his arms pulled behind him so his wrists could be handcuffed together, and a blindfold was placed over his eyes. His companions had broad grins on their faces as he was ordered to tip his head back and open his mouth, so that two different liquors could be poured in. When the waitress was satisfied that there was enough alcohol in there, he was told to close his mouth again and the she gripped either side of his head and shook it quite violently, until she was satisfied that the cocktail was mixed, and then he was allowed to swallow it.

To Bernie’s discomfort and Serena’s fascination, she next picked up one of the already lit candles off their table and proceeded to drip hot wax all over his upper torso and they could both see him flinching even though no sound escaped from his mouth. Serena grabbed Bernie’s knee under the table making her jump, as she anticipated what was going to happen next. The young man had the handcuffs removed and he was told to turn around so he was facing the back of the chair and made to lean forwards, meaning if he raised his head he would be staring straight into the eyes of Serena and Bernie. They watched, with their eyes widening, as the waitress picked up a leather strap with a wooden handle that she trailed all over his upper body. She brought it up to his lips for him to kiss and then whispered something into his ear. He nodded, a smile on his face as she moved behind him and scarcely pausing between blows, struck him 7 times across his back. As the first one hit Serena’s hand dug into Bernie’s leg, making her eyes water, and with each subsequent blow her fingers squeezed in time. All of the café was counting along as each blow fell, and when it ended everyone applauded as the young man stood up and removed his blindfold, thanking the waitress, and making a mock bow to all the other patrons.

Bernie and Serena had just sat there staring for most of the ‘performance,’ although Serena had certainly been more engaged and she could feel a bubble of laughter building up in her chest as she looked at Bernie’s embarrassed and slightly worried expression. She relinquished her grip on Bernie’s knee and patted her thigh.

“Well, I can honestly say I was not expecting that,” she said with a grin, “did it do anything for you?”

Bernie’s eyes came back into focus as Serena spoke, and she shook her head.

“No, I can’t say it did. You, however….. you seemed quite interested in the proceedings, or rather in the young man.”

Bernie spoke in an offhand manner, but there seemed to be a slightly bitter tone to her voice. Serena looked at her, puzzled, but just shrugged her shoulders.

“Never let it be said that I can’t appreciate a toned body,” and her eyes slid briefly up and down Bernie, before continuing, “of either sex. And although I’m not really into the whole pain thing I think I’ve always had a bit of a kink about being dominated.”

Bernie turned her head to look at her, her eyes wide open in surprise, and Serena became a bit defensive.

“What? I admit I’ve usually taken the…..initiative, in the….bedroom, but it doesn’t stop me having my little fantasies.”

Serena suddenly felt herself go hot under Bernie’s stare and she dropped her eyes to look at the table as she picked up her drink to empty the glass.

“So, what do you say, one more of these delicious cocktails and then head back to the hotel?”

“I’m not sure, I wouldn’t want to be their next bit of entertainment.” Bernie drained her glass too. “This was rather nice though..”

“Don’t worry, it’s obviously something pre-arranged, or you pay for the privilege. I’m pretty sure neither of us will be dragged out of our seats.”

Bernie scoffed. “I’d like to see them try.. I do know 13 ways to kill someone, with my bare hands.”

This was said so seriously that Serena wanted to laugh, but suspecting it was true, and that if she did laugh she would hurt Bernie’s feelings, she merely nodded.

“So come on, just _one_ more? You never know, we might be lucky enough to see what they do with a woman volunteer.”

Bernie’s head snapped up and her mouth opened in astonishment.

“I’m beginning to think that blow to your head has done more damage than I thought. I’m certainly seeing a different side to you tonight.”

Serena grinned. “I’m just teasing, I’m sorry if I’ve made you uncomfortable. I promise to stop..…if we can have one more.”

And seeing Bernie’s face relax and start to smile, she called over a waitress and placed their order.

So they did just have one more, and Bernie was glad it wasn’t more than one as when they stood up to leave, both of them felt a little woozy, and Serena’s legs were definitely wobbly. They still decided to walk back to the hotel however, hoping that the fresh air might sober them up slightly. Before setting off Serena made sure to slip her hand inside the pocket of the bronze statue, and laughed out loud as she did, but refused to tell Bernie what she found there. Bernie declined to take part, although she pretty much guessed, as she’d finally found out who the figure was, and the reason for the rather strange goings on inside the café. The figure was the author of the Victorian erotic novel ‘Venus in Furs’, an Austrian gentleman called Leopold von Sacher-Masoch. His book, a bestseller at the time, told the story of a nobleman who wished to be enslaved to a woman who wore furs and very little else, and gave rise to the term masochist, which explained the entertainment that they had witnessed.

Arriving back at the hotel they went straight to the restaurant, and whilst waiting for their food Bernie went up and bought, somewhat reluctantly a glass of Shiraz for Serena, and single malt whisky for herself.

Serena pouted when she saw her glass.

“I thought you might bring a bottle,” she complained. “This won’t last me half-way through the meal.”

Bernie looked at her raising her eyebrows in mock disbelief.

“Ms Campbell, may I remind you you’ve already had two very potent cocktails, and that is a large wine glass full to the brim with your favourite red. As your doctor, you are very lucky I’m allowing you any more alcohol at all. If you need liquid with your food, I suggest you stick to water.”

Serena huffed, but said no more as she knew that Bernie was right and she was already a little ‘squiffy.’

Their meals arrived shortly afterwards and conversation halted for a while as they both realised they were quite hungry. Serena was keen to try some of Bernie’s locally sourced sausages, and as she watched Serena take a mouthful from her fork, Bernie’s stomach flipped watching Serena licking her lips and moaning in pleasure at the taste. Their easy conversation soon resumed after the meal was over, and declining any dessert they decided to head for their room. Twice on the way to the lifts Serena stumbled and both times Bernie steadied her before she completely lost her balance, although she too was weaving a little from side to side. As they entered the lift, Serena leant heavily against Bernie, sniggering like a schoolgirl.

“I think you were right not to get a bottle,” she observed. “I think you would have had to carry me.”

Bernie couldn’t stop a groan from escaping her lips as she thought of having Serena’s arms around her neck as she scooped her into her arms. Serena misunderstood and tried (but failed) to swipe at Bernie’s arm in protest.

“Oi, was that a comment about my weight?” she asked indignantly. “I’ll have you know I’m not _that_ heavy, I just have….”

It was Bernie’s turn to start to laugh.

“Please don’t tell me you’re going to say you have big bones,” she chuckled.

“Of course not!” said Serena, “I was going to say _‘curves’.”_

The lift came to a halt at their floor, and Bernie said without thinking, “Oh, you definitely do have curves.”

As soon as it was out of her mouth she flushed bright red and stumbled down the corridor to their room, not daring to look back in case Serena would see how the thought of her body had excited her. She was still fumbling, trying to get the card to swipe for the door to open, when she felt Serena’s breath on her neck.

“Having a little problem?” Serena asked, and closing her hand over Bernie’s, she managed to guide her hand to get the door open. Once inside Bernie threw her bag down and bolted for the bathroom. She stood inside her hands on the basin, her head bent over trying to calm her breathing.

‘ _If only I hadn’t had that whisky, or those cocktails or, or, if only I didn’t find her so goddam attractive. Just breathe.... in, out... you can get past this.’_

She splashed some cold water on her face and sat on the top of the toilet seat, knowing that before too long she would have to go out there and keep things under control, trying to convince herself that Serena was probably oblivious to how she was feeling.

And in a certain way she was right. Serena knew that something had shifted between them but she couldn’t get her head around the fact that one minute Bernie was looking at her as if she was the crock of gold at the end of the rainbow, and the next she was closing everything down, acting as if the last place she wanted to be was anywhere near her. She wasn’t even sure of what she felt herself, but she did know that if she lost Bernie now then she would wish that she’d never set eyes on her in the first place. She didn’t think she could cope with the feeling of emptiness it would bring. She braced herself as she heard the door to the en-suite open and Bernie came through to the sitting area.

“I.. um.. I’m sorry about that, I felt a bit queasy, thought I’d better get to the loo, just in case.” Serena tutted sympathetically.

“Maybe you were right about the cocktails. Are you okay? I mean we’re you…?”

“Oh no, no, I haven’t been sick. I’m sure with a good night’s sleep, I’ll be fine. I’ve already had a wash, so if you want to use the bathroom to change I’ll get ready out here.”

Serena nodded and went into the bedroom to sort out her nightwear, while Bernie waited until she heard the door to the bathroom close, and she dashed in to throw her clothes off and pull on her usual t-shirt and shorts, so that she could dive into bed and be covered up before Serena came out. She wondered if she could get away with pretending to be asleep, but decided that was too juvenile, even for her, so she picked up her phone to send a quick message to Cameron, informing him that Serena seemed to be doing fine, and thanked him once again for taking such good care of her. She was just finishing it when Serena came into the room and sat down on her bed with a sigh.

Bernie glanced at her and could see that her eyes looked quite red and slightly puffy, as if she’d been crying. Immediately Bernie forgot all about being awkward and sat up, swinging her legs out of bed to sit facing her, as she reached across the gap between the beds and took both of her hands into her own.

“What’s wrong? Is your head hurting? Or… is it something else…some memory that’s suddenly hit home?” Bernie didn’t say Elinor’s name in case it upset Serena even more. But to her surprise Serena shook her head to both questions. She sighed again, trying to find the courage to say what she felt she had to say, regardless of the risk.

“Bernie, I need to know….do...do you like me…at all?”

Bernie dropped Serena’s hands as she felt herself go hot and then cold, and she could hear the blood pounding in her ears. When she tried to speak her voice sounded weak and far away.

“Of..of course I do. I’ve been really happy that we’ve met. How…how could you think that I _don’t_ like you?”

“Oh, I don’t know…perhaps because one minute we seem to be good friends, enjoying ourselves, having a laugh or sharing memories…and then the next minute a wall comes up around you and I have no idea what I’ve said or done to upset you. Just when I think that we’re becoming close, you step back…… and it hurts.”

Bernie could think of nothing to say that wouldn’t sound pathetic, as if she was just making excuses which she suspected Serena would see through straight away. She closed her eyes and held her arms out with the palms facing upwards and gave a small shrug.

“I’m sorry, I’m really sorry. I wish I could explain but…..”

She pushed herself up from the bed and started to pace, her hands twisting round and round. Serena watched her for a few moments, hating to see her so conflicted, knowing that she was the cause.

“Look, I’m sorry if this is upsetting. I asked you if you liked me because….because I like you…oh, god no, I think I _more_ than like you, and I need to know whether I’m just being stupid or if there’s a chance this could be....”

Bernie stopped still as Serena spoke, her brain barely registering what she was saying. She was dimly aware that Serena was moving towards her and she felt herself being spun around to face her, heard the words “sod it” and then Serena’s lips were pressing against hers, as soft and sweet as she had imagined. She reached forward to pull Serena closer, whimpering as her arms enfolded around her and she lost herself as the kiss deepened, blotting out everything else.

 

 


	7. Lviv to Chisinau

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bernie and Serena struggle with the change in their relationship and it makes them realise that they still have a lot to learn about each other. As the end of the holiday looms, what does the future have in store?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've indicated that this might be the penultimate chapter, but to be honest I'm not sure. Which is an obvious way of saying that I currently have no idea how this will end. Let me know if you want it to continue when they're back in Holby.

Chapter 7

 

 

Serena had taken every scrap of courage she had to move forwards and kiss Bernie. It seemed as if the moment only lasted a split second, yet, as they moved apart she was gasping for breath. But she couldn’t stop the delighted grin, which in no way matched the mumbled “Sorry” that came out of her mouth.

Bernie tried to work out what she meant by that. Did she regret it? But then she looked at the openness in her face, the smile that was blinding, and she relaxed enough to respond honestly.

“Nothing at all to be sorry for.. as far as I’m concerned. I’ve….I’ve wanted to kiss you for the past two or three days if I’m honest.”

“Really?”

“Really.” Bernie couldn’t help her eyes travelling down to focus on Serena’s warm, pliant lips as she pulled her closer to kiss her again. This time it was Serena who moaned softly as their mouths collided with more urgency, bringing her hands up to tangle in Bernie’s hair, pressing firmly to hold her in place. When they once again parted they were both struggling for air, and Serena fell against Bernie, hearing the thudding of her heart which matched her own.

“I need to sit, before I fall,” she managed to gasp, and Bernie manoeuvred her round, so they both sank down to sit on a bed, unable to hold in a ‘huff’ as she did. Their eyes flicked up to meet for a moment and Serena could feel a bubble of laughter building in her chest, born of the relief that Bernie hadn’t rejected her advance. Bernie in turn felt herself flush, as the want she felt towards this woman threatened to consume her. Instinctively they turned their heads away from each others gaze trying to maintain some semblance of control, remaining both close and yet distinctly apart. There were a few moments of awkward silence, until Bernie, her eyes still averted, cleared her throat.

 

“Erm….so, what.. um, where do we…oh god, I know but I can’t….what, what now?”

She felt utterly foolish but hadn’t anticipated the snort of laughter that came from Serena.

“I’m, sorry, sorry, it’s just.. your attempt to speak is exactly what…what’s going on in _my_ brain. It feels like something’s… short-circuited.”

She reached across the small gap between them to take hold of Bernie’s hand.

“If..if we’d been out, perhaps on a …date, and we’d kissed as we said goodnight, like that…maybe we would have gone our separate ways in the hope, that there would be a second date..before too long.”

Bernie’s breathing hitched as she stroked her thumb along Serena’s hand, as she tried to understand what it was that Serena was saying.

“Whereas, here we are,” she tentatively said, “sitting on a bed, _ready_ for bed,” her voice broke slightly as desire flared up in the pit of her stomach. “And because of that I’m almost… scared to kiss you again. However much I _want_ to.”

Serena nodded.

“Exactly,” she said wistfully. “I’m scared too… because as much as I want you to kiss me, again… I think I know I’m not ready, for more than that... right now.”

But even as she said those words she felt a need, building deep inside her and she closed her eyes, taking a calming breath, trying to force it down.

Bernie closed her eyes too , her jaw clenching as she digested Serena’s words. She fought the panic inside her that was telling her that Serena didn’t actually want this, that she was confused and coming to terms with the loss of her daughter and needed comfort, solace, from whoever was prepared to offer it. That she didn’t feel towards Bernie, the way Bernie felt about her. All her insecurities about herself were bubbling under the surface of her mind.

Serena had already picked up on the tension that was running through Bernie’s body, and she hastened to try and calm her, not sure if she could.

“This, this is hard for me to take in. I’ve never been more than friends with a woman before, and frankly? I’m terrified of what this could mean..for me, for both of us.”

Chancing a glance in Bernie’s direction, her heart sank as she saw her head drop a little more.

“I don’t mean that I don’t _want_ this….that I don’t want _you..._ I haven’t felt this alive and hopeful since…. well, you know.”

Bernie sighed, and she couldn’t stop the next question that came unbidden, and even though she was dreading the answer she knew she had to ask it.

“If….if I were a man, would you have had a different reaction…to where this might have led tonight?”

Serena paused for what seemed a huge amount of time to Bernie, as she considered her answer, recognising that she had raised a very valid point. When she turned to look at Bernie again, she felt a small smile pull at the corners of her mouth.

“You know, I don’t think it would. Because if a man had shown me as much kindness and consideration as you have, I wouldn’t want to risk moving too fast for the sake of…a single night of sexual gratification, however good I might believe it would be.”

And suddenly a bubble of laughter exploded from her mouth, causing Bernie to jump in alarm. Seeing her startle, Serena stroked her arm to try and soothe her.

“Sorry, I’m just so happy to know that my response this evening has nothing to do with you being a woman, and everything to do with not wanting to…..spoil or rush what we _could_ be.”

As Serena’s words penetrated the thick fog that had wrapped itself around Bernie’s brain, she felt herself relax, and finally allowed herself to look at her.

“That gives me more hope than I could have wished for, and ……." the longing to hold Serena again started to build and her determination to give them space started to weaken. "I just _have_ to…”

They gravitated towards each other as Bernie kissed Serena again, more firmly than before. She ran the tip of her tongue tentatively along Serena’s lips, and her heart soared as she felt them open granting her access. Her first taste of Serena made her groan, and the ache between her legs intensified as she slowly lowered her backwards onto the bed. She felt Serena’s arms curl tightly around her, forcing their bodies together. Serena was grabbing at her clothing as if clinging to a life belt, and Bernie’s nightshirt started to ride up with the friction that was being generated by their bodies. It was only when her hand made contact with Bernie’s naked skin that they both jumped, their eyes shooting open, showing in the depths of their desire for each other.

Bernie scrambled to her feet, smoothing her shirt down as she did, while Serena fought against a feeling of general weakness, to push herself back into a sitting position. With a deep red blush, and trembling legs, Bernie managed to speak.

 

“Right,” she huffed, “ okay..erm, maybe we should..you know..stop. Sorry, I know that was all.. my fault.”

Serena nodded and slid across the gap to crawl into her own bed, pulling the covers up to her chin, not trusting her voice to say anything. She heard the the rustle of bedclothes as Bernie copied her actions, pausing to switch the small lamp off as she did. They lay there in the dark, listening to each other breathing for about five minutes, until Serena found she wanted to speak.

“Bernie?”

There was the sound of Bernie turning to face Serena.

“Hmm?”

“How strong are you?”

Bernie sat up in bed and switched the light back on, not sure if she’d heard correctly, or if she had fully understood the question.

“What? Um…strong as in..physically or, mentally?”

Serena exhaled noisily.

“Huh, more physically I think, but it may need…you know a certain...”

Bernie raised her eyes to the ceiling before shaking her head in exasperation.

“Serena, please just say what it is you have to say. My brain is just about as confused as it can get right now.”

Serena looked apologetically at her and gave a small smile.

“I wondered if you felt up to pushing your bed towards mine? And if you did, would it be too much given that we’re both struggling with a strong physical attraction here. Only, I would love to be close enough to touch you if I woke in the night, presuming I have the smallest chance of going to sleep in the first place.”

Bernie didn’t immediately reply, she just hopped out of bed, making Serena giggle by posing, flexing her biceps, prior to manoeuvring her bed towards Serena’s. She just as quickly jumped back in bed hovering momentarily above Serena to place a swift kiss on her head before snuggling back down under her covers.

“In answer to your question, yes, I’m physically strong enough as just demonstrated, and I think I can cope with any……urges providing you don’t tempt me by showing me too much of your body. So keep yourself well-covered please.”

She gave a deep chuckle to show Serena she was teasing her before she placed her hand on top of her duvet, inviting Serena to hold it with her own. As their hands entwined, as well as a ripple of excitement that travelled down her spine, Serena also felt a warmth that infused her whole body.

“Is this okay?” she asked quietly, and Bernie nodded, unable to take her eyes off Serena’s beautiful face, even after her eyes had closed and many minutes later her grip on Bernie’s hand slackened. She reached up with her other hand to wipe the few tears that had collected in the corner of her eye, full of hope and fear as to what tomorrow might bring.

 

************************************

 

Unsurprisingly Bernie was still asleep when Serena awoke the next day. She had lain awake for nearly two hours after Serena, giving her plenty of time for her brain to generate a million reasons as to why their relationship wouldn’t work. She didn’t even get panic stricken about it, just felt really sad that she couldn’t find her way through the maze in her mind, and yet compelled to keep trying. The arguments for and against pursuing this attraction ran round and round in her head, until she eventually fell asleep from mental exhaustion.

Serena’s sleep had been littered with fragments of memories, both past and present. Some of Edward which had her twitching, feeling irritation and anger building, and the next second she was being gathered into someone’s arms, and a calm would descend over her. Her last dream before waking had shown her Bernie’s face looking tenderly at her and as she opened her eyes a feeling of joy filled her as she realised she was still there, just inches away. The slightly anxious, troubled look that was often etched onto her features was gone, and Serena was totally bewitched by the woman lying next to her. She thought her face was exquisite, even though a study of her individual features would argue otherwise. Her nose - too long, her lips – too thin, her eyes….actually there was nothing wrong with her eyes. Two pools of soft brown colour that you could drown in if you stared at them long enough. But when all of these were viewed as a whole, it was a face of stunning beauty, with a smile that could launch a thousand ships. And most unusually, she seemed to be oblivious of it, which only made her even more attractive in Serena's eyes. Her breathing stuttered as she thought of how much she wants to get to know this woman, how she wants to explore her body……how much she just _wants_ her.

But given the short time that she had known Bernie, she already was aware she was a complex person. She herself could be a difficult woman for others to deal with, she knew that, having very fixed opinions of right and wrong, especially in the work environment. Her life, like many others, had thrown a lot of challenges at her feet, that had required fortitude and sheer bloody-mindedness to overcome; but apart from the most recent battle of losing her only child, she had always remained pretty constant in the way she interacted with people. She was never afraid to show others what angered her, what pleased her, and what upset her. She never saw expressing emotion as a weakness. But when she looked at Bernie she saw a woman who had built countless layers, one over the other, to do her best to hide from the world what she believed was a sensitive, fragile core. Serena wanted to work her way through them to find the very last layer, so she could be the one to peel it back, be the person that Bernie finally trusted enough to allow her true self to be seen.

As she had expected, their hands had parted during the night, but were still resting on top of their beds and Serena couldn’t resist the temptation to inch her hand forwards, until their finger-tips were touching, causing a shiver of anticipation to run down her spine. After a few more moments she slid her fingers underneath Bernie’s hand, palm up, leaving her thumb resting gently on top of her long tapering fingers. She inhaled sharply as she felt Bernie stir, curling her hand around Serena’s, her eyes still closed, but her mouth curving upwards in a small smile.

“Sorry,” said Serena, quietly, “I just wanted to touch you, I didn’t intend for you to wake.”

Bernie’s smile grew wider, even though her eyes remained closed.

“Then you vastly underestimate what your touch does to me, Ms Campbell.”

She forced her eyelids to open, and saw Serena blushing, as they gazed at each other in the early morning light.

Neither moved any closer to each other, both recalling the hunger they had felt last night, uncertain or unwilling to reawaken the desire that had nearly over-taken them. They were very much aware of the fragility of their new relationship, neither wanting to shatter it before it had begun.

“So, what are the plans for today?”

Bernie raised her eyebrows and stuck out her tongue.

“I think that it’s your turn to make some plans, after all the hard work _I_ did yesterday.”

“Oh, well in that case, if it’s down to me, the answer is very simple…”

Bernie gave her a disbelieving look, and Serena’s eyes sparkled mischievously.

“I’m quite happy to lie here….with you, and let the rest of the world go hang.”

There was silence for a while, the air growing heavy with unspoken words, until Bernie tore her eyes away from Serena and turned onto her back.

“Yes… well, loathe as I am to not give such a delightful offer due consideration, I’m afraid my bladder is about to explode so….” she quickly levered herself up and moved very swiftly to the bathroom. Her simple admission of her body’s needs, made Serena very aware of her own, and so she sat up, on the edge of the bed, tapping her feet on the floor. As soon as Bernie re-emerged Serena made her dash for the toilet, and not even the brush of their bodies as she pushed past Bernie, could halt her headlong flight.

By the time she came out, Bernie was missing from the bedroom and for some unknown reason Serena’s stomach knotted slightly as she walked into the lounge, wondering if she would still be there. She offered a silent prayer to whatever god was watching over her today, seeing her by the window, already fully dressed.

“Hello again,” she said lightly, and Bernie turned, just as she started to walk towards her. Bernie found her eyes glued to the movement of Serena’s breasts against the silky nightgown, and she gulped slightly before dropping her gaze to the floor, moving sideways, away from her. Serena immediately froze, thinking that Bernie was rejecting her, which made her feel sick.

“I um..it would really help...if you could put on a few more layers of clothing before getting any closer,” said Bernie shyly, still not looking Serena in the eye. “I can have an iron will when necessary, but I’m not sure it wouldn’t snap completely if I kissed you right now.”

As Bernie’s words registered it was Serena’s turn to look embarrassed, and she instinctively brought up her arm to cover her ‘assets’ as she hurried back to the bedroom mumbling “sorry” as she went.

When she returned a few minutes later she was in time to see Bernie replacing the hotel phone onto its cradle.

“Everything okay?” she asked. “Or were you just ordering another breakfast delivery?”

Bernie groaned.

“I don’t think I’d have the nerve, after everything we sent back yesterday. No, I was just checking what time we need to be out of the room.”

Serena laughed at Bernie’s discomfort, who sighed and held out her hand.

“Come here you…you beautiful woman,” and she pulled her into a warm embrace before tipping Serena’s chin up towards her so that she could kiss her gently.

As they parted Serena gave a deep sigh, mainly of relief.

“So you don’t regret yesterday evening then?”

Bernie manoeuvred Serena over to the sofa so they could both sit down.

“Of course not,” she whispered, pressing another kiss to her forehead, their hands resting between them.

“But we do need to sort a few things out….so first things first. What, if anything would you like for breakfast?”

Serena arched an eyebrow very suggestively, making Bernie glad she was already sitting down.

“The only thing I really want right now,” she almost growled, “is you.”

And she nuzzled into Bernie’s neck, kissing where her jawline met her ear, causing Bernie to tilt her head back, exposing her wonderfully (in Serena’s opinion) long neck, which she proceeded to kiss down until she reached her pulse point. Bernie seemed to lose all strength in her limbs at this attack and she fell against the back of the sofa her eyes closed as she felt Serena’s tongue start to lick along her clavicle. She tried to push her away, but the weakness that had overcome her seemed to be growing as Serena’s body melted against hers.

“What…what are you…doing to me?” she muttered as her hands came to rest on Serena’s hips.

Serena pulled back slightly from her attack on Bernie’s neck to respond.

“Not half as much as I’d like to,” she said suggestively, “seeing how you insisted on all these clothes.”

The brief respite from Serena’s mouth against her flesh gave Bernie the opportunity and wherewithal to slide sideways from under her, and then up and out of reach of her grasp. She put out her hands as a sort of barrier.

“Serena, please, we need to discuss what happens….next.”

“I thought I was already discussing it,” said Serena playfully.

Bernie felt her jaw clench with frustration that Serena seemed to be treating all of this as a joke.

“I’m serious,” she said through gritted teeth.

 

The smile fell from Serena’s face as she sat up tutting loudly, glaring in Bernie’s direction, annoyed that she was scolding her for trying to take some of the tension out of the situation. Her reply was tinged with bitterness.

“And you think I’m not? Despite what you say you’re acting as if you wish this _hadn’t_ happened.”

Serena stared at her, challenging her to deny it, and when there was no immediate response she felt stupid and sick all over again.

“Is that it? You want to forget this…ever happened?”

Bernie gave a slight shake of her head, trying to find the words that might help to calm things down, but which caused Serena even more anxiety. She felt her legs start to tremble, and she wished she had the strength to get up and walk out of the room, out of the hotel.

Bernie reached out to try and take one of Serena’s hands to comfort her, but she pulled away.

“No! No, you do not get to try and make me feel better in a ‘it’s not you it’s me’ pitying gesture. I won’t be treated as if I’m some sort of foolish old woman that you feel sorry for. Spare me that at least!”

The adrenaline that came with the words was enough to get Serena onto her feet and when Bernie saw her glance at the door she moved herself between it and Serena. She too, was now shouting.

 

“No! That is not what I’m saying at all!” She took a deep breath and lowered her voice trying to inject a sense of reason into this mess.

“Of course I don’t regret what happened, I told you, I’d been thinking of kissing you for days. But here…this holiday..this is us living in a bubble. And I’ve been in one of those before, and believe me, it’s no fun when it bursts.”

She kept a steady eye on Serena as she was speaking relieved that she no longer looked as if she was going to bolt out of the door.

“The way we met, being _coerced_ into sharing an intimate space with each other, is almost unreal, a bit like….a fairytale. And then we learnt things about each other which gave us a connection, and I really hoped that we could be friends, because….I knew…I liked you. I...I never, in my wildest dreams could have anticipated that you might feel the same.”

Serena looked at her with tear-stained cheeks.

“Then… why?”

“Because this holiday isn’t real, isn’t part of our normal lives. Our reality is back home, in Holby where there are so many pressures bearing down on us, from our jobs, and from people who might not understand, or be as kind as we think. I know from experience what that feels like. And…and if there is a chance of this…of _us_ working, then I believe we need to take it slowly. I know that _I_ want it to be more than a holiday fling.”

Bernie’s voice wobbled slightly.

“And I’m really hoping that you want it to be more as well.”

 

The silence between them grew until Serena took a step towards her, holding out her hands for Bernie to grasp.

“I’m sorry. I was being childish and defensive. If nothing else this has shown already how much we still don’t know about each other.” She looked searchingly into Bernie’s face.

“I assume the ‘bubble’ you referred to was your relationship with Alex?”

Bernie nodded.

“Getting blown up was a wake-up call. We’d never bothered to have a talk about our lives outside of the army, never considered a life where we could be together all the time. I had ignored the fact that I had a husband and family until I couldn’t, and I made the hardest decision I think I’ve ever made when I asked for the divorce. But strangely, that didn’t free me because I realised I needed to find out who _I_ was without either of them.”

Bernie looked at Serena with sad eyes.

“I still don’t know what it all means, but meeting you has turned my world upside down, and I so want to get it right this time. I know that I need to leave St James’s and start over, really think about where I’m going and what I truly want from the rest of my life.”

Serena felt her mouth go dry, and she had to swallow hard before she could speak.

“Does that mean you’re thinking of leaving Holby?”

Bernie could hear the panic in Serena’s voice and it was agonising to see it in her eyes too. She walked them both over to the sofa and sat down.

“At the moment that’s another question I have no answer for. All I can say is that I really want to get to know you more. Which is why I’m trying so hard to keep you at arms length, because I don’t want to hurt you, because I …care about you.”

 

Although a lot of what Bernie was saying made sense, Serena couldn’t help feeling that she was losing her grip on her, that she had just added another layer to the shell that she used to protect herself. Serena was not one to hide her feelings and needed to let Bernie know that.

“Okay… I get what you’re saying, but I don’t think it’s _just_ me you’re trying to protect, this is about you as much as me. I know how I feel and it’s not going to change anytime soon, so…for now..we’ll do it your way. The main thing I agree on is that we need to talk to each other about lots of things, starting now.”

 

And talk they did, right up until the moment that they had to vacate the room, taking a little time out to restore the bedroom to its former ‘twin-bedded’ state. They both agreed that sharing a room for the rest of the holiday was probably best avoided given their undoubted sexual chemistry, but that if one of them needed help, then they could always seek each other out. Day or night. Serena explained to Bernie that she needed physical contact and that her natural instinct to comfort and reassure would be hard to stop completely, but that she would try her best to keep it appropriate to the situation. She also expected and would want to be able to kiss her, whenever they could be discreet enough, and for Bernie to kiss her back.

As they walked to the door of their suite Bernie paused, turning Serena to face her. She stroked the back of her hand down Serena’s face before leaning forwards to capture her lips in a brief, but not chaste, kiss.

“Never doubt that every time I look at you, I will be wanting to kiss you, whatever spurious words you feel are coming out of my mouth. I will be honest with you, if you can give me time to find the words.”

Bernie gave her a wry grin, and Serena’s heart melted once again.

“You know Ms Wolfe, for someone that professes to struggle with talking, I think you’ve made admirable progress today. And if you think I’m talking _too_ much, I give you permission to stop me, like this…”

And she pulled Bernie back into a kiss that was definitely not chaste nor brief. Finally, smiling at each other they opened the door and went to meet their group downstairs in the lobby, already excited for the rest of their holiday together.

 

***********

 

They spent the next couple of days adjusting to the change in the dynamics between them, not exactly hiding it from the others, but not being too overly flirtatious either. Something that Serena struggled with more than Bernie, although the looks that she occasionally gave Serena from under her gloriously disheveled fringe, had Serena wondering how she hadn’t already spontaneously combusted. Anytime they spent alone was much more of a challenge, so they joined in with far more of the arranged itinerary than before, sneaking the occasional kiss whenever they thought they were out of sight. Serena wasn’t convinced that this furtiveness didn’t fuel her craving for ‘other’ activities to an even higher level, but for now, she pushed it down as deep as she could, only indulging in her fantasies when she was alone in her room at night. She did wonder if Bernie was suffering in the same way, but guessed that years of repressing her physical needs, for whatever reason, gave her the edge in that department.

Things came to a head, for Serena at least, on the last full day of their vacation.

As they had agreed they had spent a lot more of their time together simply talking and watching each other’s reaction to people and situations that they encountered. Bernie had found that Serena’s response to things was often immediate, and because of that not all decisions proved to be well thought out. On the other hand, Serena found Bernie to prevaricate about almost everything, unable to give a definitive answer to virtually anything for fear of causing offence. The only area where they both seemed to be of one mind was in their medical careers, both constantly having challenged themselves to be the best. From chats about their experiences and medical knowledge they both realised that they were incredibly similar in their chosen fields. But the primary way they found themselves to be in accord with one another was how much harder it was getting, every day, to keep their hands to themselves.

They were now in Moldova, in the capital city of Chisinau, and tomorrow they would flying home. But today’s planned visit was the one that Serena had been looking forward to since the start of the holiday. They were going to Cricova, a small town 15 kilometres from Chisinau, which gave its name to a very famous winery. On the short drive over there Serena chatted animatedly to Bernie, and anyone else who would listen, of how the winery was situated 100 metres below ground and that there was a whole network of labyrinthine tunnels that had 75 miles of roadways. The oldest bottle of wine there was from 1902, and that a story is told of the Russian cosmonaut, Yuri Gagarin, who entered the cellars one day in 1966, and didn’t come out for 48 hours, by which time he was in need of a fair amount of assistance. Bernie smiled at the tale, but moaned about Serena’s insistence that she wore the warmest jacket she had, as well as bringing along a scarf and gloves.

 

“Because the temp never gets higher that 12 degrees,” Serena answered, “and I promise you that just sitting on one of their custom-made open-sided tour buses, you _will_ get chilly.”

And, as usual she had been right.

Bernie was impressed by the way the tunnels had been used for the storage of the wine. Casks in one area, racks upon racks of bottles in others, all sorted by type and age, and a huge section devoted to champagne. There was a guide explaining all of this but, in Bernie’s opinion, Serena knew just as much and she enjoyed listening to her far more. Neither had been prepared for the sumptuousness of certain rooms where it was obvious that very important people were given the opportunity to taste some of the very best wines. They were allowed off the tour bus in certain places to walk around and look more closely at things, and while they were in one of the cask rooms Serena found herself being pulled into a shady area in between two large vats.

“What on earth….”

But before Serena could continue she felt Bernie’s lips on hers, and her arms encircling her waist, forcing their bodies close together.

As the kiss ended Serena could see in the gloom, the hint of a smile on Bernie’s face.

“Couldn’t resist any longer. Your eyes have been sparkling ever since we arrived here, and in case you didn’t know, that does all sorts of things to me.”

Serena leant back against one of the casks and smiled seductively.

“Well, it is documented that I have a penchant for a nice red wine, which has been known to make my eyes twinkle when I’m in close proximity to it. But….” And Serena pulled Bernie towards her, one hand resting at the back of Bernie’s head. “close proximity to you makes more than my eyes sparkle.”

And as she pushed her lips against Bernie’s, she twisted her hands through her hair, causing Bernie to moan with pleasure. The kiss deepened, becoming frantic, their tongues pushing in and out of each other’s mouths with an urgency that they hadn’t experienced since the night they had first kissed. It wasn’t until Bernie pressed her leg between Serena’s sending a shockwave of desire through her making her audibly gasp, that they broke apart, both of them trembling with the intensity of their feeling. They stayed in each other’s embrace for a few more moments, and then gradually straightened up, realising that they needed to rejoin the tour before anyone came looking for them.

Bernie reached out to wipe some lipstick traces from around Serena’s mouth, who then did the same for her, both of them aware that anyone looking closely at them together would know exactly what had happened. They caught up and then put some distance between each other, moving on to the wine tasting. Bernie heading for the white wine, and of course, Serena made directly for the red.

The rest of the day passed quietly, all agreeing on how wonderful the trip had been, and deciding that they should have their meal together as a group that evening, as some of the party were not flying home the following day and it would be a chance for everyone to say their goodbyes.

It was around 10.30pm that Bernie and Serena were heading back to their rooms, and they lingered in the doorway of Serena’s, their hands touching lightly.

“Until tomorrow then,” said Bernie quietly, “I hope you’ve got nearly everything packed, so you won’t have to get up too early in the morning.”

Serena raised her eyebrows in mock indignation.

“Need you ask? I suspect you’re the one who should be taking your own advice.”

Bernie grinned.

“You might be right, but at least everything I have fits _easily_ into one suitcase.”

Serena glared at her before she acknowledged the truth of Bernie’s words. She paused for a moment and grasped Bernie’s hand more firmly.

“You won’t just let this…. Us, fizzle out, when we get back…..will you? I don’t want to pressure you but I need to know that we’re still on the same page.”

Bernie looked at her from beneath her unruly fringe. She took a deep breath as if she was about to say something, and then just shook her head, gave Serena a very quick peck on her cheek. With a quick squeeze first, she untangled their fingers and as she turned away, whispered ‘good night’.

Serena stumbled backwards into her room, not sure exactly what all that meant. She sat on the edge of her bed trying to rationalise that if Bernie had meant the shake of the head to signify the end of their relationship she would have said it, surely? Especially after that kiss earlier today. Serena clenched her thighs together as she recalled the throb between her legs when Bernie had pushed against her…there. She went about her nightly ritual like an automaton, removing her make-up, putting on her nightgown, laying out her clothes for the journey home the next day. She looked at the bed and knew there was no way she could sleep without finding out whether or not Bernie wanted their daily increasing affinity for each other to progress once they were home. Blinking back a few unshed tears she grabbed the hotel dressing gown and her key and left the room and almost ran down the corridor to stand outside Bernie’s door. Before she had time to think she lifted her arm and knocked, then waited, her heart pounding in her chest, to see if Bernie would answer.

 

 


	8. The Last Night

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Finally the need for a Rating change.
> 
> Serena has realised she doesn't want to play the waiting game, but can she convince Bernie? She might not have the confidence she once had in her ability to seduce someone, or indeed in her body....but she does know it needs to be touched. But only by a certain Berenice bloody Wolfe.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you have enjoyed their holiday, and I hope this chapter doesn't disappoint. I have left it open for more chapters if I can manage to find the time with the pressures of Christmas fast approaching.  
> I'm also anxious to see how the next few weeks pan out on Holby, and have everything crossed for a happy conclusion to what looks to be at least a couple of angst-ridden episodes.  
> (and we all know I mean a proposal!)

Chapter 8 : The Last Night

 

 

The wait for Bernie to open the door seemed interminable. She thought she could hear her moving around inside, but the sound in her ears of the blood pulsating through her body was making it difficult to be sure. She was just on the point of turning tail to run back to her room when the door opened a crack to show Bernie’s puzzled face.

“Serena?... Is everything okay?”

The door opened wider to reveal Bernie wearing the self same bathrobe, and the look on her face had gone from puzzled to anxious. Serena suddenly realised that apart from being determined to see Bernie, she hadn’t really thought of what she was going to say. So she stood there, feeling foolish with her mouth open, but with no words. Bernie’s anxiety grew, wondering what had happened, and she reached out to take her by the arm, guiding her gently into the room, closing the door quietly behind her.

Serena shrugged her shoulders helplessly. All the things she had been thinking about seemed to sound juvenile in her head, so she walked over to the bed and sat down, clasping her hands in front of her.

“I…er…I started to..get worried.”

Bernie came and sat down next to her, and she gathered Serena’s hands into her own.

“Why?” she asked gently.

Serena took a deep breath, and exhaled slowly.

“Because..we’re going home tomorrow and..” she pulled one of her hands free and brought it to her neck, pressing and rubbing the skin there, “and I want more..to remember this holiday, this wonderful holiday by, than a few stolen kisses.”

As she finally managed to express herself, she felt herself blush, aware that she had more or less just asked Bernie to take her to bed.

Bernie didn’t quite know how to respond. She was pretty sure she understood the meaning behind Serena’s words and that made her feel nervous. She thought that they had both agreed to wait until they got back to the UK, and now the pressure to say the right thing felt huge. Her first mistake was to try and lighten the atmosphere by picking holes in Serena’s argument, in a sort of teasing way.

“Well, I rather think that there were more than a ‘few’ kisses, don’t you? And some of them lasted a darn sight longer than I think a ‘stolen’ kiss does, if my memory serves me right.”

She gave Serena a nudge with her elbow and smiled with more confidence than she felt.

Serena glared at her, her stomach clenching at how lightly Bernie seemed to be taking this.

“Do you have any idea how much courage it took for me to come here…to you, tonight?”

She shook her head and scoffed.

“You know what, forget this ever happened.”

Serena started to stand up, but Bernie’s hand shot out and pulled her firmly back down.

“Sorry, sorry, that was stupid of me, I knew it was even as I said it, but….I’m confused. It’s just..I thought we’d decided, you know, to wait for a while before taking it any further.”

Serena was still annoyed and couldn’t keep the bitterness out of her voice.

“I rather think that _you_ decided that, and I merely went along with it because I didn’t want you to disappear over the horizon if I’d said I didn’t want to wait.”

Bernie flinched and Serena regretted her words almost immediately.

“No, I didn’t really mean that, it’s not true. I probably had more doubts than you at first, so I agreed with what you suggested. But… now? It feels different, _I_ feel different. And I’m worried that once we’re back you’ll think that I was a nice distraction for your holiday but nothing that you want to pursue any further.”

It was Bernie’s turn to sigh.

“We never seem to be on the same page at the same time, do we? I’m not pretending when I say I like you Serena, a lot more than I’ve liked anyone for a some time. Why do you think I will change my opinion when we get home?”

“What about all those reasons you listed just after we kissed for the first time….work, family, friends all making demands. Trying to shape us into what they want according to _their_ needs. Judging us, telling us they know what’s best.”

Serena’s voice had risen in volume.

“I know I’m sounding hysterical and not at all like the rational person I believe I used to be, but….you, you have changed my life in 15 days. And I like the person I am when I’m with you, you make me feel as if anything is possible again. I just want some sort of closeness that I can hold onto …so, please, if nothing else can we just sleep in the same bed tonight? I need this, need you..even if you don’t need _me_ right now, and I know that’s selfish..”

Bernie’s heart melted at those words and she gathered Serena into her arms and hugged her tightly as she whispered into her ear.

“I want you just as much, so please don’t think I’m not as serious as you about this relationship.”

She brushed a kiss to Serena’s cheek.

“Of course you can stay.”

She let Serena go to stand up gesturing in the direction of the en-suite.

“I just..have to finish up in the bathroom.”

She nodded her head towards the bed.

“Make yourself comfortable.”

 

As Bernie closed the door behind her, Serena took a ragged breath, and stood up quickly to take off her robe. She had a moments hesitation when she considered stripping completely, before burying herself under the duvet, for Bernie to discover as she slid in beside her. Maybe then Bernie’s baser instincts would take hold and she wouldn’t be able to resist touching her, inflaming that desire she knew they had both felt earlier that day.

But she didn’t.

She knew, deep down, that if Bernie insisted on being noble, or wasn’t emotionally ready, then she had to accept that and trust that things would eventually work out for them. And any moves to force the issue on her part, she recognised, could possibly have Bernie running for the hills. Right now she would settle for spending even part of the night in close contact with the woman that she could scarcely she was falling in love with.

Climbing into bed she pulled the pillows up behind her so that she could sit up, resting against the headboard. She wasn’t above a little scheming though and she deliberately only pulled the covers to her waist, confident that Bernie found her upper body somewhat attractive.

‘ _All’s fair, in love and war,’_ she thought to herself.

 

Bernie seemed to be taking an awful long time, and Serena began to think she’d decided to camp in the bathtub, her anxiety rising that she’d overstepped the mark, and then she heard the door open and Bernie’s face peered out.

“Ah, okay. I wanted to make sure you weren’t already asleep, sorry I’ve been so long,” said Bernie, feeling slightly foolish.

Truth be told she had spent a long time staring at herself in the mirror trying to calm herself down after Serena’s surprise intrusion. She’d meant every word about how important their friendship was to her and she was terrified she might say or do something to fuck it all up. After all that was usually the pattern when it came to any of her relationships. There was a part of her that had hoped she would be asleep, but when she saw Serena in her bed wearing a nightgown that was doing very little to hide the swell of her breasts or the outline of her nipples against the flimsy fabric she felt just as pleased that she wasn’t, and she caught her breath, and felt her heart rate increase. Dressed in her customary t-shirt and shorts, Bernie walked around the bed to climb in the other side, and this time it was Serena’s breathing that hitched as she focused on those long slender limbs and the movement and bounce of her breasts. She sat next to Serena and everything went quiet for a while as they both tried to figure out their next move, neither wanting to risk upsetting the other. Bernie felt that if she just lay down and said ‘goodnight’ then Serena would feel she was being rejected, and Serena thought that if she tried to give Bernie a goodnight kiss, she would feel under pressure to respond. In the end, Bernie simply held out her hand, palm up, towards Serena, who clasped it gladly intertwining their fingers. That small movement gave them both the courage to turn to look at each other, and their eyes locked.

Bernie slowly brought her other hand across to stroke Serena’s cheek, her fingers stopping at her jawline.

“You really are the most beautiful woman I know,” she said softly, smiling as she watched Serena start to blush. “May I kiss you goodnight?”

Serena nodded mutely, her heart thudding in her chest, and as Bernie moved closer they loosed hands and Serena moved hers across to rest lightly on Bernie’s waist. In spite of the fact that they had kissed on several occasions since Kiev, this felt so different it was if it was the first time. As their lips pressed gently together, Bernie’s hand slipped around Serena’s neck to cradle her head and the smallest moan was heard as they sank into the caress. They slipped slowly down onto the bed, still softly kissing, sucking and pulling at each other’s lips in the most tender, teasing way.

“Turn around,” murmured Bernie, “so I can cuddle up to you.”

Loathe as she was to break apart, Serena complied with Bernie’s request, and then gasped with delight as Bernie’s arm wrapped around her waist, her hand coming to rest upon her hip. Serena covered it with her own, stifling a small whimper as she felt Bernie’s body pressing against her back, their feet tangling with each other’s.

“Is this..comfortable for you?”

Serena felt a jolt of desire as Bernie spoke, the breath from those few words blowing across her ear and along her jaw. She managed to hum her agreement as Bernie leant her head on her shoulder, her nose nuzzling into Serena’s neck. They lay there relaxing into each other for quite a while and Serena thought that if this was as far as Bernie wanted to go this evening, then she could live with that, even though parts of her body were aching to be touched.

Bernie, however, was fighting her own mental and physical battles. Her body too was aching, desperate to show Serena just how much she wanted her. Her brain was in turmoil, very aware that the slightest movement of the arm around Serena’s waist would bring her into contact with the underside of her breasts. These traitorous thoughts made her own nipples harden against Serena’s back as she imagined all too vividly her hands fondling Serena. Her pulse rate quickened and unable to stop herself she turned her head ever so slightly to kiss the base of Serena’s neck. To Serena the gentle brush of Bernie’s lips felt like a fire in her loins and she arched backwards towards her, exposing even more of her throat to Bernie’s gaze. All control now lost, Bernie continued kissing up towards her ear, momentarily closing her mouth around the lobe, causing Serena to gasp her name breathlessly, pleadingly. Serena’s hand left Bernie’s, still encircling her waist, trying to reach behind her, desperate to find any part of Bernie to hold onto, to touch. Bernie loosed her hold around her waist and eased away, to allow Serena to turn and face her again, and unlike the last time when Serena’s hand pushed under her t-shirt to stroke her skin, she did not pull away. Bernie looked searchingly into Serena’s eyes, and seeing her pupils wide with lust she pushed her forehead against Serena’s as she softly asked her permission to continue.

“Are you sure?”

In response Serena splayed her fingers out over Bernie’s back, trying to press their bodies together and nodded.

“So, so sure,” she whispered back.

Bernie surged forwards then, pressing Serena onto her back against the pillow, kissing her repeatedly. Soft sensuous kisses with teeth occasionally nibbling at lips, pulling gently before sinking back into a kiss. Serena’s tongue pushed forward and their kiss deepened as they explored each other’s mouth, each lick and thrust fuelling their hunger for each other. Bernie was hovering over Serena now, as she brought her hand up to stroke and squeeze her breasts through the nightgown. Serena could no longer hold back a groan of pleasure and she pushed herself upwards into the caress. As Bernie’s fingers found her nipple, her eyes flew wide open, shocked at the throbbing she felt between her legs, caused by that gentlest of touches. She saw Bernie’s face full of tenderness before she sank into another kiss, and then felt a small tug on her nightie, and Bernie once again asked her permission to proceed.

“May I…take it off?”

She was already gathering some of the material in her hands willing Serena to say yes, unwilling to think how devastated she would be if the answer was no. Serena, swallowing with difficulty, nodded her acquiescence, and removed her hands from Bernie’s body to push her hips away from the bed to assist her, before raising her arms above her body as Bernie pulled it up and off. She looked down on Serena with such hunger that Serena felt herself flush with excitement, her whole upper body turning a deep shade of pink.

Bernie caught her breath as she took in the sight of this glorious, generous woman’s body. She bent her head to kiss so slowly down from her lips to the valley between her breasts, watching them rise and fall as Serena’s breathing deepened, overwhelmed with all the loving attention Bernie was giving her. Her eyes fixed on Serena’s face, she moved her mouth across to capture a nipple between her lips, sucking at it gently, before dragging her tongue roughly against the tip. Serena felt a pulse of white hot pleasure engulf her and she arched upwards from the bed, her hands flying to grasp the sheets on either side of her as if trying to anchor herself down. She opened her eyes to watch with mounting desire as Bernie relinquished her left nipple, before moving oh so slowly across towards her right.

Unable to help herself Bernie gave a small smile as she hovered above, licking her lips, seeing Serena stiffen in anticipation. As Serena pushed herself upwards in an attempt to force the issue, Bernie drew back slightly to maintain the same distance, until she heard her groan in frustration.

“Bernie,” she panted, “please…”

So she did as Serena begged and repeated the capture of the nipple on her right breast, sucking and lapping as before, but as she pulled away this time she caught it between her teeth, leaning her head back, before letting it go. Both of Serena’s nipples were now standing erect, glistening with Bernie’s saliva and the sight of them filled Bernie with a hunger to kiss Serena again. She levered herself up Serena’s body towards her mouth, pushing one leg between Serena’s two, and as Bernie’s thigh pressed firmly against her core, Serena’s mouth opened in a silent ‘oh’. Their lips met with a great deal more urgency, and Serena found herself pushing her body down, to grind her sex against Bernie’s leg, at the same time digging her hands under Bernie’s shorts, gripping her firm backside in an attempt to keep as much pressure as possible right there where she wanted it. She couldn’t remember a time when she had experienced this level of arousal in a first sexual encounter, and she could hear herself whimpering as Bernie started to rock slowly back and forth against her centre.

The pressure of her thigh forced open the soft folds of Serena’s labia and Bernie could feel just how wet she was, and the joy of knowing that she had caused that almost overwhelmed her. She peppered her face with kisses before licking along Serena’s lips to request access once again, their lips crashing together, swallowing the small sounds that Serena was making in her throat, trying to convey how utterly she worshipped her in that moment. Even so, she needed to be sure that Serena was happy, and not wanting to scare her by moving too fast, she broke the kiss, and gasping for breath, she whispered in her ear.

“I want to touch you now, my sweet. Let me know if you want me to stop.”

 

Bernie slid slightly to her side moving her leg away and Serena’s eyes flew open at the loss of contact. Bernie tenderly stroked her face and then trailed her fingers down until her hand came to rest on Serena’s hip. Gazing into Bernie’s eyes Serena brought her arm up to curl around her shoulders and pulled her down to kiss her greedily. Bernie caressed down her hip and across her stomach until her fingers came to rest on the wiry curls covering her mound, twisting and pulling on them lightly. Serena huffed against Bernie’s lips, and Bernie once again halted to check that Serena was still okay.

“Serena? Yes?”

Serena bit her lip in frustration, and took a shuddering breath.

“Bernie…please, stop bloody asking me if I’m alright. I know you’re trying to do the right thing but I’m not a China doll…..and I’m not going to last much longer, so please….please touch me, now.”

 

Bernie used her foot to push Serena’s legs apart, and slid her whole hand between them covering her core. She could feel her juices already coating her inner thighs, marvelling that Serena was so wet and ready for her. She watched her face carefully as she pushed one finger into her folds, and stroked the whole length of her sex from back to front, applying more pressure as she came to rest on her clit. Serena’s breathing was now quite rapid and her hips rolled of their own accord, trying to keep Bernie’s finger rubbing just there. She gave an annoyed cry as Bernie pulled her hand away for a moment.

“I know,”she whispered, almost as breathless as Serena, her own desire building rapidly with every touch. “Not long now.”

She leaned down to kiss her breasts again and then captured her lips urgently as she slid two fingers inside her, moving gently in and out, feeling Serena arcing upwards to meet each push. She bent one of her legs to bring her foot flat on the mattress, opening her core so that as the speed of the thrusts increased, the heel of Bernie’s hand was striking against her nub. Serena’s hands were scrabbling at Bernie’s clothes to find purchase as her hips rose and fell until she felt a wave of ecstasy overcome her and she let go falling back onto the bed, her whole body stiffening in the throes of her orgasm, climaxing so strongly that Bernie couldn’t easily remove her fingers, which were being gripped by the contractions of her inner walls.

Bernie relaxed her arm movements until such time as she could slide her fingers out easily and felt tears come into her eyes as she kissed her as tenderly as she could, waiting for her to come back to herself. One of Serena’s arms eventually moved up to stroke Bernie’s face, and she gave a small groan as Bernie finally removed her fingers to pull her into a close embrace, still able to feel the little twitches in Serena’s abdomen.

Serena moved her head to lay it on Bernie’s chest sighing loudly as she did.

“Oh heavens, I can’t remember the last time I came like that,” she murmured. “That was…it was..”

“Good?” said Bernie, a smug yet mischievous smile on her face.

“I was thinking more along the lines of bloody marvellous,” said Serena, “but even that doesn’t come close.”

She closed her eyes replaying the way Bernie had made her feel with every touch and look and kiss, and Bernie watched her, not really able to believe how this woman had surrendered herself to her.

Serena snuggled in close to Bernie and then her eyes widened as she remembered that while Bernie had been so attentive to her needs, she hadn’t returned the favour at all.

“Oh Bernie, I’m sorry, I haven’t…I mean I was so….”

As she struggled to find the words she saw how puzzled Bernie was looking, and forced her brain back into gear.

“I was so absorbed in my own pleasure, I never…I did nothing… for you.”

Bernie gave a deep throaty chuckle.

“Nothing? You couldn’t be more wrong.” She took Serena’s hand and guided it between her legs so that she could feel how damp her shorts were. Serena looked at her in amazement as she realised what this meant.

“You’re wet? How? I mean, I barely touched you.”

Bernie gave her a little smile, suddenly feeling shy to talk about how her body responded whenever she was near Serena.

“Nearly as wet as you, I think.” She ducked her head so that she could continue without having to watch Serena’s reaction to her words.

“Ever since we first kissed I have had to suppress the way you make me feel. I don’t need your touch to excite me. Kissing and touching you….and seeing you naked and open for the first time tonight, it was so arousing I’m amazed I didn’t orgasm too.”

Serena brought her hand to Bernie’s chin, pushing it up so that she could look directly into her eyes.

“Well, in that case, will you give me the chance to learn how that feels? Because I still haven’t seen your body, and I so want to.”

Bernie nodded silently and sat up to pull her t-shirt over her head, then lay back down as she wriggled out of her shorts, throwing them onto the floor. Serena’s gaze went immediately to Bernie’s breasts, fascinated to see that although not as full as her own, her nipples were in fact larger. She reached out to touch her breast, cupping it, feeling the softness, captivated by the way the areola puckered and tightened as her thumb reached up to brush across her nipple. A hissing sound from Bernie’s lips as she did this, caused her to pull her hand away quickly, apologies already tumbling from her lips.

Bernie grabbed her wrist to guide her hand back.

“It’s fine….it’s more than fine…I’m very ….extremely sensitive there, and… _your_ touch took it to another level. Took me by surprise.”

Serena felt embarrassed all over again that Bernie was having to explain these things.

“I’m sorry….if I’m making this awkward. I know my own body, and it shouldn’t be that different it is…and I’ve never..well, you know.”

Bernie leaned forward, kissing her briefly to stop her talking.

“It’s okay, honestly. You don’t have to do anything…special, or indeed anything else. I’m happy for you just to lie with me. I only wanted your first experience of being with a woman…with me, to be a good one.”

Serena’s heart swelled at the loving look on Bernie’s face. She raised herself up and pushed Bernie onto her back, hovering above her, so that she could look at her naked body in its entirety. From her (in Serena’s opinion) perfect breasts to that toned, slim stomach and abdomen, she drank it all in, wanting to kiss every inch of it, wanting to feel Bernie squirming under her touch as she had under Bernie’s. Her gaze was so intense that Bernie could almost imagine that she was already touching her, and her body responded accordingly, making her moan with want.

Serena also began to feel desire building inside of her again and she dropped her head to kiss Bernie, their tongues sliding against each other’s as their hunger grew.

Serena pulled apart, gasping she tried to explain her worries.

“I want you to feel how you made me feel, but I’m scared….scared that I’ll mess it up and you’ll stop wanting _me…._ and I don’t think I could bear that.”

She sighed in frustration. “God, when did I start to doubt myself so much…why have I become so needy?”

Bernie took her hand again and pushed it back between her legs, to help Serena realise just how turned on that she was. Speaking softly Bernie rested her head on Serena’s cheek.

“Would you like me to guide you….show you what I like?”

Serena nodded, but was surprised when Bernie sat upright and pushed her onto her back, and she frowned at the unexpected move,

“No, no, this is for you…not me.”

 

“Shhh.. relax, just go with whatever you want to, I’ll tell you if it’s not working,” and Bernie raised her one leg to straddle Serena’s waist, pushing down with her hips as she did, and Serena gasped as she felt Bernie’s sex open, pressing against her hip, releasing a flood of wetness onto her skin. She reached up with both hands to caress and fondle her breasts, watching with awe as Bernie’s nipples hardened and grew as she rolled them between her fingers and thumbs. Then Bernie closed her eyes and threw her head back, her mouth open in a silent scream as the throbbing between her legs intensified. Serena’s hands left her breasts and trailed down her body, her nails digging in slightly making Bernie feel as if her skin was on fire. They came to a stop, resting on her hips and Bernie’s head dropped forward, her eyes opening to look at Serena, who could see the blackness and craving therein.

Bernie leant right down so she could kiss Serena’s lips.

“Serena,” (kiss) “Wendy,” (kiss) “Campbell,” (longer kiss), “are you positive you’ve never been with a woman before?”

Serena felt a giggle wanting to burst out of her chest, and she blushed again before shaking her head. She moved one of her hands from Bernie’s hip and slid it through the slickness between her legs and then stilled. Bernie gently held Serena’s wrist and guided her to rub back and forth over her clit, then moved her hand away.

“Now just…..think of what you..would like,” she panted, and Serena adjusted the angle of her fingers and feeling the shuddering response of Bernie’s body felt emboldened to push her hand further back. She could feel her fingers at the edge of Bernie’s opening, from which a constant stream of juices seemed to be pouring. Staring intently at Bernie’s face she whispered, “Inside?” Bernie gasped and nodded as for the first time Serena pushed a finger into her her dark warm tunnel. Bernie stiffened for a moment before breathing out the word ‘more’.

Serena added a second finger pushing as high upwards as she could, trying to build up a rhythm, but found her hand trapped by the weight of Bernie’s body. Sensing this Bernie leant forward and started to rock against Serena, freezing her hand slightly so that she could plunge in and out with Bernie’s movements. Her other hand moved around to her backside, digging her fingers in to pull each time Bernie surged forwards. Feeling how wet she was, Serena slipped another finger along side the two already thrusting in and out and was thrilled at Bernie’s cry of pleasure as she felt herself stretched. Her movements were getting more frantic, and there was a constant stream of soft moans issuing from her mouth as she felt her orgasm fast approaching. For a split second her eyes opened as she crested the peak, fixing Serena with such a blistering look, and then they snapped shut as Serena felt the ripples move against her fingers resting inside her, and Bernie wailed as she crashed down the other side, falling forwards onto Serena.

As the tremors slowly subsided, Serena gently removed her fingers and Bernie fell sideways onto the bed next to her. Serena brought her hand up to her face, gazing at her fingers in wonder, and slowly brought them to her mouth, sticking her tongue out to taste the juices coating them, closing her eyes as she did. She was startled to hear a gravelly and tired voice interrupt her thoughts.

“Do you have any idea how hot it is to watch you doing that?”

She whipped her head round to face Bernie, who had very heavy lidded eyes but a huge smile on her face.

“Seriously, in spite of all that’s just happened, you have no idea how much that is turning me on right now.”

Serena grinned in delight and deliberately pushed first one and then two fingers into her mouth sucking noisily and with relish, chuckling as she heard Bernie groan.

They wrapped their arms around one another and lay face to face, their foreheads touching. Bernie kissed Serena’s head before gently turning her so that she could spoon her once again, and it was Serena’s turn to moan as the feeling of Bernie’s breasts pressed against her back caused a definite stirring between her thighs. Bernie recognised that the sound indicated Serena was nearly ready to begin again so she spoke softly in her ear.

“Much as I understand you wanting to carry on, and even though I too would love to explore this more…we do have a tiring day ahead. Maybe we should try to get some sleep first? If we wake early enough we may still have time to revisit this then….and if not? Well, it’s not as if we’re going to be living very far away from each other is it?”

Serena sighed, but nodded her agreement. After a few moments she asked a question.

“So you don’t regret this then? I haven’t ruined anything by letting my libido take over?”

Bernie pulled Serena even closer her arm snaking around her to rest against the underside of her breasts.

“The only thing you have ruined is my ability to maintain any level of self control when I’m with you, knowing what a delectable body lies underneath your clothes. I shall spend every moment tomorrow wanting to press you into close contact to me, trying to find ways to touch you without anyone else seeing.”

They both groaned at her words and Serena reached behind her to slap Bernie’s leg.

“Stop it. Or I won’t be held responsible for what will happen..”

They lay cocooned in a haze of post-coital bliss, gradually drifting off to sleep, safe in the knowledge that they had taken the first step on what they both hoped would be a momentous journey.

 

 

 


	9. Epilogue - We travel, some of us forever...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This starts the morning after the night before and looks at how, over the next couple of months, their lives have been changed.. It's not all plain sailing though.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This has been a difficult decision, to decide whether or not to post this, given everything that's going on, on screen right now. Not because I think it's all going to come to a shuddering halt, (I think I'll want to write for these two for some time to come regardless), but more that some things I have suggested in this story have become a feature of their story on Holby. And I don't want anyone to think that I'm choosing sides in terms of which character people are supporting.   
> As usual I couldn't contain it to one chapter, so the return to smut will have to wait until next time I'm afraid.

Epilogue

 

 

A couple of days later, Serena realised that Bernie’s suggestion that they avoid seeing each other for at least a week had probably been the correct one, and similarly Bernie finally came to the conclusion that Serena’s insistence that they spent the last night of their holiday in each others arms had also been a good decision, even though initially she'd had doubts.

Their journey home had felt awkward, as they hadn’t really had time to talk about the change in their relationship before joining the rest of their group to share breakfast together. Then it was all systems go as they headed for the airport and once on board their plane they found themselves separated by three rows of seats. When they had landed on British soil Bernie felt emboldened enough to reach for Serena’s hand, but had been surprised when she had moved hers away, ostensibly to pat a wayward hair back into place. In the next instant she apologised and nodded her head towards the exit, saying that she had a seat reserved on a train from Euston to Holby, so, if she was coming too, they needed to get a taxi pretty quickly. Bernie followed her and inevitably they arrived at the station a good hour before the train was due. Feeling embarrassed about how she was handling things Serena made her way towards a coffee shop, and once again Bernie trailed in her wake. Finding a table, and clutching their coffees, Bernie waited for Serena to speak, not entirely sure about how things were between them. After a minutes silence Serena cleared her throat.

“Ahem, I…I’m sorry..about, you know, when you tried to hold my hand. It was stupid of me not to, I know. Especially after…” she took a deep breath, “last night.”

She looked apologetically at Bernie and slid her hand across the table towards her, which Bernie grasped thankfully.

“Are you regretting it happened?” Bernie asked nervously.

It seemed odd to be having this conversation now, when they had woken up in bed together less than 7 hours ago. They had kissed briefly but tenderly a couple of times, but then Serena had been hurrying along the corridor to her own room and Bernie had been throwing her clothes back into her suitcase. Something which wouldn’t normally have taken very long but she kept pausing, images of Serena in her bed playing over and over in her mind.

Serena’s response was swift and sure, and she sounded a little hurt.

“Of course I don’t. How could you think that?”

Bernie moved her gaze from Serena’s face down to their hands.

“You wouldn’t be the first to have felt uncomfortable after taking that step. I’ve not really had a proper relationship since Alex, and another woman I thought was interested in me backed off when things became more….physical.”

“More fool her then,” muttered Serena, and then her face relaxed into a small smile. “Although I should be very glad she did, otherwise…” and she brought Bernie’s hand up to her lips.

There was another small, less painful silence, until Bernie felt she had to speak about what their expectations were now.

 

“So…er..how do we, how do _you_ want to um….proceed?”

“Good god woman, you make it sound like you’re asking advice on a splenic artery repair!” 

Serena had meant it as a joke, but when she saw Bernie flinch slightly at her tone she regretted it immediately, and she gripped her hand tightly.

“Look, maybe you were right when you said that we might need a little time apart. Even if the thought fills me with dread. I need to focus on meeting with Hanssen to discuss my getting back to work, and I have to show my nephew Jason that I’m a different Auntie to the one he's had to deal with over the last few months. And I do need to talk to him about…you..us.”

“Do you think it will be a problem for him?”

Serena shrugged her shoulders.

“In terms of you being a woman? No. But the possibility of it affecting his routine is more difficult. He doesn’t _like_ change, but as long as it happens gradually and he has time to adjust he seems to take it in his stride.”

Bernie nodded her understanding. It was a difficult line to tread, made harder by the fact that they were still feeling their _own_ way around this..connection they had.

“And I need to tell St James’ that they won’t be able to rely on my services as a locum forever…once I’ve scoped out the jobs available to me. Hopefully from hospitals no further than 50 miles away, assuming that one exists that’s willing to take a chance on a screwed-up Army Medic. Not to mention telling Marcus and Charlotte. I think Cameron has already seen for himself how things are between us.”

Serena stroked the back of Bernie’s hand with her thumb.

“Just make sure your CV says ‘ **brilliant** screwed up army medic’,” she said, trying not to let it show how her heart had skipped when Bernie had mentioned the possibility of her not staying in Holby. She steeled herself to ask the same question Bernie had.

“So, are you okay with what happened last night too? I know I was the instigator….and I’m sorry if I put you in a situation you weren’t entirely comfortable with.”

Bernie waited until Serena looked at her before giving her a broad smile.

“I’m _more_ than okay with it. Just as you _more_ than like me. Last night was the closest I’ve felt to someone, physically and emotionally, for a long time.”

She then went on to say something she knew would not go down well, even though Serena had already mentioned it, she suspected that she had been hoping that Bernie would deny the need.

“But.. we _do_ need to give each other some space for a while, and perhaps for longer than you were thinking.”

Her heart sank as she watched Serena’s face turn sombre, an anxious frown appearing on her forehead. She hastened to try and minimise the hurt she could see there.

“We both agree that there are matters to attend to, some of which can’t be rushed. And I don’t think feeling pressured to achieve them in a fixed time frame will benefit either of us. I know we still have an awful lot to learn about each other, but I… I need, no, _we_ need to stop and think, really be sure it’s what we want.”

Serena made herself pause to consider Bernie’s words before opening her mouth, in case she ended up saying something she might regret.

She thought about how she had been before going on holiday, and she could see clearly that she hadn’t been coping. She’d only been capable of functioning at all because she constantly tried to stop herself from feeling anything. But more swiftly than she would have thought possible, Bernie had broken down the barriers she had so painstakingly set up. And she knew that she needed to assess how this had altered her, especially in the way she engaged with others. The pain she felt every morning when she woke to the realisation that her daughter, her little girl had died, would always be there in varying degrees, but she had started to believe that it didn’t have to affect _every_ facet of her life. That she could return to work without feeling the pressure to never make a mistake that might result in someone else dying, and to control her anger and despair when others survived against the odds, and her daughter hadn’t.

She looked into Bernie’s anxious eyes and nodded reluctantly. She knew that Bernie still had her own demons to face, and if she loved her (which she instinctively knew she did) then she had to give her room to breathe.

“I can’t pretend that I like the idea, and it will be hard to think of you being so close, yet not able to be with you. But, if that’s what you feel it takes for us to have a chance, then I agree.”

She couldn’t quite hide the hurt she was feeling and Bernie squeezed her hand tightly.

“I’m sorry for asking this of you. I promise I will be feeling as wretched as you..if that helps.”

Serena gave a rueful smile and shrugged her shoulders.

“Not really. But I do understand why..honestly. Let’s put it to one side for now.”

 

Their train was nearly due so they headed for the platform and although Serena had pre-booked a seat, she chose to walk up and down the train with Bernie until they could find two seats side by side.

They talked for a little while, but spent most of the journey in silence, with their hands resting on top of one another between them. At one point Bernie fell asleep leaning against Serena’s shoulder, and she spent the whole time resisting the urge to press a kiss into those unruly waves of hair. She didn’t want to think about the moment they would say goodbye, for however long it took for them to sort out…things. As the train pulled into Holby station and they stood, ready to collect their cases, they both felt a heaviness in their limbs, as if moving through molasses. Walking to the taxi-rank Bernie slipped a piece of paper into Serena’s pocket.

“My address,” she said, quietly.

“Oh..oh, I never thought…I’ll text you mine,” Serena said, feeling a failure for not thinking of that.

“No need,” replied Bernie, “we could share a taxi and if we drop you off first i can see where you live. And I could always get a message to you via the hospital if necessary..yes?”

Serena nodded, relieved that she didn’t have to say goodbye in such a public place.

About 40 minutes later the cab pulled up outside Serena’s leafy detached, and Bernie asked the driver to wait as she jumped out to collect Serena’s luggage from the boot, following her up the drive to her door. She watched Serena slowly open the door and handed her the cases, which she put inside the hall.

“You have a lovely house,” remarked Bernie. “Makes my apartment seem very small.”

“I’d love for you to see inside…..are you sure about us not seeing each other?” Her voice broke slightly and she could hear the pleading tone in her voice. She felt so needy; just like a 20 year old version of herself, desperate for a look, a touch, a kiss from the woman holding both her hands in hers.

“We can text each other if we feel the need, and I promise that if you tell me things are really bad, then I’ll come as quickly as possible. I don’t want to think of you feeling that I’m abandoning you….I’m sorry.”

She pulled Serena into a tight embrace before bending her head to capture those soft sweet lips into a kiss so full of yearning that Serena’s head started to spin and the ground underneath her feet suddenly seemed as if it was shifting. It appeared as if Bernie sensed it too, and she put one of her hands against the door jamb to keep herself steady. And then her lips were pulling away and she was striding down the path and climbing into the taxi, not daring to look back at Serena until the cab was moving off.

xxxxxxxx

In the days that followed Serena tried to focus on putting her life back into a rhythm that hadn’t been present for quite some time. She welcomed Jason back into their home, and he noticed almost immediately how much better she seemed.

“It’s not that you’re not still sad,” he remarked in the forthright way he had, “but your smile is soft again instead of forced, and I can see a kindness in your eyes which I’d missed, since Elinor died.”

Serena sighed inwardly, feeling guilty at how unloving she must have been towards him, perhaps even resentful that he was still there and not her daughter. She placed a hand on his shoulder and gave it a gentle squeeze.

“I’m sorry,” was all she said, but he knew it was enough.

Hanssen too could tell that Serena had undergone ‘a sea change’ whilst away, but was too much of a gentleman to say ‘I told you so.’ He merely nodded and listened as she told him that she wanted a phased return to work, and was delighted when he agreed to her working 3 days a week for a month, then to increase it by a day each week until she was back to her previous hours.

“However,” he said firmly, “ I am trusting you to tell me if you need longer to adjust, and I insist that until further notice you are not to do any night shifts or be on call when not on the ward. For the first week administration duties and supervision of patients only. After that electives or basic surgery procedures are the order of the day unless sanctioned by myself. Especially no trauma cases except in extenuating circumstances. Do I have your agreement on that?

“Oh come on Henrik, you know how the NHS works, I can’t be running to you every time someone is in need of life-saving surgery. What if you’re not even here?”

Hanssen fixed her with an icy stare.

“Then you find Ric Griffiths. I repeat, do I have your agreement?”

Serene knew better than to argue any further, and she was only too thankful to have some purpose for at least three days a week. Anything that helped her cope with how much she was missing a certain person right now. So she shook his hand and accepted his proposal.

 

She was amused to find herself looking at women in a slightly different way. She’d always been aware of what made different women attractive; Jac Naylor’s cheekbones had made quite an impact on her the first time she saw her, but it hadn’t made her consider her as anything but a fellow professional.

She started to notice the way women moved, and smiled, their different figures, even how they spoke. Tried to establish if she was attracted to a ‘type’, whatever that meant, and unsurprisingly she didn’t come to any clear conclusion. Most of the time she was simply comparing them to Bernie, and that proved to be no contest at all. Bernie came out on top every time. She also registered that while she could still appreciate a good male physique, there was no way she would choose a man again, over Bernie.

So she did what she had always done when things weren’t under her control, she focused on her work. She ploughed through the reports and board meeting minutes that she had missed during her absence. Listened to the concerns of the management over the rising costs of agency doctors and nurses, and also to the equally as important worries of the staff who were stretched to breaking point at times, and felt very guilty that her unavoidable absence had added to those problems. But always in the back of her mind was Bernie, and when she might see her again.

They had exchanged a few texts, and once Serena had the green light from Henrik she had phoned Bernie to tell her the good news, but had had to leave a message as she didn’t, or  rather couldn’t pick up. To be fair she had responded fairly quickly with a text to say how pleased she was, but so far hadn’t volunteered any information on how things were going for her….and no mention of them seeing each other in the immediate future. Serena could feel her morale lowering on a daily basis, and yet hesitated to push the issue for fear of hearing that Bernie had decided that it wasn’t what she wanted, and that she would lose her forever. However, after a few weeks of pining, and on one afternoon finding herself sitting in her car only a street away from Bernie’s address in the hope of catching a glimpse of her, she knew that she was being ridiculous and made up her mind to phone her.

She waited until around 10pm, keeping her fingers crossed that she wasn’t on a night shift and still awake, holding her breath as the phone rang out. When Bernie did answer, it took Serena so much by surprise she forgot to speak.

“Serena? How are you?”

When there was no reply, Bernie got a little concerned .

“Serena, are you there? Are you okay?..... Do you need me to come round?”

Finally Serena managed a croaky “Yes.”

“Thank god, you had me worried for a moment. Wait, did you mean ‘yes’ to all three questions?”

Serena sighed.

“I mainly meant that I was okay..ish, but if you want to come over you’d be very welcome.”

Bernie gave a small chuckle, but then realised that Serena hadn’t joined in.

“Serena, what’s wrong?”

“You,” said Serena quietly. “You never ring me, or text me unless I text first. I’ve told you everything that’s happened to me since we said goodbye at my door, but I don’t have a clue what you’re doing, or feeling.” Serena could hear her voice getting wobbly so she took a deep breath before saying anything else.

“Bernie, please, if you want me out of your life, then just tell me. I can’t stand whatever this is, not knowing when or if I’m ever going to see you again. I’d rather be upset now, than devastated one or two months down the line.”

She heard a deep sigh from Bernie and prepared herself for the worst.

“I did tell you I was rubbish at communication didn’t I? I was thinking I was giving you space and time, especially as you had the extra stress of starting work again. I obviously got that wrong. I promise I _do_ still want us to move forward.”

“Yes, so you say. But to do that surely we need to be seeing each other…going out on a..date or something?”

Bernie wasn’t sure, but she could hear how wound up Serena was and wanted desperately to try and make her feel better.

“Okay. How about we meet up soon for a drink somewhere?”

It didn’t sound particularly romantic to Serena, but she took what she could get, and they arranged that Bernie would pick her up on Friday at 7.00pm.

So it was, after giving Jason his dinner a _little_ earlier than usual, which had sparked a few hot words between them, that Serena found herself standing in her bedroom staring at about five different outfits that she had laid out on her bed.

‘ _It would help if I had any bloody idea where we are going.’_ she thought to herself. She’d put out a pair of trousers but then remembered that was pretty much all she had worn on holiday so had decided to opt for a skirt instead. So it was between 2 skirts now, one blue and one grey, and she was draping various tops against them to see what went best with each. She really wanted to wear the deep red cashmere sweater, but that would mean she had to wear the grey skirt which she felt clung a little too tightly to her hips. She was still prevaricating when she heard the slam of a car door and glancing out of the window she saw Bernie walking up the drive.

“Shit,” she hissed through gritted teeth, before moving onto the landing to shout down to Jason asking him to open the door and let Bernie in. She waited until she heard Jason open and then close the door, then she darted back into the bedroom to get ready as quickly as she could.

Bernie had been slightly surprised when it wasn’t Serena that let her in, but Jason was the perfect gentleman and showed her into the lounge. He was telling her how much nicer his Auntie Serena had been since she had come back from her holiday, when Bernie caught sight of Serena entering the room. She rose to her feet and instead of saying hello, the first word out of her mouth was “Wow.”

Serena was wearing the grey skirt and maroon sweater (she’d not had time to dither any longer) and Bernie thought she looked incredibly sexy. Bernie moved towards her, but stopped short of actually touching her, not sure if Serena had talked to Jason about the nature of their friendship.

“Sorry I wasn’t ready when you arrived. Not sure what to wear, as I have no idea where we’re heading.” She knew it sounded as if she was criticising, but found herself already blushing, distracted by the intensity of Bernie’s gaze.

“Oh, sorry, I didn’t think. You..you look perfectly lovely, and it’s fine… more than fine, what you’re wearing.”

Serena gave a small smile before turning to Jason to make sure he knew what time she hoped to be back, and promised to ring him if it was going to be any later. Also assured him he could ring her anytime if he was concerned.

As they walked down the drive, they both had butterflies in their stomachs, and as Bernie held the door of her car open for Serena, she fought the urge to pull her into a hug and tell her how much she’d missed her. She drove for about 30 mins to a rural inn, just outside of Holby, that had a reputation for being a good gastro pub with a wide selection of wines and beers. Things were awkward at first, the general chit-chat they had previously indulged in when on holiday felt stilted and a little forced, until Serena started talking about how things were going at Holby, and she had the courage to question Bernie about what she had been doing.

“Well, I’m still a locum at St James’ at the moment, but I have been for a couple of interviews. Still waiting to hear on both, unfortunately.”

Serena was almost frightened to ask the next question .

“Where were they? In this country, I hope?”

Bernie smiled warmly and finally ( _finally!_ thought Serena) reached her hand out to take hold of one of Serena’s.

“Yes. The first was at St Agnes, and the second one was at…Holby City.”

Serena was so busy thinking that St Agnes wasn’t too far away, about 30 miles, but not so far that commuting would be out of the question, that she nearly missed the word ‘Holby’.

“Wait…what? Did you say you came to Holby? Why didn’t you tell me? We could have met up, had a coffee…lunch. I could even have put in a good word for you.”

Serena felt vaguely annoyed even though she had no right to, and started to pull her hand away, but Bernie just gripped it all the tighter.

“Serena…please. I didn’t say because I didn’t want to jinx anything. I knew it was a day you weren’t working because you’d already told me you had planned to take Jason to the Dr Who exhibition in Exeter and I wouldn't have wanted you to even consider cancelling that. And..I also didn’t want you saying anything about me to any of the board. If I get the job then it has to be on my own merit, and not because their esteemed vascular surgeon quite likes me.”

She gave Serena a wink.

“And quite frankly, they wouldn’t have listened anyway. Our friendship is not based on my prowess as a surgeon is it?”

It was on the tip of Serena’s tongue to say that she could at least vouch for how dexterous her fingers were, but instead simply squeezed her hand and nodded her head in agreement.

“So, how long before you hear? From either of them?”

“A week, possibly longer if they need to take up written references rather that verbal ones. I promise I’ll let you know…either way.”

Serena smiled and suddenly a warmth crept back into their conversation and a little weight lifted from her heart. It seemed as if Bernie had meant it when she had said she was looking to settle down. Another couple of hours passed and they both jumped as Serena’s phone rang showing the name Jason, and she realised with a start that it was nearly the time she had promised him she would be home. He explained that he was going to bed, and didn’t want her to wake him when she got back, by knocking on his door to say goodnight. She assured him she would be as quiet as a mouse, which nearly turned into a long debate about whether in fact a mouse was a quiet animal at all, until Serena, using her school ma’am voice said ‘Goodnight Jason’ very firmly.

She caught Bernie’s eye, and was moved by the warm and amused smile she had on her face while listening to their conversation.

Ten minutes later they were walking across to Bernie’s car, side by side, their arms occasionally bumping against each other but not actually holding hands. And now that the traffic was lighter, they were pulling onto Serena’s drive only 20 minutes later. Ever gallant, Bernie bounded out of the car to walk round and hold the door open for Serena. They walked slowly up the drive and Bernie waited while Serena got out her key. She turned shyly to look at Bernie.

“Would you like to come in for a while?” she asked tentatively.

Bernie’s chest rose and fell and she breathed deeply and tried to clear her mind of all her preconceived ideas of how this evening would end. Of course she wanted to go inside for a while, of course she wanted to stay, to have Serena lead her upstairs into her bedroom where they would reacquaint themselves with each others bodies.

_God, how she wanted that._

And she knew that Serena wanted that too, that she had been reigning herself in all evening not to touch, and stroke and kiss her. Yet she’d still had the courage to ask her inside, into her home. Bernie closed her eyes and wished that just for once she could shut off her brain, stop herself from overthinking every little thing, always trying to make sure she had a back up plan in place for when things didn’t go the way she had imagined. She opened her eyes to look at Serena just as she had turned back to open the door, already preparing herself for the ‘no’ she knew was coming,  disappointment already showing on her beautiful face.

Bernie put her hand onto her shoulder to gently persuade her to face her again. She dipped her head to kiss her softly, arousal flooding through her as she felt those soft full lips respond to her, surging forwards to connect again even as she drew back. 😘

“Ohhh, Serena, you have no idea how much I want to spend even five more minutes with you. Want to kiss you again and again and…”

“Why am I sensing a ‘but’ is about to come out of your mouth,” said Serena sadly, and Bernie closed her eyes again in despair.

“Serena…please, please believe me when I tell you that right now very little matters to me but you. But, I’m still as lost as you are in how this will work out. I’m frightened, really scared of making the wrong move and ruining everything. In surgery I understand what I need to do to get the best possible result, or have a plan in place that shows me a way forward, but in my private life…not so much. Especially when the outcome means so much to me.”

Bernie placed her hands to hold Serena’s face between them, and kissed her again, long and slow and deep. Felt Serena’s body push against hers, sliding her hands onto Bernie’s hips to keep her flush with her own. And then they were stumbling into the house, lips still locked, as Serena turned Bernie round and pressed her against a wall. Bernie’s arms were now encircling Serena’s waist and as one of her hands slid underneath the soft jumper they both gasped as skin met skin, causing them to break the kiss. Panting they leaned against one another.

Serena stretched out her arm and pushed the door to, rather more forcefully than she intended as she took Bernie’s hand to lead her through into the lounge. Bernie stood her ground but looped her other arm around Serena’s neck so that she could kiss her again, this time more firmly, and Serena moaned as she felt Bernie’s tongue glide past her lips.

“Auntie Serena!” shouted Jason from the top of the stairs, causing them to leap apart, “ I told you I was going to bed so that you would be quiet when you came home. You know I have to be up early for my shift tomorrow.” His eyes took in the sight of Bernie trying to compose herself. “Oh, hello Bernie, I didn’t know you would be here as well. Are you staying here tonight? Only I will have to organise a bathroom rota if you will be using it as well.”

He didn’t sound annoyed, but the look on his face told Serena that he was not happy. She started to say something but Bernie got there before her.

“No, it’s alright Jason, I won’t be staying, but thank you for thinking of me, but I wouldn’t expect you to change your routine. I promise when and if I do decide to sleep over, we will tell you in plenty of time so that you can arrange things in advance.”

Jason looked a little happier and Serena smiled at Bernie in thanks.

“I’m sorry Jason, I didn’t mean to slam the door. Go back to bed, I’ll be coming up soon. And I’ll give you a lift to work in the morning so that you can have a little extra sleep if you need it.”

Jason nodded and went back into his bedroom. Serena sank against Bernie and wrapped her arms around her.

“Bugger,” she muttered into Bernie’s neck. “I have a feeling that we’d both be wearing a lot fewer clothes by now if I hadn’t been so impatient to trap you inside.”

Bernie stroked Serena’s head, pushing her fingers through her hair.

“I know, my resolve was definitely weakening. But we are going to have to call it a night now. Maybe we could do this again soon?”

Serena looked at her, her eyes shining.

“You can count on it,” she said a little breathlessly. “But you text me first..right? I need to know what’s going on in your world too.”

Bernie kissed her tenderly as her hand reached for the door. “I promise I will.” And then she was gone, leaving Serena with an itch that for now, only she could scratch.

True to her word, Bernie texted her the very next day, saying how much she had enjoyed their evening, and made arrangements to meet up in a few days for a coffee, shifts allowing, and then another date just over a week later. This became the norm for a few weeks, with none of the awkwardness of that first night, and lots of hand-holding and gentle (and some not so gentle) kisses, but Bernie was very careful not to be drawn into Serena’s home again. Serena let it slide for a while, but her frustration was growing with every day and there were only so many times that she could use the memory of the way Bernie had touched and cherished her on the last night of their holiday to relieve her building frustration. She was now back full time at Holby and beginning to enjoy her work again, rebuilding the trust between herself and her family on AAU, even though the dynamics had changed. Fletch was now Director of Nursing and Raf was dividing his time between AAU and Keller ward, where he seemed to have been quite smitten by senior nurse and transplant co-ordinator, Essie Harrison. She had tried dropping hints to Hanssen about how she had heard great things of a trauma specialist, Major Berenice Wolfe, and wouldn’t it be a feather in their caps if they could entice her to Holby, but to no avail. He had merely raised an eyebrow, with an inscrutable look upon his face, and murmured, “Indeed.”

Then one day she received a phone-call from Bernie, asking if they could meet up, perhaps for lunch. Serena explained that she had quite a heavy day ahead with plenty of electives to keep her busy, let alone any emergencies that might be directed her way, but that if Bernie was willing to meet her in Pulses around 12.30, she would probably be in need of a coffee and a sandwich by then. Keeping her fingers crossed that this meant good news Serena started to feel a bubble of happiness creep into her, even though she tried hard not to let it overwhelm her, just in case. When she finally managed to get away, and down to the coffee shop she was buzzing with suppressed excitement, and the minute she saw Bernie with a huge grin on her face, it was all she could do not to run and throw herself into her arms. She waved to her and went to choose a sandwich, having noticed that Bernie appeared to have a coffee already waiting for her at the table. She sat down and Bernie grabbed her hand before speaking.

“Well, it’s not the post I had applied for, and it’s not permanent, at the moment, but I’ve been head-hunted to oversee the planning and installation of a Trauma Unit in the ED here at Holby. Apparently Connie Beauchamp applied for funding and was successful on the condition that they get an expert on board. Your CEO put forward my name and after a gruelling interview…..I start in 3 weeks time!”

How either of them contained themselves not to leap to their feet and hug they would never understand, but the joy reflected in their eyes told them all they needed to know.

“I thought, maybe we could go and grab a drink tomorrow evening, you know, to celebrate?”

Serena’s heart sank.

“Oh Bernie, that’s a bit difficult. It’s ‘fish and chip’ night chez Campbell, and, unless I want to deal with a melt down from Jason, I couldn’t really change it.”

Bernie smiled. “Don’t worry, we can do it whenever we’re both free.”

They compared their shift patterns over the next 5 days, and were very disappointed to find out that it would be a week before they could easily get together. Suddenly Serena had an idea.

“Look, why don’t you come to mine tomorrow and have a meal with us? I’ll get something suitably bubbly to toast your success…..and if you should happen to drink a little too much, I’m sure I could find you somewhere to sleep…”

Serena winked at Bernie, who immediately blushed knowing exactly what Serena had in mind.

“That sounds….. lovely, but how will Jason react to my being there?”

“Leave that to me. I’m sure that as I can give him some warning, and if I promise him you will watch a programme of his choosing, I can’t see there being a problem. I can always add the incentive of a pickled egg and an extra large portion of chips to sweeten the deal.”

“In that case, I will accept your kind invitation…thank you.”

Serena suddenly realised they were still holding hands and she looked nervously around to see if there was anyone she knew in the near vicinity. She didn’t want to upset Bernie by pulling her hand away, but she also didn’t want any rumours flying around the hospital before Bernie had even started. Bernie recognised that Serena was uncomfortable and removed her hand, smiling warmly at Serena to show that she understood.

“I’d better be getting back to the ward,” said Serena reluctantly, gathering up the sandwich which she hadn’t even opened.

Bernie nodded and pushed herself up from the table.

“I’m looking forward to tomorrow. Shall I get to yours for around 6.00pm?”

“Yes. I’ll drop Jason home first, before I get our dinner, so if my car’s not there when you arrive he can let you in. I’m so, so pleased for you…you know that don’t you?”

“Of course, just wish…I could show you how happy I am, but..” Bernie looked around at the crowded coffee bar and shrugged.

She walked to the lifts and waited for a moment with Serena until the lift arrived, and even as it emptied, watching as she walked inside and the doors began to close. To Serena’s surprise, at the last moment, Bernie darted into the lift with her. “At last..alone,” she murmured and pushed Serena against the back wall, kissing her hungrily, and Serena dropped her sandwich to the floor to throw her arms around Bernie’s neck, whimpering as she felt Bernie’s leg press firmly between her two. It lasted no more than a few seconds, but as they sensed the lift slowing they broke apart gasping for breath. As the doors opened on the first floor, Bernie bent down to pick up the sandwich and handed it to Serena.

“Enjoy your lunch,” she said with a grin, and strode out of the lift to the stairs leaving Serena still reeling, and very much wishing she didn’t have to wait until tomorrow evening before she could kiss Bernie again.

 

 

 


	10. Epilogue : Part Two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is the evening and night that Serena has been longing for ever since they returned from their holiday. but can it ever live up to what she wants it to be?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, definitely the final chapter this time. And there's very little plot here, just mainly smut.  
> it took me a little longer than i thought it would, having been derailed like many of us were by Jemma's last appearance on Holby. And yes, it did make me question whether it was worth continuing to write for this OTP, given that many of us felt that the shows writers and producers had assassinated one of the characters to get the ending they apparently needed.  
> However, enough of that. I still adore their story and will continue to write for them as and when I get ideas that I feel remain true to their love.  
> Thank you for staying with me on this particular journey and for the wonderful comments you have left to inspire me.

Epilogue: Part Two

 

 

Even now, two years later, as Serena was lying next to her in bed, she found she could recall nearly everything that had happened when Bernie had come to her home that evening. Ostensibly to celebrate her finally moving away from the shadow of her former husband and a less than satisfying job at St James, to going on to a new challenge at Holby, and, more significantly, a big step towards each other. She could still feel the butterflies in her stomach as she had dropped Jason at home and headed for his favourite fish and chip shop, and she let her mind wander back to that evening, tendrils of desire starting to curl around her stomach as she relived it all.

 

Standing in the queue she realised she hadn’t asked Bernie what she wanted, but figured she would have told her if there was anything she didn’t like. Just in case, she bought extra chips, knowing that Jason would be happy to polish them off if Bernie was content with what she had chosen. When she arrived back her heart started to beat a little faster when she saw Bernie’s car on the drive, and wondered, not for the first time, if in fact she would be able to eat anything, her stomach already churning in anticipation of the evening ahead.

“I’m home,” she called out as she closed the door behind her.

“I hope that you have the plates ready warmed Jason,” she added.

She shrugged off her coat and as she turned around she was caught off guard by the sight of Bernie striding towards her, reaching for the bag of food to take through into the kitchen.

“Hello you,” Bernie said softly in that melodious, smoky voice of hers.

“I’ve been looking forward to this all day.”

She leant forward and brushed her lips against Serena’s cheek, smiled and headed back to Jason, leaving Serena frozen to the spot, frightened to take a step in case she found her legs would give way. The thought of being greeted like this on a regular basis threatened to overwhelm her, until Jason’s voice pushed through the fog in her brain.

“Auntie Serena, will you hurry up please. I don’t want my dinner to get cold!”

Serena shook her head, and kicking off her shoes she began to pad down the hallway towards Jason and the woman she knew, very clearly now, that she loved.

In an attempt to make Jason feel more comfortable about the change in his routine, Serena had agreed to allow them to eat their meal in the lounge, so that he could watch Mastermind as it aired, rather than on catch-up. They all sat on different seats, Jason on his favourite chair, Bernie took a seat on the sofa and Serena chose to sit on the other chair, needing a little distance from Bernie if she was to manage to swallow anything other than the glass of wine that she had been handed as she walked into the kitchen. If Bernie was disappointed that she hadn’t sat next to her, she hid it well, seeming to concentrate on giving Jason a run for his money with the general knowledge rounds. Just occasionally she would shoot a heated look in Serena’s direction, from under the fringe that hung over her eyes, causing Serena’s stomach to flip.

When dinner was over, Serena collected their plates and took them into the kitchen, leaning for a moment against the counter trying to decide if, when she returned to the lounge, she should sit on the sofa with Bernie. She wanted to, but she had failed to properly explain to Jason exactly what her relationship with Bernie was, mainly because she hadn’t really known herself. And she knew if she did sit next to her it would be very hard to keep her hands to herself.

“You okay?” asked Bernie from behind her, making her jump.

“Oh! Yes..yes, of course….I’m just… I’m so glad you’re here..”

Bernie’s slid her arms around her waist and nuzzled into her neck.

“Me too,” she murmured.

Serena leaned back in to Bernie’s embrace.

“Are you? Are you really?”

Bernie didn’t answer, simply pressed her lips to the nape of Serena’s neck and kissed upwards to her ear. She was just about to spin her round to kiss her properly when Jason’s voice bellowed out.

“Bernie? ‘Worlds Strongest Man’ is about to start and you said you wanted to watch it with me.”

Serena huffed slightly as Bernie replied that she was on her way. She pulled away but grabbed hold of Serena’s hand as she headed for the lounge, pulling her along and then down to sit next to her, leaving their fingers entwined between them. Serena held her breath momentarily to see if Jason had noticed anything, but he was far too engrossed in his favourite programme, throwing comments over his shoulder to make sure Bernie understood what was happening. So she gradually shuffled closer and Bernie let go of her hand so that she could drape her arm around Serena’s shoulders and draw her to her side, until Serena’s head was nestling into her neck. She gave a kiss to the top of her head, and Serena responded by pressing her lips against Bernie’s pulse point and was rewarded by the sound of a small gasp that Bernie couldn’t stifle. Serena didn’t try to suppress a smile as she turned her head in the direction of the TV, and felt so contented as Bernie’s other arm moved across her stomach, to come to rest on her hip. As the programme finished they both turned their heads to look at each other, caught up in the warmth that was spreading through their bodies and Serena watched, mesmerised, as Bernie’s lips moved closer to her own.

When Jason spoke they both started, having forgotten they weren’t alone. They moved further apart but Bernie still kept her arm firmly across Serena’s shoulder.

“I’m off to bed now Auntie. Goodnight Bernie.” He paused before leaving the room. “ Are you staying here tonight?” he asked her.

“Possibly Jason,” said Bernie quietly, “that will rather depend on whether your Auntie is happy for me to stay. I hope you sleep well, and thank you for showing me your programme.”

Jason nodded seriously, but didn’t move, looking at Serena as if waiting for her to say something. She blushed slightly under his gaze, and when she didn’t speak, he continued.

“Will Bernie be sleeping with you, in your bed then?”

Serena’s face grew a little hotter, and she didn’t dare look Bernie in the eye, although she could tell that she had a smirk on her face.

“I would think so, yes, Jason. Goodnight.”

Jason smiled. “So she can definitely use your en-suite then, good.” He left the room satisfied that having Bernie stay over wouldn’t affect his normal, morning routine.

Serena had buried her head back into Bernie’s neck out of embarrassment, and too shy to ask the obvious question. Bernie decided she would have to bite the bullet.

“So, um…you wouldn’t be averse to my…sleeping over?”

Serena felt a little devilment creep back into her soul now they were alone. She tipped her head back so that she could watch Bernie’s face.

“Hmm, that depends,” she said, her eyes positively twinkling, “on how much sleep you were hoping to get.”

It was Bernie’s turn to blush, feeling a rush of desire spread through her body. She pushed Serena back against the sofa placing a searing kiss on her lips that left her gasping

“By the time the night is through, I’ll do my best to make you feel you need to sleep for a week,” she replied in a low voice.

Serena scrambled to her feet and held out her hand to Bernie.

“Then let’s not waste any more time,” she said dragging her to her feet.

They embraced, their bodies pressed closely together, swaying slightly, their heads tucked into each other. Serena felt Bernie open her mouth and heard the intake of breath as if she was about to speak and she cut her off.

“If you were about to _dare_ to ask me if I’m sure about this, I will be kicking your ass right out of the front door. Do you understand me?” Serena was positively growling.

Bernie couldn’t hide a smile in her voice.

“Hmm, I was in fact…going to ask if you had a…lock on your bedroom door? And I am a little concerned at how…vocal I was..last time, if you remember.”

Serena pulled back to look at Bernie.

“Oh, I remember,” she said, with a glint in her eye. “There have been..nights when I’ve scarcely thought of anything else. So I suggest you bring your ‘stiff upper lip’ into play…if you don’t want to risk any interruption.”

Serena was trying to sound a lot more confident than she felt. She too was worried about about her nephew hearing them in the throes of passion, but there was no way that Berenice Wolfe was leaving this house, and her bed, before tomorrow morning at the earliest. And to emphasise that fact she started to slowly unbutton Bernie’s shirt, stopping to place a kiss at each new inch of skin that she exposed. Bernie gripped the top of Serena’s arms, gasping as her lips made their slow journey down Bernie’s chest, legs trembling with the effort of staying upright. Now completely unfastened Serena pulled the edges of the shirt wide, staring at the body before her, eyes roaming over the breasts encased in a white lace bra. She could see Bernie’s nipples pushing against the delicate fabric and she bent her head to cover first one and then the other with her open mouth, listening with delight to the sensual groan that issued from Bernie’s lips. Serena waited for her to open her eyes, and was amazed to see how wide and black her pupils were.

“Serena?” Bernie stuttered, her breathing sounding almost painful, “Serena, please, take me to your room.”

Needing no further bidding she pulled Bernie to the stairs, her legs already feeling weak at thought of what was to come. Bernie’s wasn’t fairing much better, and she was torn between using her free hand to steady herself by holding onto the handrail, or attempting to hold her shirt closed, in case Jason were to come out of his room. As they reached door of her bedroom, Serena turned around, swinging Bernie past her so that her back was pressed against the door.

“I’ve just remembered,” she whispered teasingly, “we didn’t toast your success in getting the job. It won’t take me a moment to go and get our glasses.”

It was Bernie’s turn to growl a warning.

“Don’t even think about leaving me standing here,” she almost snarled, and she yanked Serena to her, crashing their lips together in a bruising kiss.

This time it was Serena who was gasping for air as they broke apart, and she reached behind Bernie to open the door causing her to stumble backwards, and it was sheer luck that they didn’t end up in a heap on the floor. They steadied themselves, both of them fighting a fit of the giggles, and Serena _very_ carefully and quietly, closed the door behind her. She pulled a chair over from the adjacent wall and tried to wedge it against the handle. She looked at Bernie and shrugged her shoulders.

“In answer to your earlier question, no, I don’t have a lock on this door. But…this should buy us time to at least make ourselves decent, if….”

Bernie was still standing in the middle of the room, immobile, so Serena walked up to her and pushed her shirt off her shoulders so that she could kiss all along her collarbone, murmuring, “ Now, where were we?”

The feeling of Serena’s lips on her skin seemed to galvanise Bernie into action and she grabbed hold of her, pushing her a couple of steps backwards, until Serena felt her back pressed against the cool wall. The look in Bernie’s eyes was almost feral as their mouths collided again, tongues forcing themselves past lips, to taste and explore each other, twisting and darting, each trying to gain the upper hand.

Bernie shrugged off her shirt which was only trailing from one arm, and then she was pulling off Serena’s blouse, flinging it to one side before grasping the hem of her chemise, tugging it upwards, forcing Serena to raise her arms above her head. Now she, like Bernie was standing in just her bra and trousers, both panting, and Serena was still pinned against the wall with her arms being held aloft by Bernie.

“Don’t move,” Bernie said in a low voice, as she turned towards the bed, trying to locate a switch for bedside lamp. Once found she crossed swiftly to the window to close the blinds, and then very deliberately she slowly pulled back the covers on the bed before turning towards Serena, who was watching every move with lust filled eyes. She felt her breathing stutter as Bernie undid the zipper on her skin tight jeans and started to roll them down her over her hips and thighs, past her knees, to finally step out of them leaving her clad in just bra and knickers. Serena felt a tightening between her legs and a tingle running down her spine, sighing as her arms fell down by her side, her hands clenched into fists as she tried to swallow. She didn’t think she had ever felt more turned on in her life, and she closed her eyes to try and calm her breathing, fearing she may pass out, she was so light-headed. When she opened them again Bernie was smiling softly and she pointed at Serena’s trousers, indicating that she should remove them. With shaking hands she copied Bernie’s actions and moments later she too was standing in her underwear.

‘ _It’s a good thing that she didn’t do that for me. I feel as if one touch from her, anywhere, and I will come undone.’_

Her eyes never leaving Serena’s, Bernie moved backwards until her legs were resting against the bed. She pulled one strap of her bra off her shoulder and then gestured to Serena.

“You first.”

Serena’s eyes widened and a flare of heat travelled through her body. Her legs began to tremble as she reached behind her back to unclasp her bra, letting it slide down her arms to join the other garments on the floor. As the cool air hit her nipples, the areola around them tightened and puckered and although she never took her eyes off Bernie, she was aware of them jutting forwards in the periphery of her vision. Bernie was smiling and she licked her lips before curling her fingers to beckon Serena to come over to her. She was as surprised as Serena, when she heard her say quietly but firmly, “No.”

Serena wasn’t sure where that had come from, but felt a small thrill at the startled look on Bernie’s face and she continued.

“Your turn now.”

Bernie’s breathing hitched as she registered the small shift in their dynamic from the first time, when Serena had initiated their sexual encounter, but had gladly handed the reins over to Bernie to carry it forward. She clearly remembered her pleading earnestly for Bernie to give her what she wanted. But here, in her own home she was taking back some control and Bernie was happy to comply. She removed her bra as instructed and felt herself flood with desire as Serena’s eyes raked over her body.

Serena moved slowly towards her and stopped just short of their bodies touching, her eyes now fixed on Bernie’s soft breasts, topped with their deep pink nipples, quivering, as Bernie’s chest rose and fell.

“Kiss me,” she said, softly.

Bernie surged forward, wrapping her arms around her, both of them gasping as their bodies melded, breasts pressed together, Bernie’s mouth meeting hers in a kiss that was both ferocious and yet oddly gentle, as tongues met and danced around each other, telling of the need, the want…the love.

It ended only as Bernie felt Serena’s hand slide down her back, coming to rest on her hip. It then began to trail a path across her stomach, and then down, pausing as it reached the apex of her thighs. Bernie smiled then and ever so slightly inclined her head in the direction of the bed, raising her eyebrows as she did.

“No,” said Serena for a second time, enjoying the giddy sensation of dictating how this was going to happen. She slipped her fingers between Bernie’s legs and felt her shudder involuntarily as she stroked along the damp fabric there, irrefutable evidence that Bernie was as aroused as she was. She heard Bernie sigh as she removed her hand, and pressing her lips to the base of Bernie’s neck, she kissed up towards her ear, sucking her earlobe slowly, revelling in the whimpers coming from Bernie’s mouth.

“Take them off,” she murmured, and then took a small step back so that she could watch, delighting in the deep flush that spread over Bernie’s face as she made a half-hearted protest.

“Serena…” but there was no conviction in her voice, truthfully she was finding this unexpected role reversal was heightening everything she was feeling.

“Now..please,” said Serena, arching an eyebrow to show she was serious.

So Bernie hooked her thumbs into the top of her knickers and began to push them down her long legs until they were around her ankles, and then kicked them clear of her feet, finally straightening up to stand naked before her. Serena placed her hands on Bernie’s hips and bent her head to kiss down the slope of one of her breasts, capturing the nipple in her mouth, swirling her tongue around the tip, flicking gently. Bernie’s whole body stiffened and she moaned deeply. Serena moved her mouth across to the other side and repeated her actions and Bernie arched her spine and rose up onto her toes as a wave of desire flowed through her.

Bernie was lost in a myriad of overwhelming, highly pleasurable sensations. When, in the months between their first night together, she had allowed herself to imagine the moment when they would _be_ together again, she had never imagined this. Never thought that she would be the one to be teased, desperate for Serena to bring her to climax, unable to move her arms that were hanging limply by her sides as Serena hands dragged down her back before smoothing over that firm backside, digging her fingers in to pull their hips together. Raising her head, Serena looked directly into the blackness in Bernie’s eyes before kissing her gently on the lips.

“At ease, soldier,” she whispered, and saw Bernie try to swallow with the realisation that Serena wanted her to spread her legs apart. As she followed the command she had automatically pulled her arms behind her back to clasp her wrists, causing her breasts to push forwards. Serena could not resist what appeared to be a blatant invite, moving both her hands to cup and cradle them, stroking her thumbs across the prominent nipples, and Bernie’s hands flew from behind her back to grasp Serena’s shoulders in an effort to stop herself from falling.

“Oh god…” she panted, her eyes closed, her head leaning backwards. “Please, Serena……I.” Her eyes fluttered open to look at Serena, who nodded understandingly, moving her hands back down to rest on her hips.

“Okay,” she said quietly, "okay" and as Bernie felt one hand move back between her legs she knew that this time she would get the release she craved.

If Serena was startled at how wet Bernie was, feeling her juices already coating the outside of her labia and down the inside of her thighs she tried not to let it show as she gazed at the face of the woman she loved. Gently she slid one finger through the slick folds, dragging it forwards in one smooth swipe, gliding over the clitoris that twitched at her touch, before pulling it clear. She did it again, with two fingers, this time passing either side of her clit and Bernie’s head fell forwards with a barely suppressed groan. Serena kissed the top of her head.

“Bernie? I would love you to look at me….if you can.”

As if her head weighed a ton Bernie slowly pulled her head up and was rewarded with seeing the most loving smile on Serena’s face.

“Soon?” She said it as much as a warning as a plea, and dimly heard Serena’s reply, “of course.”

This time as she eased her fingers into the warmth she pushed them straight up inside of her, and Bernie responded by widening her stance to give her better access. Serena started to thrust in and out and felt Bernie’s fingers dig painfully into her shoulders, and saw the effort in her face not to make too much noise. But as Serena started to move faster and harder Bernie couldn’t stop the tiny moans as the base of Serena’s hand struck against her clit with every upward stroke. Their eyes were still locked on each other and Serena saw the moment when Bernie reached the crest of her orgasm, felt her fingers inside of her being gripped, and watched in awe as Bernie’s head flew backwards, her mouth open in an almost silent wail. Serena felt a gush around her hand as Bernie’s crashed down the other side, and her body, that moments before had felt as rigid as steel, now shook and trembled with the effort of staying upright. As Serena gently withdrew her fingers, Bernie’s legs finally gave way and she collapsed backwards onto the bed, pulling Serena down with her. To Serena’s utter amazement, as she fell her legs parted coming to rest either side of Bernie’s hip bone which pushed right into her core, and she experienced the softest orgasm she had ever had. She quivered from head to toe, a single pulse from her clit causing her vagina to clench and then release, soaking her knickers with her juices. The breathy sigh that came out of her mouth made Bernie turn her head to look at her, and she took in the deep pink flush that was suffusing the whole of her upper body and the glassy stare.

“Did you just…come?” was all she could say, and Serena nodded, dropping her head in embarrassment.

“No, no… don’t look away, please,” she pleaded, and she placed a hand under Serena’s chin, tipping her head back so that she could kiss her gently. As she pulled her lips away she suggested that they made themselves a little more comfortable, and there were a few moments of untangling of limbs as they shuffled up the bed until they lay, with their heads on the pillows, facing each other. Bernie’s stroked down Serena’s face, and she kissed her again.

“I beginning to think you may have been carrying out a little research,” Bernie said quietly, her fingers trailing up and down Serena’s back, causing goosebumps. “That was amazing. I haven’t, I….I can’t recall ever feeling quite so….or coming so quickly for a long time…if ever.”

She smiled shyly as she spoke and Serena thought she looked adorable.

“Did you..had you…planned on taking control..like that?”

Serena shook her head.

“No..not at all, it was just… it felt _right_.”

Bernie grinned, her eyes dancing. “It felt pretty damn right to me as well.”

Now Serena blushed.

“It made me so…..you know, watching you, when I…touched you.”

“I noticed. Was that a normal…thing?”

Serena squirmed slightly. “Never, I….don’t usually…come that easily either. Took me by surprise.”

They leant in towards each other and began to kiss softly, tongues flicking out to tease, teeth gently tugging at each others lips, both of them making small moans and whimpers. Bernie pulled their bodies closer together, breast rubbing against breast, the kisses getting deeper and longer. Serena scraped her nails down Bernie’s back, causing her to shiver, and she retaliated by tangling their legs together, one of her thighs pushing roughly between Serena’s causing her to stifle a squeal by biting down on Bernie’s shoulder. Bernie looked at her.

“Sorry.. you okay?”

Serena hummed and swallowed thickly.

“Hmm. Just…still feeling…something.”

Bernie stroked her hair and pulled her in close to whisper in her ear, her voice low and gravelly.

“Sounds like someone still has an itch. I’d be happy to scratch it….if you’d like me too?”

Serena’s eyes darkened and she licked her lips as Bernie pushed her onto her back, straddling her as she did. She kissed her and then moved down her neck nibbling and sucking as she went. Her hands started to caress Serena’s ample breasts, her fingers and thumbs rolling and squeezing each nipple between them, pulling then releasing them sharply. Serena’s moan was far too loud and Bernie bent down to swallow the noise with another kiss.

“Shush,” she murmured, “remember…Jason?”

Serena rolled her eyes and huffed.

“I’m having enough trouble remembering my name right now,” she muttered as Bernie resumed her downwards journey kissing and sucking where her hands had just been. She worked her hips in-between Serena’s legs, pushing them apart, and with a final tweak of her nipples she kissed down her stomach until she reached the edge of the knickers that she had almost forgotten that Serena was still wearing.

“It’s time these were gone, don’t you agree?”

Serena grasped the sheet either side of her as she felt Bernie curl her fingers around the band of elastic still gripping her hips, and Bernie slid to the side so that she could tug them down and off. Serena gave a small squeak as Bernie paused before removing them completely seemingly transfixed by the sight of her glistening curls, hovering, breathing deeply to fill herself with the scent of her. Then she was back between her legs again, her hair trailing across Serena’s stomach as she began to kiss down each hip bone. Serena wanted to ask if Bernie was going to….but nearly laughed out loud when she realised that there was absolutely no doubt as to where she was heading. And the mere thought caused her hips to buck slightly in anticipation.

As Bernie’s lips finally arrived at their destination and Bernie looked up for a moment, a cute grin on her face, her eyebrows raised as if asking permission to proceed. Serena was beyond words at this point and merely moved her legs even wider apart as an invitation, closing her eyes as she prepared herself for the first touch from Bernie’s mouth.

Suddenly she felt Bernie move off the bed and her eyes flew open to see her standing at the foot of the bed, looking at her in adoration.

“You are so wonderful,” she said softly as she walked around the bed and lent over to kiss her so tenderly, that not for the first time, Serena felt as if the room had shifted slightly. Bernie picked up two pillows and asked her to shuffle downwards until her knees were bent over the bottom of the bed, before placing one pillow under her head and the other beneath her bottom, to raise her hips. She looked apologetically at Serena as she knelt on the floor between her legs.

“Sorry, but now my spine isn’t as flexible as I would like,” she muttered, as she stroked down the inside of her thighs with her fingertips, following with her mouth, kissing down one and up the other. Serena’s fingers were now splayed either side of her, pushing down as she waited for Bernie to bring her the release she desperately needed. When she felt her tongue lick along the length of her slit Serena arched right up off the bed, both trying to escape it and yet push against it at the same time. Bernie hands reached up to push her hips back down.

“Steady there, cadet,” she murmured, and her breath and the vibration from her words caused Serena to squirm. She licked her again before pushing her tongue through the slickness of her folds, amazed at how wet Serena was. This time as her tongue reached Serena’s clit she paused, leaving her tongue pressed against it before giving a gentle flick as she moved away, and Serena gave a strangled sob as she did. Taking her hands from Serena’s hips she placed one on her stomach while she slid two fingers straight through her folds, not stopping until she was knuckle deep inside her. Bernie gazed in awe at the sight of her fingers pumping slowly in and out, Serena’s juices so profuse that they were coating her entire hand. She pushed a third finger to join the other two and Serena groaned with pleasure as she felt herself stretched by Bernie’s digits, and she clutched at Bernie’s hair, trying to guide her back down to where her clitoris was pulsing.

“Please….I can’t..please,” she whimpered and Bernie moved forwards to take that bundle of nerves, that right now was the epicentre of Serena’s universe, into her mouth. She kissed and sucked with increasing pressure watching Serena’s hips bucking hard, listening to her gasps of “yes, yes, oh…” as she thrust faster and faster in and out, feeling the walls around them start to tighten. She flicked her tongue rapidly against her clit and Serena came, with a shuddering moan that was anything but silent. Bernie waited for a few moments before slowly removing her fingers, her hand and wrist soaking wet, and she placed a soft kiss against the now over stimulated clit making Serena whimper. She could see the ripples from the orgasm still causing involuntary spasms across her lower abdomen lifting Serena’s back from the bed each time a fresh one hit. Bernie slid the (now very damp) pillow from beneath her, wiping her hand on it as she did, and moved round to crouch near Serena’s head.

“Hello beautiful,” she crooned into her ear, “earth to Serena?”

Serena’s eyelids flickered open, and it took a moment or two longer for her to fully come back to the present. She smiled vacantly in Bernie’s direction and opened her mouth as if to speak, but Bernie’s reached over and covered it with her own in a languid satisfying kiss.

“Can you manage to move yourself back up the bed?” Bernie asked. “I’d like to hug you as soon as possible.”

Serena nodded and slowly found the strength to push herself back up the bed as Bernie grabbed the duvet from the floor to cover them both as they lay, completely spent, facing each other.

Bernie pulled Serena into her arms and peppered her face and neck with kisses.

“Thank you,” she mumbled.

“Hmmm, I think it’s my turn to be thanking you….that’s the first time I’ve…ever…. orgasmed from.. that. I was..pretty loud, wasn’t I?”

Bernie chuckled.

“You could say that….and you’d be right. But no harm done, no knocking at the door, or shouts of ‘Auntie Serena’ so I think we’re good. Oh..and I’m afraid you’re probably going to need a new pillow.”

Serena forced her eyes open.

“Why? What do you…..Oh…um” and to Bernie’s delight she blushed and hid her face into Bernie’s neck. “Another first then.”

Bernie planted a kiss on the top of her head.

“I’d happily buy you a pillow every day of the year if I could watch you come like that again.”

Serena squeaked in mock horror.

“For pity’s sake, I don’t think my heart could cope if that happened every night, and I’m damn sure my hands would never be steady enough to perform surgery again.”

They were still kissing, when Serena suddenly pushed Bernie away and propped herself up on her arm looking down on her, her face glowing with barely suppressed excitement.

“Wait, let me get this right…you can see us together for some time then? You want to give us..this, a chance?”

Bernie stroked her hand along Serena’s arm and then around her back, pulling her down on top of her.

“I most certainly do.” She took a deep breath. “I don’t think I can imagine my life without you in it. You have captured this wandering soul, hook, line and sinker…. If that’s what you want too?”

Serena’s kiss was so intense that Bernie felt the hairs on the back of her neck stand on end, and was shocked when she felt Serena’s knee push up to press against her still sensitive core.

“Serena!” she gasped as their lips parted, “I thought maybe a little recovery time first.”

“Wimp,” said Serena, but she was smiling and she turned onto her side with her back to Bernie, so that they could cuddle. “Just let me know when you’re ready.”

 

Back in the present, the smile on Serena’s face at those special memories was illuminating, and she was so lost in them that it took a moment for her to realise that Bernie was looking at her with a grin just as wide as hers.

“I’d say ‘a penny for them’ but I think I can at least tell that those aren’t innocent thoughts that are whirling around in your head right now.”

“And what makes you say that Berenice,” teased Serena, “I’ll have you know I am a lady, I am.”

Bernie pushed Serena onto her back, now hovering above her.

“If I recall, my darling, you were no lady last night, and I am more than ready to resume our... activities. We _are_ on our honeymoon after all.”

Which was just as well, as the sighs and moans and cries of ecstasy that ensued indicated that neither of them would want or even be able to leave the marriage bed for a fair few hours yet.

 


End file.
